Chapter 36

Selena’s POV

There was a new scent in the corridor.

Not soap. Not food. Not even the faint wild clover that always Found their way in through the open windows in the morning.

And it definitely didn’t belong to sisi and i

This was different.

Sharp. Sweet. Floral—like pressed roses and crushed vanity.

I stepped out of my room with a folded towel over my arm, blinking at the scent as it clung to the hallway like perfume with something to prove.

And then I heard the laugh.

Not Sisi’s. Not one of the maids’.

It was… too smooth. Too polished. And it echoed like it had every right to belong here.

I turned the corner and stopped short.

She was tall, her blonde hair coiled in elegant spirals that fell like they were shaped by wind and handmaids. Her dress was silk—real silk—and crimson red. She was standing by the window, talking to one of the guards like she wasn’t a guest, but a returning queen.

Her smile widened when she saw me. But it wasn’t friendly.

“Oh,” she said, voice warm and ice-cold all at once. “You must be the nanny.”

My jaw tensed. “Excuse me?”

She tilted her head. “You’re the one helping Cassian with little Sisi, right? He’s always had such a soft heart. Always giving the strays a home.”

Stray.

The word landed like a slap. But I didn’t let it show. I simply nodded once and said, “You must be lost. The throne room’s the other way.”

She didn’t flinch. “Oh no. I’ve already been there. And here. And here.” She gestured to the corridor, then my face. “I remember this palace well. Every inch. Every hallway. Every bed.”

Something cracked low in my chest. But I didn’t answer. I couldn’t—not without saying something that would shame me later.

Instead, I turned and walked away.

But the scent followed me.

Later that morning, Sisi was the one who broke the silence. She came barreling into the sitting room where I was folding laundry and plopped down beside me, hugging my side.

“Mommy,” she whispered. “Daddy’s talking to someone downstairs.”

“Who?” I asked, even though I already knew.

She shrugged. “A lady in red. She smells like cinnamon and roses. She kissed his cheek.”

I nodded, pretending it didn’t land like a knife.

“She told me I looked just like him,” Sisi added, quiet now. “And then she said I was pretty. But she didn’t mean it nice.”

I turned my head and looked at her. “What do you mean, baby?”

“She looked at you when she said it. Like she wanted to make you sad.”

I blinked, but the tears didn’t fall.

They never did when I needed them to.

By midday, the palace felt heavier.

The laughter I used to hear from the maids was gone. The warmth I’d built in my little corner of this place seemed distant now. Julia—because that’s who she was—was walking through the halls like she never left.

And I… I couldn’t breathe.

I told Sisi I needed some time alone. That I had a headache. She frowned, but didn’t argue. She was growing too smart for her age.

I went into the gardens. Sat beneath the willow tree Cassian once pointed out during our first walk. The one with leaves that danced when no wind touched them.

I sat there and I shook.

Because I’d started to fall for a man I didn’t understand.

A man with stormblood and silence.

And now—now that I’d started letting the walls down—someone from his past walked in and made me feel like furniture.

Like I was nothing more than a placeholder.

I heard their voices before I saw them.

Cassian’s was low, unreadable. Julia’s? Laughing. Too easy.

“I’ve missed you,” she said.

He didn’t answer. I leaned back into the shadow of the stone arch.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me she was living here,” Julia continued. “And with your daughter? How domestic of you.”

Still, silence.

“Is she the reason you stopped returning my letters?” Julia asked.

My heart thudded.

“You know,” she continued, “I always wondered how long your little martyr phase would last. But I see it now. She’s your rebellion, isn’t she? Against everything we were. Against what you really are.”

A long pause.

Then his voice.

“She’s not a rebellion.”

That hurt more than I thought it would.

Because it meant I mattered.

And I didn’t know if I could survive that.

Julia scoffed. “Then what is she, Cassian? Just another mistake?”

He didn’t answer.

I didn’t wait to hear more.

That night, I sat in bed with Sisi tucked against my side.

I had taken my things and om moved out of the room

Because from their conversations, I could tell that Julia probably wanted ghe room to herself and Cassian.

