Chapter Five - Moving in Stationary

As the plane touched down on South African soil, bringing me back home after what felt like an eternity in Paris, a rush of conflicting emotions washed over me. Despite the business trip that had taken me there, my thoughts were consumed by one person—the woman I hadn't been able to stop thinking about for the past weeks, since I cut the only contact I had with her.

My trip to Paris was both a dream and a nightmare, a whirlwind of passion and heartache that I couldn't seem to shake. In the days that followed me leaving Alex sleeping, I had nursed my broken heart with more alcohol than I cared to admit, drowning my sorrows in a futile attempt to forget the pain of not being able to see her again.

But even in my darkest moments, I couldn't bring myself to unblock her on my phone, to confront her about the lie she told that had torn us apart before the actual time. Instead, I had blocked her phone calls and text messages, hoping that she would read the letter I had left behind and understand the reasons behind my actions.

As I disembarked from the plane and made my way through the airport, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief at being back home. My mother was waiting for me outside, her familiar smile a welcome sight after the emotional rollercoaster I had endured.

But as we drove home, I couldn't bring myself to tell her about the woman who had captured my heart and then shattered it into a million pieces. The pain of reliving the best and worst night of my life was still too fresh, too raw, and I didn't have the strength to revisit those memories just yet.

As we pulled into the driveway of my home, I silently vowed to leave Paris—and everything that had happened there—behind me, once and for all.

"So, did you find your mystery woman?" Those were the first words from my mother as I stepped out of the car. Her question, laced with genuine curiosity and concern, pierced through the walls I had built around my heart.

I knew this would be hard. I had confided in her about Alex during our video calls, unable to hide my excitement about the unexpected connection I had found in Paris. Now, I regretted saying anything, knowing I would have to explain what happened.

Pushing my suitcase inside without responding, I felt a lump form in my throat. I didn't want to cry—not now, I mean I literally just arrived. But then again, when would I allow myself to cry about this? In Paris, I had buried myself in work and more alcohol than necessary, trying to numb the void.

"Oh honey..." My mother's soft words were the final straw. The dam broke, and I found myself collapsing into her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. She held me tight, brushing her hand up and down my back in soothing circles.

"I'm so sorry, honey. Let me make your favourite Margarita. You don't have work until Wednesday, right?" she said gently.

I was so thankful that my mother was one of my best friends. She didn't need an explanation; she understood exactly how I felt and knew what I needed. Her presence was a balm to my wounded heart.

We spent the afternoon talking about my work in Paris and the places I visited. The Eiffel Tower, the quaint little cafes, the beautiful Seine River at night. I described each detail with a bittersweet nostalgia, trying to focus on the positives despite the lingering pain.

My mother listened patiently, occasionally interjecting with a question or a comment, but mostly just letting me talk. Her understanding and support helped me feel a little lighter, as if the weight of my sorrow was slowly being lifted.

"Paris sounds incredible," she said after a while, handing me a freshly made Margarita. "I'm so proud of you for making the most of your trip, even with everything that happened."

"Thanks, Mom," I replied, taking a sip of the drink. The familiar taste brought a small smile to my face. "I guess it wasn't all bad. I did get to see some amazing things and meet some interesting people at work."

"And you learned a lot about yourself," she added, giving me a knowing look. "not meeting her again might be a sign. Who knows, maybe she'd have broken your heart into unrepairable pieces."

I nodded to hide those pieces of my heart I was trying to silently stitch together. As painful as it was, at least I felt whatever that was for a few minutes with Alex. And my mom didn`t need to know about that because Alex was history. From now, I needed to focus on healing and moving forward.

---

The sun was high in the sky, casting warm rays over my mom's backyard. The pool sparkled invitingly, and Lena and I floated lazily on inflatable loungers, sipping on wine and munching on pizza. Summer was slowly making its presence known, and the weekend felt like a perfect escape.

Lena, my best friend from university, had always been good at reading me. She knew when something was off, even when I tried to hide it. This weekend was no different.

"So, tell me about Paris," she said casually, taking a sip of her wine.

