Chapter Thirteen

Neil chuckles, shaking his head, “Yeah. right. I don’t even want to imagine what it’ll be like. But what do you think? How can you say that it’s love? When do you think it’s time? When do you say, ‘Oh, god. This is it. This is the person I am looking for. This is the person I want to be with’?”

I paused, still chuckling, mulling over his words while thinking for a good answer. And honestly, for someone a bit inexperienced like me, who had only come and gone over a couple chances of nearly-falling-in-love-but-didn’t-go-through-it, I don’t think I have the best judgment to this.

“I don’t really know,” I say after a while, shaking my head while I play the rim of my glass with my thumb. “I’m not really sure. I can’t say I’m an expert. But you. What do you

say about it? Considering that words are much your forte compared to me. You, with your very clever way of describing things about love. What do you think about it?”

“Honestly?” his eyebrows raised and he smiles wider, “I think it’s when you finally looked at the mirror and see the face of that person on your reflection.”

That made me laugh more harder, and I considered that a good one. “Maybe.”

“Yeah, or it’s when you begin feeling so exhausted, so tired of that person, that one night you’re just gonna explode, nose flaring, eyes so wild, and all you got to say is; ‘I can’t take this anymore! I don’t want to do this anymore, I’m tired of picking up your undies on the bathroom floor after you take a shower at night’, but still…”

I watched him demonstrate his words with our loud guffaws surrounding our table until he sighs, “You still end up having hot make-up sex later until morning.”

“I could imagine,” I say back, exhaling and biting my cheek to keep the laughter inside.

“Or maybe,” he adds again, “It’s when that person keeps saying the wrong things, keeps hurting your feelings but in the end… You still want to forgive that person. No matter how many shortcomings that person had or how many times that person have to messed up things between the two of you. You still… Keep that person.”

“Might be true,” I commented.

“Crazy. Unreasonable. But it’s love, right?”

I smiled, “Must be. Scary to think that love is just like mental masochism.”

“Exactly,” Neil agrees, chuckling and then he gestures out to me, “So, what do you say? Opinion? Violent reactions about this absurd conclusion?”

I sigh, still letting my chuckles play between the two of us. And I pause for a while as I let my eyes drift away, skimming to what was happening around us. The singer on the podium, the waiter carrying a tray, a family eating few tables back and another couple from a near distance. I stopped, and was suddenly caught by the sweet display of affection between the last scene. Almost same candlelit dinner as we are having. The old man was leaning over the table, reaching out his hand to wipe the side of the lips of the old woman across him, with his thumb. I watch him as he slowly smiles, as if he’s sharing an inside joke with her, then he lays back to his seat, a happy crinkle in his eyes. And that’s when I finally got my answer.

“You know,” I smiled sweetly then I gladly return my eyes to the man in front of me, “I think love, is when you’re patient enough, ready enough, to tolerate and commit yourself to this only one person for a lifetime.”

I didn’t have the time to ponder over my words, it seemed like every syllable of it came tumbling out of their own from my lips. From the nostalgic feeling of having to see a sweet gesture, it suddenly makes me feel reconsidering the absurdity of love.

“Lifetime,” I hear Neil repeats to me, but my mind was still wandering to the old couple from a distance.

“I think I like that,” he continues, “A lifetime.”

And I couldn’t help, I nod agreeably with him.

Few moments later, after three half-filled glasses of red wine, I find myself slow dancing with Neil, my head resting on his shoulder, my arms comfortably around his neck, on the dancefloor through the tune of Doris Day’s “Dream A Little Dream Of Me”. That has been the closest I’ve ever been to a man after ten months of not dating anyone. For a while, I find it surprising that in the midst of it, I was feeling like I could live in it for years.

There’s always been something about Neil since the moment I first met him. At first you’d think he’s gullible and naive. But once you started to get to know him better, you’d be surprised to realize that he was, in fact, very clever and deep-minded. He can casually talk of all sorts of things. He’d get you thinking of stuffs you weren’t aware before. He’s a master of persuasion and he has a way of making you hung on every word that comes off of his mouth.

He seems strange but altogether, he’ll make you crave his funny company, his cryptic words, and most of all, his laidback smiles. Warmth. His deep-set eyes. Comforting. His soft kisses on the cheek.

“Someday,” After a moment, I hear him over the wonders and clouded fantasies in my head as we keep on dancing around with other couples, “In the future, we’ll remember this.”

“Really?” I mumbled back half-heartedly, a smile on my lips and my eyes closed, still resting my head snugly against his shoulder.

“Hm-hmm,” his chest vibrates, “I just have a feeling, that we’ll remember all of this.”

And then, feeling like he needed to prove it, he presses me closer to him. I indulge into it, while on that exact moment, as we dance like there’s no tomorrow, I felt my heart faintly whispering to me… It’s him. This is it. But I was too occupied of the blissful dance to even mind it. I quickly shrug the thoughts away. Only that, little did I know, that memory will return to me in a vivid recollection.