And it would be insensitive of me to still remain there and be an inconvenience to whatever wild things they had planned out.

She fell asleep holding my fingers, breathing soft and even.

I watched her chest rise and fall. Listened to the silence. And felt everything tighten inside me.

My phone buzzed.

A message from Eleanor:

“We would be going firban in person tour of the school. I’m excited”

Another one from the hospital:

“Your aunt is becoming stable .”

I stared at both. Then typed:

“Thank goodness.”

I hovered over the send button.

Deleted it.

Typed it again.

And sent it.

Because even if everything inside me was breaking…

I couldn’t afford to fall apart.

Not yet.

Not here.

I went out, to drop the cup sisi had used for her matcha.

I returned to the room and the last thing I saw before I blew out the candlelight was Cassian in the hallway, staring at my door.

We didn’t speak.

But this time, I didn’t look away.

And that, somehow, felt like war.

The next morning, she was still here.

Julia.

I had a night mare about her and I hoped that somehow, she would be gone befire I woke up.

But no, here she was…filling the entire palace woth her shrill laughter

Why did the ‘nobles’ have to behave like sardines in a can?

. It grated. Not because she was loud, but because every word she said felt meant to be overheard.

Like she wanted to stake a claim in every room with her presence.

And she did.

She paraded the western wing like she belonged in cassian’s life more than I ever could.

I watched one of the maids offer her a pastry om a tray.

I watched hiw she waved her off lazily.

Like the entire palace needed to adjust to her preferences.

And me?

I hated myself in that moment

Hated how much my chest boiled at the soft of her

I had allow myself become jealous

And worse? Jealous over a man that wasn’t mine to begin with

I couldn’t afford breakfast, not when it meant I had to watch her converse woth Cassian.

So instead I retreated back into my room and over processed the entire situation till my brain shut down and I slept off.

By midday, she’d found Sisi again.

They were in the rose garden. I was walking past the corridor when I heard Sisi giggling. At first, I smiled.

Until I heard her say, “I used to take your daddy on walks right here. He always picked the yellow roses for me. Did he ever pick any for your mommy?”

I stopped.

My hands clenched into fists before I could stop them.

Julia was weaponizing memories.

Sisi, in all her innocence, only said, “No. Mommy picks her own flowers.”

I wanted to cry. Or scream. Or thank her.

I didn’t do any of those things.

Instead, I turned away—again.

Because that’s what I’d been doing since the picture.

Since I saw the truth.

Since everything shattered quietly inside me and no one else heard the sound.

Not even Cassian.

He’d been quiet too. Giving me space, maybe. Or punishing me for the silence I’d wrapped around myself like armor.

Either way, he let her stay.

That hurt more than anything.

***

That night, I helped Sisi into bed. She leaned against my shoulder as I combed through her curls.

“Do you like Miss Julia?” she asked suddenly.

The brush paused.

“I don’t know her very well,” I said carefully.

“She talks funny.”

“She’s from far away,” I answered, even though I wasn’t sure where Julia was from anymore. Just that it wasn’t anywhere I wanted to revisit.

“She smells like sharp flowers,” Sisi murmured.

I smiled faintly. “Is that a good thing?”

Sisi thought about it. “I like how you smell more.”

My throat tightened.

After she drifted to sleep, I remained

Paused as I watched her sleep amd somehow it made me feel grounded.

, like I was still real, still strong. Even if everything else inside me was unraveling.

i left sisi on the bed and returned to the hallway

Because somehow I hoped that he was outside

Maybe this time I would give him the answers he was looking for.

But he wasn’t

Cassian wasn’t in the hall that night.

For the first time in a while, I missed the way his shadow remained behind my door.

Not because I needed him.

But because I hated how I noticed his absence.

***

lt was morning again and if I was being honest?

Tye days we’re passing by more quickly than I could imagine

It was like I was living everyday without a purpose of my own.

I passed by Julia on the stairs.

She didn’t move.

Neither did I.

We stared at each other for half a second too long.

She smiled again. That same painted, perfect smile.

“I must say,” she said sweetly, “it’s truly impressive how composed you are. I couldn’t do it—watching the man I live with entertain an old flame under the same roof.”

