It was Alexander !!!

The rain had continued to fall.

It should have made me calm, but the only thing it did was scare me even more.

I sat on the coach, holding the test result like a secret.

Claire walked in, with two cups of tea in her hands, as she studied me.  "Nichole just tell what you're staring at, you've been looking at that paper for a while now."

I stared at the floor.

I couldn't look her in the eye.

My hands were shaking as I finally managed to speak. “I’m pregnant.”

Her eyes widened.

The mug almost fell from her hand. “Wait...what?”

I nodded.

I could hardly see as tears filled my eyes

Claire put the mugs down and sat beside me. “Nichole… how long have you known?”

“I found out yesterday. At my grandfather’s party.” I sighed. "It’s like life is just out to get me, isn't it? One disaster after another.”

She reached for my hand. “Does Daniel know?”

I froze.

Hearing his name brought back memories I didn't want to remember.  “No,” I whispered. “And I don’t know if he ever should.”

Claire frowned. “You don't mean that”

“I can’t look at him, Claire. I can’t even face myself right now.” I responded

There was nothing after that

I could feel her eyes on me, searching for an explanation I wasn’t ready to give.

She finally spoke. “Then who…?”

The question hit a spot.

I looked away, the memory flashing in my mind , dim lights, the scent of whiskey, and his lips against mine, or was it just a kiss?

I’d tried to bury it, to convince myself that night  was nothing more than the kiss, but the more I thought about it, the **more unsure I was about what actually happened**

“Claire,” I whispered,  “I don’t know who the father is.”

She couldn't close her mouth. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

I stood up, walking slowly across the small living room. “Claire, it all happened so fast. That man at the bar,  that night. The night I met someone else.”

Claire’s voice softened. “Nichole… After the kiss, you came back but I couldn't find you for a while... where were you!?"

I hesitated.

Why don't I remember?

It was just that dare and that was it right?

My heart pounded fast as I turned away from her . “The guy at the bar, that kiss... it was Alexander.”

She blinked. “Alexander Lancaster?”

“Yes.” The word came out like a confession. “Daniel’s uncle.”

Claire put her hand on her forehead. “Oh my God.”

“I didn’t know who he was that night,” I continued.

“I swear, I didn’t. I was drunk and angry. I just wanted to forget everything Daniel had done.”

But even I didn't know what I was apologising for.

For some reason, I wasn't even sure what happened with him.

Claire just stared as she tried to understand what I had just told her “So you think it could be his?”

“I don’t know. I don't even know what happened with him." I sat on the chair. "I can't remember  if I saw him after the kiss. I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

Claire sat beside me “Then we need to find out. You can’t keep living with that doubt.”

My head ached.

“And what if I find out the truth and it's even worse? What if it’s worse than I think?”

“Not doing anything about it won’t change it," she answered. “The longer you hide, the harder it’ll be.”

I knew she was right.

But I wasn’t ready.

I wasn't  ready to face Daniel, I wasn't ready  to face the world, and definitely not to face Alexander.

I leaned back, as tears filled my eyes.

“Everyone’s already talking about me, Claire. I’m the girl who got dumped, the ex-fiancée who wasn't good enough." I paused. " If they find out I’m pregnant, I’ll never survive that humiliation.”

Claire pulled me closer.  “Then we won’t tell anyone. Not yet. Not until you’re ready.”

I nodded.“You’d do that for me?”

She smiled. “Always. But just one thing," she paused. "Promise me that  when you find out,  you’ll tell the truth,no matter who  it is.”

I didn’t answer immediately.

I tried to remember that night, I wanted to remember.

It was just the kiss right?

I  was in the toilet when Claire was looking for me right?

When I finally looked up, Claire was watching me. “You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”

I blinked. “About Alexander?”

She nodded.

I looked away.

“It’s hard not to. He’s in my head. Every time I close my eyes, I see him. At that party, he looked at me like he already knew.”

Claire’s raised her brows. “Knew what?”

I opened my mouth to answer but stopped.

I couldn't  continue talking.

That strange  look in Alexander’s eyes when he saw me, like he knew something  I hadn’t realized yet.

“I don’t know,” I replied.  “But I have this  feeling that he knows something I don’t.”

Claire sighed and held my hand.

“Then you need to stay calm. We’ll keep this a  secret until you’re ready. No one needs to know, not Daniel, not your family, no one. Okay?”

I nodded.

“Okay,” I whispered.

We sat there for a long time and said nothing.

I tried to calm down, but I just couldn't.

There was now a secret only both of us knew

And deep down, even though I wanted to believe everything would stay hidden, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that secrets never stayed hidden for long.