LOGIN“I can never give you any kids.” I point out the obvious.“I’m not asking you to. I'm not asking what you can or cannot give me. I’m not asking you to marry me for anything other than the fact that I love you, and you love me. If we want kids, we can adopt right? But right now, I just want you. Only you, Izzy Valentine.”My throat works, tears threatening to fall.“Yes. A million times yes!”He slips he ring on my finger, and this time it’s my exact size.Ivan gets to his feet, cupping my face in his hands, he kisses me hard and long. Happiness bubbles in my gut, spilling out in laughs and giggles.“Yes!” he laughs, throwing his head back, kissing all over my face, my cheeks, nose, eyes, and mouth, making me laugh. “You’ve made me the happiest person on earth, my Izzy. I promise, I’ll make you the happiest man ever.”Excitement unfurls at the pit of my stomach, like a shaken Dr. Pepper, it threatens to spill everywhere. “You already make me the happiest person ever.”“Then I promise
“I did it!” Court says this morning, running straight to my home office, eyes wide.The excitement is rolling off her in waves, and I pause my music, taking her in. She licks her lips. “What exactly is it?”She pants, sitting opposite me, feet still tapping. Whatever she’s about to say is really important to her.“I told Jacob that I’m in love with him,” she laughs,“That’s I’ve always loved him. Right from the moment I saw him.”My jaws are unhinged as I take in my very brave best friend. confessing your feelings must take a lot out of a person, but confessing to someone like Jacob who was all about flings, sex, heck, they were not even exclusively sleeping together. That’s why I called him a walking STD. “That’s… great, I’m happy for you, Court.”She exhales.“Really? Did I do good? I just… I couldn’t take it anymore, the not knowing. You know, we did everything, and I wanted more, much like you.” she shrugs with a small smile. “Come here.”I walk to her, hugging her.She chuc
The world screeches to a halt.What?How?Who?? “Don’t say anything yet.”I can’t say anything.I’m trying to say something, but my tongue is not moving, my mind is scrambling.“Actually, put a lid on it, pretend I haven’t said anything.”“Huh?” the sound is a small squeak.He exhales. “I want to say it better, sometime better, not here, not like this. So, put a lid on it, for now. Can you do that for me?” He could have asked for the sun and I would fly into space, cut a piece of it, and brought it back to him, even if I did it as a skeleton. Whether I wanted to or not, my head bobbed up and down as I accept his offer.He kissed the top of my head. I tingled.Two days later, I’m still dazed.We’ve been clearing out the old basement, there were a lot of junk left by previous owners, and I hadn’t been in there at all. It has taken a lot of strength and mental space, so none of us have mentioned the word. It doesn’t mean I have stopped thinking about it. Ivan loves me.Ivan loves me
Ivan let them hit him on purpose.I didn’t know how to console him, so I hug him, his muscles are tense under my touch. Like he taught me to do, I pat his back, offering wordless comfort. Slowly, his muscles relax in my hold.He pulls my chin up, our eyes meet, and he brings his mouth to mine, his mouth tracing my lower lip, and i stand there, breathlessly. “I want to kiss you,”“Kiss me.”He kisses me, not soft like this morning, it’s more urgent. He’s using this to get over his pain, like he allowed them to hit him. I don’t mind.If this is all I can offer him right now, I don’t mind. His fingers trace under my clothes, tugging at the hem of my shirt, pulling it as he kisses me.“I want to be inside you right now.” he breathes, eyes vulnerable.“Right here? It’s..” I swallow, gesturing around us to the rubble.He cups my chin, stroking the side of my mouth, then my mouth, “I really want you right now. I want to be inside you, I don’t care about anything else.” He buries his fa
I burst out crying at that,“Shhh, baby, don’t cry. I’m fine.” he says, thumb cleaning my face.That earns even more tears out of me, Ivan pulls me to his chest, and he ends up comforting me instead, while broken and battered.“I’m sorry, I didn’t come here to cry, I just… I was scared something had happened to you, Lamb said Jonas was out for you and you won’t pick up your phone, and so I thought…” I sniff, a hiccup pushing out of me. The hug is safe and warm, and God I love him.“My phone lost battery a while ago, and I didn’t around to charging it, they didn’t do much damage.” I give a pointed look, finger pressing lightly on his arm, where I’m sure a bruise is forming, he groans in pain, the sound breaking my heart. “I’m the one who’s hurt, why are you crying?” he dries my eyes again,“Exactly. Why am I crying?? I never used to cry before, and now I lo– and now it’s all I’m doing.” I correct myself quickly. Ivan chuckles, bringing my face to his body again, I missed his hug so
Ivan had excused himself after, leaving without looking me in the face. I wanted to chase after him, but the fear of rejection kept me rooted, at the end he walked out, and there were no words I could think of that he might have wanted to hear from me. “Was there no other way? He has to stay married to me?”My mother gives me a proud smile,“No, unless he wants to get deported, you can manage the fines, but he may never be able to enter this country again. It’s up to you two to continue making it look real.” An obligation. That’s what this is, see to the end what you started by yourself.He found both of them already, there’s no need for him to be here, he’s gotten deceived a lot since coming here, he might not want to be here any longer. “Also, I know you love him, so you win, right? He won’t be going back to her, at least until you say so, we’ll let you divorce once you’re ready.” My mother says, beaming. She’s the only one who would use the word ‘win’ where love was concerned,
Turns out I didn’t need to be so fucking dramatic.Ivan only wanted to get us coconuts, and the stall was right there. Good job needy Izzy. My face and entire being burned in mortification as I accepted it, to compensate for being so clingy, I offer to pay, he swiftly pushes my hand away, paying
Oh no. I am a stiff, caught red handed, gay man in a make believe marriage. “My Izzy isn’t particularly afraid of anything. But he hates it when things aren’t in order, everything has to be arranged in a particular order. I think that just irritates his soul.” Ivan answers smoothly, even adding a
“Did you take up acting gigs as well?”Ivan blinks at me innocently, and it’s hard not to remember every single thing he had done out there. In here, it’s like someone had switched off the lights, and he wasn’t performer Ivan anymore. “Yes, mostly for side characters that never had more than a fe
“Here, let me.” he says, plucking my phone from my finger tips, he makes sure we don’t touch, angling it at the beautiful sun rise, and clicking a few photos. When he returns the phone to me, the pictures I find are better than anything I could have ever taken on my own. They are amazing. Almost p







