MasukCHAPTER 88: HELENA UNDERSTANDSHelena is eleven months old and something has shifted.It started three weeks ago, around the time I hit thirty weeks and my body became noticeably different in a way that even a baby can register. She is not distressed. She is not frightened. But she has been watching me with the particular focused attention she usually reserves for new objects, the close-range study of something she's trying to understand.She reaches for me more.This is the specific change. She has been independent in a way I noticed and privately enjoyed being happy in the bouncer, content on the mat, fine with Mrs. Chen for the morning hours while I work. Lately she reaches her arms up when she sees me across the room. She starts the complaint sound when I put her down to get something. She wants to be held or nearby, and she wants this more consistently than she has since she was six weeks old and the world was still very new.She is not clingy in the distressed sense. She
CHAPTER 87: THIRD TRIMESTERAt thirty-two weeks I am running out of body.This is not a complaint. It is a physical fact that I am tracking with the same attention I track everything. The twins are approximately four pounds each, which collectively is eight pounds of person being carried by a body that was designed for one person at a time and is currently managing this through a combination of physiological adaptation and what I can only describe as structural protest.My lower back has opinions. My ribs have been redistributed to make room for people who did not ask permission. My lung capacity is approximately seventy percent of what it was in January, which I notice most when I climb the stairs and have to pause at the top in a way I never did before, and which Helena finds interesting to watch from the landing.I work from home on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. On Tuesday and Thursday I go to the office, which is twenty-three minutes from the house in the car and whi
CHAPTER 86: THE LETTERI open it on a Tuesday evening in June.Not six weeks exactly seven and a half. I have been aware of the drawer the whole time, the way you are aware of something you have decided not to deal with yet. Not forgetting it. Just giving it its allotted space without opening that space wider.The twins have been active all day, which they do more in the evenings, and I am on the sofa with my feet up and a cup of tea going cold and the drawer across the room. Dominic is in the study. Helena is down for the night. The house is quiet ; it gets between eight and ten, the specific pause before the late evening starts.I get up. I got the letter.I sit back on the sofa and I break the seal.I get up. I got the letter.I sit back on the sofa and I break the seal.Eleanor's handwriting is the same as it has always been upright, deliberate, the letters formed with the care of someone who was taught by someone who considered handwriting a measure of character.
CHAPTER 85: ELEANOR'S DEPARTUREThe email from Eleanor's solicitor arrives on a Thursday morning.It is a form notification the kind that legal offices send automatically when address records are updated. The subject line says: Change of Address Notification E. Hartley. The body is three sentences: a reference number, the note that correspondence should now be directed to a London address, and a standard confidentiality footer. The London address is in Kensington, which is the kind of address Eleanor would choose. It has always been important to Eleanor that things look a specific way.I read it twice. I closed the email.I sit at the kitchen table for a moment and I try to feel the thing I expect to feel, which is something. A weight lifting, maybe. Or its opposite: the complicated grief of something finally resolving that you always wanted to resolve differently. I have known people who cried when their difficult parents left. I have known people who felt nothing and then fe
CHAPTER 84: THE SOKOLOV INDICTMENTDominic texts at two-fifteen on a Tuesday.Coming home at four. James called. Set an extra place.I read it twice. Setting an extra place means Mrs. Chen at the table, which Dominic only requests when something has happened that he wants the household to receive together. I forward it to Mrs. Chen's number with a single question mark.She responds in under a minute: Already planning. Which means she also knew something was coming, or has decided it doesn't matter because something arriving unexpectedly is the same problem as something arriving expected, and both require dinner.At four-fifteen I hear the front door. Dominic comes into the kitchen in his coat, which he hasn't taken off, the particular way he arrives when he's carrying something and hasn't found the right moment to put it down yet. He looks at me. He looks at Helena in the bouncer, who looks back with the evaluating expression she uses on everyone who enters rooms.He says: "Fe
CHAPTER 83: FELICITY TESTIFIESThe federal building is on the lower west side, a grey granite block that has the particular architecture of government seriousness, heavy, deliberate, built to communicate that the things that happen inside it are not casual.Felicity's lawyer meets us in the lobby at eight-thirty. He is the kind of lawyer who wears the same kind of suit every day and communicates primarily through understatement, which I have come to trust as a professional style. He goes over the process with Felicity one more time, which is the third time she has heard it but which she listens to fully, the way you listen to safety instructions on an aeroplane when you already know what they say but it helps to hear them anyway.I am twenty-three weeks pregnant and wearing the only coat that still closes properly. I am here because Felicity asked me to come on day one. She didn't explain why, and I didn't ask, because the reasons don't need to be articulated when someone
CHAPTER 36: BIRTHLabor is nothing like the movies. It's longer, messier, and Dominic looks greener than I feel.We arrive at the hospital at eleven in the morning and by two in the afternoon I understand that all those books I read during the pregnancy were helpful and also completel
CHAPTER 39: VICTORIA'S VENDETTAVictoria Cross has her father's eyes and apparently his taste for revenge.The emergency board meeting convenes at nine in the morning and Victoria is already at the table when we arrive. She dressed for this. Dark suit, hair pulled back, the particular p
CHAPTER 38: ISABELLE'S CLAIMIsabelle Whitmore stands on our doorstep at 2 AM with a baby and a story I already don't believe.Dominic opens the door. I'm two steps behind him, Helena asleep upstairs, the house quiet in the way it only is between the one and four feeds when both of us
CHAPTER 37: SETTLING INHelena is three months old and has officially taken over our lives. In the best possible way.She wakes at ten, one, four, and sometimes at three just to check that we're still there, which we always are, because the alternative is her crying for more than thirty







