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Chapter 4

Autor: Never Full on a Diet
Two days before the exam, something else went wrong.

I had booked the skills lab for ten at night to practice. The department only had one set of practice equipment, which included a training mannequin, syringes, a kidney dish, and a tourniquet.

I walked in at ten on the dot, opened the cabinet, and more than half the equipment was gone.

I tore through every cabinet in the room, sweating from panic. The mannequin was still there, but a plastic body without needles or tubing was useless. I had nothing to practice IV insertion with.

The floating comments burst across my vision.

[Stop looking! Whitney hid them!]

[She locked the equipment inside the blue emergency kit at the back of the storage closet at the end of the hallway!]

[She's convinced that if you bomb the practical, the spot is hers!]

I stared at the words, my temples pounding. I was about to storm out and confront her when my phone buzzed first.

It was a message from my sister, Nicki Keating.

[I'm dropping out. I'm going to sign up at the factory tomorrow. I can make 120 dollars a day. At least I can help out.]

I read it three times, and it felt like a fist had closed around my chest.

I called her immediately.

"Who told you to drop out?"

"I've done the math. I can't keep going. College is another four years of tuition. If I work, I can at least chip in for Dad's medication."

"Stop." My voice was shaking.

"I'm up for an award this year, and if I get it, there'll be enough money for Dad's bills and your tuition. So you stay in school and focus on your studies. Don't think about anything else, okay?"

On the other end of the line, Nicki held it in for a long time before she finally broke down crying.

"I just feel so bad for you. You're exhausted every single day and I can't do anything to help."

"Getting into college is the biggest thing you can do to help me."

I hung up. The phone screen was wet.

It took me a long time before I wiped my face and stood up straight again.

I could not lose. If I lost now, it would not just be me who went down. It would be my entire family.

The key to the storage closet was in Janet's office. I took a deep breath, and in the middle of the night, I pried open Janet's office door.

I unlocked the storage closet and pulled the equipment out of the blue emergency kit, piece by piece.

By midnight, the skills lab was empty except for me.

I practiced IV insertion on the mannequin over and over, and the needle slipped into the back of my own hand several times, drawing tiny beads of blood.

I could not lose. The stack of overdue bills on Dad's nightstand was waiting for that 50,000 dollars.

The next morning, I walked into the exam room with dark circles under both eyes.

I flew through the written portion.

When it was time for the practical, I went first with the IV insertion and got it in one clean stick with a normal flashback.

Then came CPR. I nailed the compression depth, the rhythm, and the ventilation, all flawless from start to finish.

The supervising charge nurse watched the entire thing. When it was over, she gave a single nod and said nothing.

Whitney showed up too. She was wearing brand-new leather shoes, her hair freshly pinned up. She stood out more than anyone in line.

Tara held her phone for her. Beth stood beside them, recording video.

When it was Whitney's turn, her first IV stick missed. The second barely went in.

Her face went pale for a moment, and she glanced back at me. That look was cold and bitter at the same time.

When the exam ended, the scores were posted on the wall immediately.

I was first. Whitney was eleventh.

She stood in front of the results, the toe of her new leather shoe tapping the floor over and over.

On the way back, I overheard her and Tara talking around the corner of the hallway.

Tara kept her voice low. "Rankings don't matter. The final decision still comes down to peer votes and whatever the director wants. You can't lose."

Whitney did not answer right away. After a long pause, she finally replied, barely above a whisper.

"I know. The way she acts, it's like she actually believes she can win."

The words were light, but they stuck like a needle.

I did not stop to argue with her.

The scores were posted. Who had actually put in the work and who had been putting on a show was right there for the people in charge to see.

I rolled my sleeves down to cover the needle marks I had left on the backs of my own hands, and went back to the on-call room to catch some sleep.