"Can we not talk about it."

She furrowed her brow, not discouraged by my reluctance. "Come on, Lizzy. You can't avoid it forever. Something happened there, and I can see it's eating at you alive. Just tell me what's going on."

I sighed, floating over to the edge of the pool and setting my glass down. Maybe she was right. Maybe I couldn't keep this bottled up forever.

Taking a deep breath, I finally uttered the name I had avoided for the past month. "Alex..."

Lena's eyes widened with curiosity. "Alex? Who's Alex?"

I hesitated, gathering my thoughts. Why didn´t I tell her about Alex again? Oh yeah, I was hoping to have dealt with it by now.

"I met her in Paris. She was... amazing. We connected in a way I've never felt before. But it all ended so badly. She lied to me, Lena. She told me she was leaving Paris the next day, but it was a lie. She wasn't leaving at all."

Lena swam over and placed a comforting hand on my arm. "What happened? Why would she lie?"

"I don't know," I admitted, feeling the familiar ache in my chest. "I thought we had something special. We spent an incredible time and night together, and then she just... shut me out before it even ended and told me she was leaving the following day. Like I did something or touched her wrong because we didn't do much talking when we got to her hotel. When I found out she wasn't actually leaving, I blocked her. I couldn't handle the thought of her being in Paris, so close, but not wanting to see me again."

Lena frowned, shaking her head. "I'm so sorry, Lizzy. That sounds awful."

"It was," I said, my voice breaking. "I thought she felt the same way. I thought maybe we connected. With how kind, sweet, funny and just fucking great in bed she was, I hoped she'd want to see more of me during our stay there. But yea... I guess I was that bad in bed, that she had to lie and say she was leaving in order not to see me again."

We sat in silence for a moment, the only sound the gentle lapping of water against the sides of the pool. Finally, Lena spoke again.

"You know, Lizzy, you can't let this define you. You can't let one bad experience ruin everything you experienced in Paris. Also, maybe Alex had her reasons, or maybe she was just scared of falling for you, so cutting it short was ideal."

I nodded, tears stinging my eyes. "It's just hard. I wish I could stop thinking about her."

"Give it time," Lena said softly. "You'll get past it. And in the meantime, I'm here for you. We'll get through this together."

I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts so I can explain this well. "Lena, the thing is, I didn't go to Paris looking for anything serious. I knew I was there for work, and it was just supposed to be a business trip and maybe pleasure. I wasn't expecting what I felt with Alex."

Lena listened intently, her eyes filled with empathy.

"It was shocking how we clicked from the get-go," I slowly continued. "From the moment we met, there was this undeniable connection.I kept making an idiot of myself but she was just… She made me feel special in just few minutes, in a way I hadn't felt at all. She made me forget all about my blind date and created a space for herself in my mind and stupid heart. Like how weak can a person be? So, I thought she might as well be my blind date then, if she was willing, I was also in it."

Lena nodded, understanding dawning on her face. "So, you were just looking to have fun like you did with Sophia, but it turned into something more."

"Exactly," I said avoiding her mentioning Sophia, my voice tinged with frustration about the current situation and not the stupid past decision I took about Sophia. “I knew that even though I was starting to like Alex more than I intended, we would eventually have to go our separate ways, so I wasn't going to ask her to marry me. We both had our own lives in different countries. But what hurt the most was how she lied to get rid of me, to tell me she didn't want me. She could have just let us have fun and then never call me again, but instead she lied."

I paused a bit, feeling the familiar sting of betrayal. "It felt like after we had sex, Alex realized something—maybe that she didn't want to fool around with me. Or that it was so horrible and such a waste of her precious time. Who knows? Maybe she had gotten what she wanted and didn´t want to repeat it.” My mind was now spiralling, it took me back to the last two weeks in Paris before I flew back.

“It made me feel so insecure, like I wasn't enough. Or like I did something she didn't like. Fuck! At least Sophia loved the sex."

Lena sighed, shaking her head. "That must have been so hard for you. But Lizzy, it's not your fault. People have their own issues and fears. Maybe Alex was dealing with something she couldn't share with you."

