Chapter 1: Useless

Content Warning ⚠️

This chapter contains themes of emotional abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, toxic family dynamics, manipulation, and psychological distress.

Reader discretion is advised.

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Chapter 1

Amber’s POV

Umalingaw-ngaw ang malakas na pagtama ng palad ni Dad sa pisngi ko sa buong study.

My head snapped to the side from the force, and for a few seconds, I couldn’t hear anything except the ringing in my ears. Nalasahan ko ang dugo sa gilid ng labi ko, and the sting on my cheek spread like fire, hot and immediate. But I didn’t make a sound. I never did. Because I had learned a long time ago that crying only made him angrier.

“You useless, girl!” Dad roared, his voice thundering through the room. “One year! One goddamn year of this sham marriage, and you couldn’t even spread your legs properly and secure us an heir?! What the hell have you been doing, Amber?!”

Nanatili akong nakayuko habang nanginginig kong idinampi ang kamay sa namumula kong pisngi. It hurt. Everything hurt.

The marble floor beneath my feet blurred. I didn’t know if it was because tears were stinging my eyes or because I was desperately trying not to let them fall.

I swallowed the blood in my mouth and forced myself to speak. “Dad, I—”

“Shut your mouth! I didn’t give you permission to speak!”

Mariing bumagsak ang palad niya sa ibabaw ng mesa na nagpapitlag sa’kin, pagkatapos ay idinuro niya ako, namumula ang mukha niya sa matinding galit.

“Do you have any idea what I sacrificed to secure this marriage? I handed you the perfect opportunity, Amber! The Sanvitores family! The most powerful family in the country! And what have you done with it?” He scoffed. “Nothing!”

Muli akong napalunok, the taste of blood still lingering on my tongue. “Dad—”

“Don’t call me that!” he snapped. My shoulders jerked, and my eyes squeezed shut instinctively.

“Edmund...” Mom’s trembling voice cut through the silence. Sobrang hina ng boses niya at halos hindi marinig. “Please... calm down.”

Dad’s head whipped toward her. “Isa ka pa!” he barked. “Kasalanan mo rin ang lahat ng ito! You couldn’t give me a son, and now your daughter is just as useless! Inutil kayong mag-ina!”

Mom flinched as if she had been the one slapped. Agad siyang nagbaba ng tingin habang mabilis na pinupunasan ang mga luhang namuo sa mga mata niya.

I clenched my fists. The sight of her shrinking back into herself hurt more than the pain in my cheek. My mother had once been bright and beautiful. She used to laugh. I vaguely remembered it. But years of living with my father had slowly taken that away from her. Now she had become a shadow in her own home, quiet and obedient to a fault.

Muli akong hinarap ni Dad, his face twisted with disappointment and disgust.

“At ikaw.” Muli niya akong dinuro. “I told you explicitly to get pregnant immediately. To secure your position and tie the Sanvitores bloodline to ours so they can’t discard us like yesterday’s trash. But you can’t even do one simple thing!” His eyes narrowed into slits. “Are you even trying?”

The question pierced through me. Dahil sinusubukan ko naman talaga. God, I had tried for an entire year. I had endured the suffocating silence, the empty conversations that never went beyond surface pleasantries, the fake act in public and the icy distance in private. Sinubukan kong maging mabuting asawa. Pinagluluto ko siya kahit minsan ay hindi niya iyon kinakain and waited up for him even on nights he didn’t come home. Hindi ko na nga maalala how many times I cried myself to sleep. And still... a small, pathetic part of me kept hoping.

The college girl who had once admired him from afar still lived somewhere inside me, foolishly whispering that maybe time could change everything. Na baka if I loved him enough, if I tried harder, if I became someone he could finally see, things would be different.

So I kept trying. Paulit-ulit. But there was only so much one person could do lalo na kung ang taong sinusubukan mong abutin ay napapalibutan ng napakataas at napakakapal na pader na kahit gaano kalalim ang pagmamahal mo ay hindi mo kayang wasakin.

“Ginagawa ko naman po ang lahat,” giit ko sa mababang boses.

Mapait siyang natawa. “Do you really expect me to believe that?”

I lowered my head, unable to answer. What more can I say? Nabuo na sa isip niya na hindi ko ginagawa ang best ko.

“You only have one job, Amber. One job.” Lalong lumamig ang boses niya. “Secure your place in that family, and the best way to do that is by giving birth to Pierre’s child.”