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  • The Noble Act   Chapter 9

    On the day of the review, I walked into the exam room like it was any other shift.On the written portion, I finished first and got the fewest wrong.On the practical portion, I worked through the stations without hesitation. My CPR performance was singled out as a demonstration for the others.After the exam, Whitney and I were both called into Dr. Whitman's office.Janet was there, along with the head of security and Tara.On the desk sat a set of printed screenshots from the security footage, along with a written statement in Whitney's own handwriting.Whitney tried one last time. "I was just worried Blair would lose it. I was holding onto it for safekeeping."Dr. Whitman pushed the screenshots in front of her. "And you call that safekeeping?"Whitney's tears came down all at once. "Dr. Whitman, I just couldn't accept it!"My clinical skills aren't worse than hers. My degree is higher than hers. Why does she get the award? Her family has it hard, but mine has it worse! My b

  • The Noble Act   Chapter 8

    Before the fellowship could begin, the hospital required one more round of review on my theory and practical skills.Tara wrote in the group chat, [Another test is fine. That way no one can talk.]When I saw that, I started preparing a full month in advance.I worked during the day, studied at night, and barely made it home at all.Over that month, I went through the internal medicine textbook, the fundamentals of nursing manual, and the emergency care handbook cover to cover, three times each.The corners of the pages were frayed from how often I had turned them.Some of the procedural steps I had studied so late into the night that I could run through them in my head with my eyes closed.Dad was doing a little better by then. He could hold onto the wall and stand for a short while.He held my hand and struggled to get the words out."Honey, I've been nothing but a burden on you.""You're not a burden. Once I finish the fellowship, I'll get you on better medication."There

  • The Noble Act   Chapter 7

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  • The Noble Act   Chapter 6

    The auditorium was silent for several seconds.In the front row, Whitney was still frozen in the position of someone about to stand.The acceptance speech slipped from Tara's hand and landed on the floor.Beth had forgotten to stop recording. The camera was pointed straight at Whitney's face as the color drained out of it."How is it her?" Someone whispered the question."The entire department voted for Whitney, except Blair herself. Did the hospital even look at the peer evaluations?""Did they read the wrong name?"Dr. Whitman seemed to have heard the murmuring. She continued."Blair Keating received one vote in the peer evaluation. It was the one she cast for herself."She came up through nursing school with an associate's degree. She has worked in the emergency department for three years with zero incidents on her record. Last month, she was the first to identify the symptoms of a patient in cardiac arrest."She did not rely on anyone to sing her praises. She did not turn

  • The Noble Act   Chapter 5

    The day before the results were announced, Whitney was acting more like the winner than I was.Tara had put together a packet of peer endorsements for her, printing out every compliment from the department and sliding them into a clear plastic folder.Whitney said she would not need it, but that night she sat in the on-call room and went through every page.Janet announced that the results would be revealed at a hospital-wide assembly, with the director making the announcement personally.Tara immediately pressed a pre-written acceptance speech into Whitney's hands."The director's obviously going to have you speak on behalf of the winners. Who else would it be?"Whitney hesitated before taking it. "The list hasn't been posted yet. If you keep doing this, it'll embarrass Blair."Beth laughed out loud."She chose to compete, so she'd better be ready to lose."The peer vote was 23 to one. She got lucky on the practical, that's all. The director's fair. Do you think she's going t

  • The Noble Act   Chapter 4

    Two days before the exam, something else went wrong.I had booked the skills lab for ten at night to practice. The department only had one set of practice equipment, which included a training mannequin, syringes, a kidney dish, and a tourniquet.I walked in at ten on the dot, opened the cabinet, and more than half the equipment was gone.I tore through every cabinet in the room, sweating from panic. The mannequin was still there, but a plastic body without needles or tubing was useless. I had nothing to practice IV insertion with.The floating comments burst across my vision.[Stop looking! Whitney hid them!][She locked the equipment inside the blue emergency kit at the back of the storage closet at the end of the hallway!][She's convinced that if you bomb the practical, the spot is hers!]I stared at the words, my temples pounding. I was about to storm out and confront her when my phone buzzed first.It was a message from my sister, Nicki Keating.[I'm dropping out. I'm go

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