"I know," I said quietly. "But it still hurts. I thought we had the same goal, sex, and then she just cried and shut me out. I keep wondering if I did something wrong, if there was something about me that made her change her mind in that instant."

Lena reached out and squeezed my hand. "You didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes people lie because they're scared, or because they don't know how to deal with their own feelings. It doesn't mean you're not enough."

Tears welled up in my eyes. Fuck! I told myself I was done crying about Alex. "Thanks, Lena. I just wish I could stop thinking about her. It's like she's taken up permanent residence in my mind, and I can't evict her."

"Give it time," Lena said gently. "You'll heal. And remember, you're not alone. I'm here for you."

I nodded my head, feeling a small measure of comfort. "I appreciate that. I really do."

Lena's phone made a ping and then another one. She sighed before reaching for it, her expression shifting as she read the messages. I watched her curiously, wondering what that was about.

After a moment, she put the phone away and looked at me. "There's a party tonight. Tim wants me to come, and he said you should join us. Who knows, maybe you'll find someone to distract you."

I laughed, the idea of going to a party feeling oddly appealing despite my recent heartbreak from a relationship that didn't exist. "Sure, why not? Let's do it."

We both headed inside to take a shower. As the warm water cascaded over me, I felt a sense of renewal. Maybe tonight could be a step toward moving on, a chance to forget about Alex for a little while and just enjoy myself, even though I haven't been able to do that for the one month I have been back home. I wondered if she felt like this? If I occupied her thoughts the way she occupied mine?

I could hear Lena humming softly from the adjacent bathroom, and her cheerful demeanour was infectious. After I finished showering, I wrapped myself in a towel and stepped into the bedroom to pick out something to wear. Lena was already there, rifling through my closet for an outfit. She had clothes here and at my place the same way I had clothes at her place. We just made sure we had back-up in case we decided to be lazy at my moms and not go back to our places.

"Do you have anything in mind for tonight?" I asked, glancing at her choices.

She held up a sleek black dress and a pair of strappy heels. "I was thinking something like this. It's simple but elegant."

"Perfect," I said, rummaging through my own clothes until I found a vibrant red dress that I had but hadn't had a chance to wear. "I think I'll go with this."

Lena smiled approvingly. "You look great in red. It's going to be a fun night, babe. I can feel it."

As we dressed and applied our makeup, I felt a mix of excitement and nervousness. It had been a while since I went to a party without any expectations, just to have fun. And who knows, maybe Lena was right. Maybe I'd meet someone who could help me forget about Alex, at least for a few hours.

Once we were ready, we gave each other a final once-over and grabbed our purses. "Let's do this," I said, feeling a newfound determination.

Lena grinned and looped her arm through mine. "To new beginnings."

We stepped out into the warm evening, the sun setting in a blaze of colours as we headed to the party. None of us were driving, so we got a taxi. Safety first.

 The club was very intimate, and there was a special DJ playing, casting a magnetic energy over the crowd. My best friend and I looked around the second we walked in, and we had no problem spotting Tim, Lena's boyfriend. He stood out, tall and handsome, just like Lena always said.

We made our way toward him, and he greeted us with a big hug, kissing Lena on the lips. I rolled my eyes and pushed them both playfully. "Get a room, you two."

We danced for a bit, the music pulsing through us, making it easy to lose ourselves in the rhythm. After a while, we found some seats and decided to get something to drink.

I noticed a woman who had been looking at me for a while. She looked cute, with a bright smile that caught my attention. Maybe she could be a good distraction, I thought to myself as she walked over.

"Hi," she greeted me, her smile lighting up her face.

"Hi," I replied, smiling back.

"What are you drinking?" she asked, glancing at the empty glasses in front of us.

"I was just about to order," I said. Just then, a guy tapped the woman on the back and said, "Hey Mpumi, someone is sitting on your motorbike outside."

"Fuck me!" I blurted out, unable to believe the cruel twist of fate. How could God hate me so much to remind me of Alex just as I was trying to do everything to forget her?