Chapter 3- Slow down

“Are you tired?” my little sister Mina asks me when I yawn for the 5th time in less than 2 minutes. I know this because she has been counting for me, out loud. I just picked her and my little brother up from school. Their school is a 15-minute bus ride from my school, I could walk but taking the bus means I get there faster and I will have more time before I have to go to work. And then the three of us have to walk home from their school.

I’ve been doing this for the last six months and I can feel my body fighting me. But what other choice do I have? If I don’t work, my siblings and I can’t eat. And if I don’t take care of them no one will.

My mother went missing again, she’s been missing for three months now, leaving me to take care of the three of us.

Don’t ask me where she disappeared to because I don’t know. I learned to stop looking for her a long time ago.

All I think about now is making sure that these two are safe, warm and fed.

This is the life I know, she’s been disappearing on me since I was a kid. I had to learn how to take care of myself from a very young age. It was easier when it was just me because I just had to worry about myself.

When she brought Mina home, I knew I had to protect her and I have been doing so for the last 7 years. Jon was born 2 years after Mina and I am all they have!

“Yes I am tired” I answer after another yawn.

“You should skip work today and sleep” she proclaims as we walk out of the primary school yard and head home.

“You know what, I think you have the right idea” I muse out loud. I could call in sick and just sleep and never wake up.

“Leo, look” Jon says stopping and pointing to a car.” It’s a Ferrari” he says and jumps up and down. Jon is obsessed with sports cars. He’s one of those kids that can name every supercar out there.

“I know and it’s your favourite colour too,” I say smiling hard. I love these moments with them. I get to forget for a moment what I need to do and just talk to them.

“Yeah Burnt orange” he says gleefully. The car zooms past us and we watch it disappear down the road and then we start walking again. “ I’m going to drive one of those one day” he declares with confidence.

What five-year-old likes the colour burnt orange.

“ I hope you’ll give me a ride when you do” I say remembering a time when I was that young and hopeful. I want to protect that innocence in them, I want their dreams to come true. That’s why I work so hard.

I work so that they will never have to go to sleep hungry like I did when I was a kid. Granted I can only do so much but I know we have a place to stay and food to eat. The rest will figure itself out.

We walk the rest of the way in silence, I run through what I need to get done today in my head. Laundry, and homework for everyone, I also need to get these two fed, bathe them and then get them to their babysitter. And then I need to get to work.

I sigh thinking about all of that. I could take a power nap when I get home, a quick 30 minutes to shake off the tiredness.

When we get home I let the kids in and walk to bed and just stare at it. I know if I get on it I won’t get up. I know it in my heart that I’m going to oversleep.

I put my school bag down and headed to the kitchen. I make us PB and J sandwiches and eat quickly. I don’t want to sit down for too long. I head to the bedroom and get the dirty laundry together.

I head out to the Laundromat in the apartment complex. I get all the whites in the machine and sit down, I feel my eyes close the moment I hear the machine start running. I open my eyes and blink hard.

“ Let me set an alarm,” I say out loud. I set the alarm and close my eyes. I need to take a nap or I won’t be able to work today. A 15-minute power nap will have to do.

Later that night at work

I work at the only late-night grocery store in the suburbs of Pretoria. It’s a new thing Mr Brown the store owner is trying. South Africa is not used to 24-hour walk-in stores. We have fast food drive-throughs and 24-hour filling stations but not actual stores that have more than the odd cold drink.

I am 1 of his 10 employees, I am the youngest but the hardest working. I am glad Mr Brown gave me this job in the first place. The pay takes care of the rent, food and utilities. And my weekend job takes care of the rest of our needs.

“Leo, can you help me with these boxes back here? ” Mr Brown calls out to me from his back office. Today is a bit slow, so I am sweeping the whole shop floor to pass the time. Plus it means that we have less to do at closing time.

“Yes, I’ll be right there” I call out. I Sweep up the dirt and carry it out to the trash bin.

“ I just need to get these cleaning supplies to the store room,” he says and points to a mountain of boxes stacked in the corner of his office.

“Cool,” I say reaching for the boxes.

“How are you holding up?” he asks Mr after a moment.

“ I’m doing good” I answer immediately feeling uncomfortable. I hate talking about anything outside of work with Mr Brown because he almost always asks about my mother.

“ Good. How are the kids?”

“ They’re good too,” I say not really knowing what to say

“ Good. Have you heard from your mother?” he asks finally getting to his primary question.

“No”

“Have the police said anything?” he asks his brow furrowed. He’s worried about her. I want to tell him not to bother but I don’t.

Mr Brown knows my mother from way back when she was a kid. She used to work for him in this same store back when it was old-fashioned and not all “organic and free range”. So it’s completely understandable why he would be worried. He knows her more than I do.

“ No, they haven’t said anything since the initial docket was opened.