His words made my stomach twist. “I-It’s not that simple.”

“Then make it simple!” he shouted. “Seduce him if you have to! You’re his wife, aren’t you?”

Natahimik ako at mas lalong napayuko. How can I seduce him when he doesn’t even care about me in the first place?

“What?” he spat. “Don’t tell me after one year your husband still doesn’t share your bed.”

Hindi ako makasagot but the truth was written all over my face. I didn’t need to say it for him to know.

“So you’re telling me...” His voice rose. “...that after one year of marriage, Pierre still hasn’t touched you?”

Sandaling nabalot ng katahimikan ang buong silid. Nanikip ang dibdib ko. The truth was humiliating and painful.

Dad stared at me as though I had personally ruined his life. “You really are useless. Not even your husband wants you.”

The words struck harder than the slap. I kept my head down, refusing to let him see the tears gathering in my eyes.

“You’ve greatly disappointed me, Amber,” he said, voice filled with contempt. “You were finally useful for something, but you fail to even do that.”

Mariin kong kinagat ang ibabang labi ko. Don’t cry, Amber. You’re used to this. Don’t cry.

“You ungrateful girl,” patuloy niya. “You’ve had everything because of me. That pretty face. Your education. Your comfortable life. The least you could do is fulfill your purpose.”

His words echoed in my head. Iyon lang ba talaga ako? A purpose? A tool? A bargaining chip? Something to be traded and used until I was no longer useful?

Suddenly, I felt tired. So unbelievably tired. Dahil kahit anong gawin ko... kahit anong sikap ko... hindi pa rin ako magiging sapat. Hindi para kay Dad, hindi para kay Pierre, and maybe not for anyone.

A tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it.

Dad frowned in annoyance. “Stop your useless crying.”

Mabilis kong pinunasan ang pisngi ko. “I’m sorry.” The words came automatically, as they always did. “I’m sorry.”

“This is your last chance, Amber.” His voice was low and dangerous. “You’d better make this work. Fucking make it work. Spread your legs, seduce him, drug him if you have to. Get on your knees and beg if that’s what it takes. I don’t care! If you don’t produce an heir soon, I will personally make sure this marriage ends on my terms.” He looked at me with cold, unforgiving eyes. “And when that happens, you’ll be worthless to me. Do you understand?”

Muling tumulo ang mga luha ko, but I wiped them away as quickly as I could and nodded. “Yes, Dad.”

He straightened his tie, his composure returning as though the violence had been nothing more than a minor inconvenience.

“Good.” He sat back down behind his desk. “Now fix your face before you go back to that husband of yours. And remember, the next time I see you, I expect results. Or the next slap will be the least of your problems.”

Then he dismissed me with a careless wave of his hand and turned back to the papers on his desk, as if I no longer existed.

Nanghihina ang mga tuhod na lumabas ako ng study. Tahimik namang sumunod sa akin si Mom hanggang sa hallway. She reached out hesitantly, her fingers brushing my arm. Her eyes were red and filled with guilt.

“Amber...” she whispered, her voice trembling. “I’m so sorry. If I could—”

“I know, Mom,” I cut her off gently, pulling her into a brief, tight hug. Her body felt frail against mine. “It’s not your fault.”

“Intindihin mo nalang ang Dad mo,” mahina niyang turan kalaunan. Dahan-dahan akong kumalas sa yakap at tinitigan siya, but she lowered her eyes.

“He’s under a lot of pressure with the company,” she continued softly. “Maybe... maybe if you just try harder with Pierre...”

I stared at her in disbelief, my head slowly shaking. “Mom... I can’t believe you’d say that to me.”

She looked up immediately, panic and guilt written all over her face. She reached out for me again. “I-I’m sorry, sweetheart. I just don’t want to see—”

I took a step back, avoiding her hand. “Don’t, Mom. Just... don’t.” The words came out sharper than I intended, but the betrayal stung more than I wanted to admit.

She had seen everything, and yet she was still asking me to try harder as if I hadn’t already given everything I had.

“Amber...” muli niyang tawag, tears filling her eyes.

I shook my head before turning around. I couldn’t look at her anymore. I couldn’t bear to see the guilt on her face or hear another excuse for the man who had spent so many years breaking us. Kaya naglakad na ako palayo. I could hear my mother calling my name behind me, pero hindi na ako lumingon pa.