Chapter Four- Be Deserving

Chapter Four

(Spencer POV)

The tension in this hospital room is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Sylvia, Alpha Chris’ daughter has come to visit me. She helped to tutor me in math so I could graduate high school even if it was late and I had to go to summer school. She has become a friend and she came to bring me my diploma. She is usually chatty, like literally I wonder how she even breathes sometimes. However for the last 45 minutes she has sat on the couch in silence staring at her hands only looking up occasionally at Paxton who was pacing the room.

"Enough, I'm going to find that doctor and see when we can leave." Paxton declared before taking one last look at Sylvia before leaving the room.

Sylvia continued looking at the closed door before releasing a sigh and turning to look at me. “Spencer, can I ask you a question?”

“You just did but you can go ahead and ask another.” I joke trying to lighten the mood.

“I know you keep secret what you are and that is your right. I was just wanting to know what is the reason you didn’t take over your pack and lead as Alpha?”

“I don’t think it matters to my people that I am part vampire like it doesn’t matter to me what they are. I don’t really know what it is like to be a hybrid vampire and werewolves. My people don’t need to be forced to follow another Alpha if they chose not to. We don’t know what a good Alpha is. I only wanted for them what I wanted for myself to be free. Who I am does not dictate who I could be.”

“But your mate is an Alpha, the strongest Alpha you were chosen to lead.” I just look at her in surprise. “I met Elena yesterday and she told me the story about how you tried to trick Wilder. I know it’s not true and I told her and Wilder both they should think twice about talking about someone they know nothing about.”

“Thank you.” I respond feeling happy to have such a loyal friend.

“Why don’t you tell him? Tell him what kind of hybrid you are?”

“I’ll answer but only if I get a question of my own.” She nods in response. “When I realized he was my mate I wondered what I had done to deserve such a mate. I thought my mate would be the one that saved me. I didn’t tell him he was my mate he asked and I didn’t lie thinking he was 18 and could sense it. I won’t go into details but after what he did and what happened to me I learned that I would have to save myself and that is what I did when I ripped out my fathers heart. The moon goddess gifts her children with mates but that doesn’t mean they are deserving of the one they got. I choose to believe that it is not me that is undeserving. It is him who is undeserving of me.”

There is a crash outside in the hallway and Sylvia goes to the door. “Sylivia, he's your mate huh? Paxton is your mate?” She does not turn around but her shoulders sink and she minutely nods her head. “I haven’t known him long but he seems like a good guy but when he comes around make sure he is deserving of you.” She nods again before leaving.

About 10 minutes later Paxton returns and his eyes scan the room before settling on mine. “Good news, you can go home now.”

We make the journey back to Paxton’s house on foot. We hunt along the way, well I do. Paxton just talks about how lucky he thinks I am that I am a good hunter and makes jokes when the animals get away. He fails to hide the sadness in his voice when he begins to speculate what my wolf will look like.

"I have to go have dinner at the pack house. Bradley's found his mate so he and Luna Olivia have come to visit. Alpha Wilder says  he has an announcement so I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Go ahead, I'll be fine. If you text before you get back I'll make some hot cocoa."

"Deal." Paxton heads out. I go and make myself comfortable on the couch and my mind wanders back to the last time I was in the pack house.

**Flashback**

I stand in the back of the crowd at the pack meeting. I nod my encouragement to Trey as he agrees to be Beta and becomes a pack member. He deserves this and he'll be great and help guide Wilder. When Wilder begins to introduce Elena I excuse myself heading back to the pack house. When he announces the date of the Luna ceremony, one day before my birthday my frustration gets the best of me. My wolf breaks through and a loud growl escapes my mouth and I slam the door.

I hide myself away in the place I feel the safest, the library and I let the tears fall. I don't know how long I am sitting crying on the couch before the door opens and closes and his scent fills the room instantly but I can't move. I don't know what I expected but him pulling me onto his lap holding me was not it. I feel his hand caress the outside of my thigh and I fight the urge to shiver at the contact. I hate being touched but despite myself I crave his.

I don't know when or how it happened but we ended up lying down on the couch, him behind me holding me with my back to his front. I am startled by my thoughts when I feel him moving, getting up off the couch. I look up to see him staring at me in disgust.

I sit up quickly. "What did you do?" He shouts at me.

"What?" I yell back.

"I don't know what you did but you can't disrespect me like you did last night."

"Disrespect you. You can't wait 2 days? You have to have the ceremony the day before I turn 18? I didn't ask you here. I didn't ask you to hold me, to sleep with me." I jump up.

"Two days wouldn’t mean anything. Elena is my mate. She is gonna be Luna and she is carrying my pup."

"What?"

"Now if you can't respect that your plan failed. You won't climb the pack ladder by spelling me. If you can't respect Elena as my Luna then you are no longer allowed in the pack house until you can."

I bite the pain that washes over me as the vampire part of me is writhing in agony being in a home uninvited. I run from the house cursing myself for letting myself fall victim to the bond.

**end flashback**

Tears escape my eyes at the memory as the words 'she is carrying my pup' play over and over in my mind. No doubt in my mind that's the news Wilder had to share.

Paxton messages stating he's on his way back home and a few others are coming along. I start the hot cocoa and coffee in case anyone wants any. Their voices fill the home as soon as they step inside. I come out and am greeted by Olivia and Christian hugging me.

I take baby Erik from Olivia and go to sit in the arm chair. "There's coffee and hot cocoa in the kitchen if anyone wants any." I don't take my eyes off Erik until I can't take it any longer and I look up at Wilder staring at me. "There's water bottles in the fridge too for you Wilder. I don't want you thinking I slipped you a potion or anything."

"A potion? You're not even part witch. You would have to be to use a potion on an Alpha." The blond next to Bradley states. "No not witch at all your…" Her eyes go wide and Bradley whispers in her ear.

"What?" Wilder questions.

"I ignore him. Hello I'm Spencer you must be Bradley's mate. Strong huntress way to go Brad." 

"Christine." She giggles and extends her hand. 

Everyone only stays about 30 minutes before it's just Paxton and I on the porch. "Did you see Spence, Wilder had a cup of coffee. That's a move in the right direction."

"How long have you known you were Sylvia's mate?"

"Spence…"

"Answer the question. I know you love her."

"I have loved her since we were kids. On our 18th birthday. Yes we share a birthday, she told me. But hunters don't find their mates until they turn 21."

"So you don't trust her? You think she's a liar?"

He stands and glares at me. "Of course not. I trust her with my life."

"Just not your heart. Her wolf didn't care that you weren't 21, it's instincts recognized you because you were 18. It's the same way my other half didn't care that I wasn't 18 and neither was he."

"It's complicated."

"How so?"

" She's the eldest child of an Alpha. Her mate should be an Alpha and I don't even have a wolf."

"Oh I see what you mean. You're completely useless like your mother."

"What the fuck! Don't talk about my mother, she wasn't useless."

I smirk "I didn't think so. Your worth is not held in your ability to shift or not."

"You sound like my brother. That's what he wanted to talk to me about that night we met."

"Your ability to lead a pack has nothing to do with having a wolf. Maybe you should stop being a coward and hiding and discuss your concerns with your mate." 

He nods his head. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet. The Goddess gave you Sylvia as a gift. Be deserving of her." I get up leaving him out on the porch to his thoughts.