Hunger and pain. Part three.

Thoughts of how he had fallen so quickly to the bottom of his life unsettled him with every passing second. But what was most frightening about this anxiety was that Adelard continued to be calm. It's a terrible feeling when inside, fear and anxiety rage, but on the surface you continue to act as if everything is fine. It's like sailing on a ship that is about to meet a wave, but nevertheless keeps sailing. There's nothing you can do, nothing you can change. But you keep sailing. Or that nervous smile that hides something terrible that can change a person forever. It is better to endure convulsive bouts of fear, sadness, and pain than to continue to be calm until the irreversible happens. The irreversible lurked in that hard bread that was left lying in front of the spiders and mice. Adelard did not finish this bread completely, for he had always taken care of everyone. Looking at the mice deftly eating what made his stomach ache, Adelard looked at the child he knew nothing about an