Chapter 1

As the 'candies' dissolved in my mouth, the bitter taste spread across my tongue. I doubled over, gagging as acid and saliva stained my mouth.

These were the same ones Mom had hidden in the back of her closet three years ago. Back then, she would sit on the edge of my bed late at night, her eyes empty and hollow as she whispered, "Why are you still alive?"

I was finally giving Mom what she had always wanted.

I was wearing a boy's school uniform, the collar frayed and worn. It used to be Beau Campbell's, but it had stopped fitting me a long time ago. Even so, Mom insisted I keep wearing it because it made me look more like Beau.

I could hear her laughter drifting from the living room, soft and tender in a way I had never heard before. She was rubbing her belly and talking to Dad.

"The doctor said it's definitely a boy this time. Look how smooth this pregnancy is going," she cooed, her voice sickeningly sweet. "Soon I won't have to look at that disgusting little face anymore."

I wanted to see Mom's smile one last time.

The moment I reached the doorway, Dad spotted me first. He frowned as he asked, "Lily, why aren't you doing your homework?"

His eyes swept over my uniform and quickly looked away, as if the sight of it stung.

Mom turned around and saw me, and her smile froze instantly. "Who told you to come out? Your hair's getting long again. Didn't I tell you to keep it buzzed short like Beau's?"

She rushed over and jabbed her finger hard against my forehead. "You're always causing trouble. When your new brother gets here, I'll break your legs if you dare bully him!"

I shrank back, the red mark on my forehead throbbing where she had poked me. The 'candies' in my stomach seemed to be dissolving, and waves of pain twisted through my belly until I hunched over.

Dad moved to help me, but Mom grabbed his arm and snapped, "Don't touch her. She's probably just faking it for attention."

I bit my lip and said nothing, slowly shuffling back to my room. Each step sent knives twisting through my stomach, and my limbs were going numb. Even my hand trembled uncontrollably as I gripped the doorframe.

I collapsed onto my bed as my body started convulsing beyond my control.

Suddenly, the door creaked open.

Dad walked in with a glass of warm water and placed it on my nightstand. He hesitated for a long moment before saying, "Lily, Mom's pregnant, so her emotions are all over the place. Don't take it personally."

I tried to shake my head, but could only manage a weak groan. Dad's figure even began to split into doubles in my vision.

Dad sighed and simply tucked the blanket around me. "Get some sleep. You'll feel better tomorrow."

He closed the door on his way out, and the room fell completely silent. Then, I pulled out the little toy car I kept under my pillow.

It had been Beau's favorite when he was alive. Most of the paint had chipped off, but I wiped it clean every single day. Mom said it belonged to Beau and told me to take good care of it.

Last time, a classmate tried to steal it. I got beaten up pretty badly fighting to get it back.

My vision was fading to a blur now, and I hugged the toy car tightly to my chest as I closed my eyes.

I thought, 'Mom, Beau is coming back now, and you won't have to keep looking at the replacement that hurt you anymore.'

I told myself that this was for the best.

Slowly, the pain began to fade away. I felt like a dandelion seed caught by the wind, floating up light and weightless until I could see that small body lying on the bed below.

The wrinkled uniform hung loose on her frame, her face pale as paper, her lips tinged with an unnatural bluish-purple, and there was dried bile at the corner of her mouth while her hand still clutched the toy car.

Just then, Mom pushed the door open.

I was staring down at my own hands, realizing they were transparent now with light passing right through them.

I could even see Beau's photo right through them.

Mom did not even glance at my body on the bed and walked straight to the desk instead. She picked up Beau's photo and wiped it over and over, murmuring, "Beau, I went shopping for your new crib today. Do you like blue better, or yellow?"