Chapter 8- My North

[CW- This chapter contains struggles with motherhood and implications of PPD. Please take care of yourself while reading.]

“Your majesty,” her maid called from the door. The Lycan woman with soft brown eyes smiled warmly, holding the bundle in her arms. Her maid, Thea, was a reminder to her that not everyone in this land was like Kurnich. Most of them were just… People. 

“He’s awake.”

Ariadne's eyes softened, and she walked over to them.

“He slept well?” she asked, taking the bundle into her arms.

“Very well,” the maid nodded.

Ariadne moved the blankets back to reveal her sleeping son's face. He had her olive skin and Kurnich’s ears. She kissed her baby’s forehead. He wriggled and yawned awake, his baby blue eyes looking up at her.

“He’s going to make a handsome prince,” Thea said proudly.

“I’m sure,” Ariadne said dispassionately. All being well, her son would never know he was a prince.

“I’m sure he will need feeding soon,” Thea said.

“I’ll look after him,” Ariadne said. Thea smiled and closed the door.

For a moment, Ariadne was just allowed a quiet moment to stand with her son. Her baby boy. Her little North.

She wished she could love him more. Be… Maternal. But she knew her hardness served a purpose. Song, on the other hand…

“Our baby!” she cooed, trying to make Ariadne shift so she could hold him.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Ariadne growled, practically jogging back to her bed. Once she put North down, she let Song shift. She watched from their mind as Song sprang onto the bed and curled around their boy.

“He’s too cute,” Song said, snuggling and nuzzling North. The little boy cooed and wriggled, gripping at Song’s fur.

“He is…” Ariadne said softly. Her heart ached as she watched them interact.

“He’ll need milk soon,” Song said, as if to assure Ariadne that her being in the room was temporary.

“I know,” she said. “Let him enjoy his time with his wolf mama.”

Song practically purred and cuddled North, doting on him.

Ariadne let Song have her moment, letting herself float in their mind. She needed all the time she could to prepare herself to leave. Her wedding anniversary was coming into view. Almost a year away, but she had never had such a view of possible escape before.

She had the letters with information from Queen Astrea about the astronomer in the West of Lycan territory, who owed Astrea a favour and would take Ariadne and North in. From there, she could try to get to Leviathorp. If she and Song could keep North safe from rogues, they would be ok.

North let out a little whimper that grabbed Ariadne’s attention.

“He’s hungry now,” Song said softly. Ariadne shifted back, unbuttoning the top of her dress so she could breastfeed. North’s little mouth searched for what it needed…

“He’s not latching again,” Ariadne whispered.

“Give him a moment,” Song cooed.

“What if my milk is drying up? What if-” Ariadne replied, her grip on North tightening.

“Breathe,” Song whispered. “You know he’s got a bit of dolichocephaly from his father’s side. It’s going to make feeding that bit harder.”

“I know, I know…” Ariadne whispered.

North let out a little frustrated noise, and Ariadne’s heart clenched.

“He’s ok,” Song mumbled.

“He’s hungry,” Ariadne replied.

“He’s hungry, not starving. He’s safe,” Song said.

Ariadne tensed, her chest tight. North grumbled and grabbed at her chest, doing anything to get milk.

“Wait for it,” Song said softly. Ariadne nodded, but she winced as she tried not to cry. Then…

North let out a relieved sigh, and his body relaxed as he found his latch.

“See?” Song said.

“...Yeah…” Ariadne replied.

North drank greedily and happily, his frustration forgotten. It took Ariadne much longer to let her shoulders relax. Once he was done, she burped North and cuddled him on her bed.

“You worry so much for him,” Song teased.

“I’m allowed to be the one who worries,” Ariadne replied.

“Indeed,” Song replied. “But once we’re safe, we’re going to work on making you less of a worrier. Deal?”

Ariadne hesitated.

“Deal?” Song repeated.

“... Deal,” Ariadne said softly.

A hush fell over the room, only broken by North’s coos and small, happy noises.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Ariadne looked up as Thea walked in again.

“Sorry to disturb you, ma’am,” Thea said. “A letter arrived.”

Ariadne nodded, taking the letter. Her expression hardened when she saw the stamp.

A white star surrounded by smaller blue ones.

It was the astronomer.

“...Thank you. You can go now,” Ariadne said. Thea bowed and walked out of the room.

Ariadne skimmed the letter. Useless drivel. Good. Nobody would suspect anything.

She walked over to the fire and held the letter up to the warmth. After a few moments, words began to appear on the backs of the pages.

Your majesty,

Astrea is still missing. Passage to the west will become difficult in a few months when winter hits. Choosing to leave on your anniversary, or after, may be challenging.

Increased rogue activity.

Be safe.

-L

Ariadne frowned.

Why was rogue activity increasing?