I said nothing.

She leaned in.

“Did he tell you how we met? He saved me once, you know. From a battle I had no business surviving.”

Her eyes searched mine.

“He always had a weakness for broken things.”

I finally smiled. Small. Cold.

“So do I,” I nodded and walked away.

That afternoon, I found Cassian in the war room.

He was staring at a map, his hand resting near the western border.

I didn’t speak.

Neither did he.

Not until I turned to leave.

“Selena,” he said.

I paused.

“She’s not staying.”

I looked back over my shoulder. “No?”

He shook his head once. “She doesn’t belong here anymore.”

I nodded.

But that was all.

Because the real thing I wanted to ask—

“Why did she ever belong here in the first place?” But the words never made it past my throat.

That night, the rain came.

Soft at first, then heavier.

Sisi crawled into my bed again, scared of the thunder. Her tiny hands clutched the hem of my shirt.

I sang her the lullaby my mother used to hum. The one with no real words, just melody and comfort. She fell asleep that way.

I stayed awake.

Thinking of everything I couldn’t ask.

Everything I was afraid to feel.

Everything I already knew.

Because the truth was this:

I couldn’t leave.

Not yet.

Not while Eleanor was having a splendid time touring the college of her dreams

Not while my aunt was still alive because of the palace-funded hospital bills.

Not while Sisi had just started talking again.

And especially not while Julia stood tall and unshaken in a place that had finally started to feel like mine.

No.

I couldn’t afford to fall apart.

So instead—

I folded the rage into neat corners.

I buried the jealousy deep.

And I whispered to the night:

“Just a little longer.”

Because storms pass.

Even if the thunder stays a while.

I didn’t know how long I stood there.

Frozen.

Half-hidden behind the stone arch that led from the corridor into the sunlit hall.

Long enough to see Julia touch his arm again.

Long enough to hear her voice — warm, flirtatious, like honey laced with poison.

“And you never used to turn down my tea, Cass,” she said with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Or my company.”

He didn’t move.

Not immediately.

Not when she leaned in a little closer.

Not when she looked at him like she still had a claim.

But something in his shoulders shifted.

And then I saw it — the tightening of his jaw, the stiffness in his stance. That familiar edge in his silence that I’d started to recognize.

He wasn’t comfortable.

He wasn’t amused.

He wasn’t welcoming her.

But he also wasn’t saying anything to make her leave.

That part stung more than it should have.

I stepped back before he noticed me.

Turned and walked away fast, before I did something stupid. Before I asked questions I wasn’t sure I wanted answers to.

Like why she was here.

Why she was touching him.

And why he let her.

I forced myself away from there amd returned back to the room and joined sisi

But even though I was in bed with sisi, my thoughts were elsewhere.

It’s none of your business.

That’s what I told myself.

Over and over again.

He’s not yours. He never was.

He’s your boss. Your daughter’s father. A broken man trying to do the right thing.

That’s it. That’s all it is.

But the ache in my chest didn’t listen.

And neither did the way my hands shook as I stroked sisi’s hair

“Mommy?”

Hwr lashes tickled my chin as she drew invisible circles om my upper arm.

“What is it, love?”

She rubbed one eye. “Is Daddy mad at you?”

I blinked. “What?”

“You weren’t smiling this morning,” she said quietly. “And you didn’t sit next to him at breakfast. You always sit next to him.”

Oh.

I swallowed. “No, sweetheart. Daddy’s not mad at me.”

“Are you mad at him?”

“No,” I said gently. “Not mad. Just… tired.”

She stared at me for a beat. Then wrapped her arms around me and hugged me around the neck.

I held her close too tightly, maybe. Like she was the only thing keeping me grounded.

Because maybe she was.

“Do you like her?”

That one took longer to answer.

“I don’t know her,” I said at last. “But I don’t have to like everyone.”

She nodded like that made sense.

Then she rolled over and snuggled deeper into the blanket.

And I was left staring at the ceiling — wide awake.

Wondering what it meant.

Wondering why Julia was really back.

And wondering what I was supposed to do now that she was.

Because it was clear…

She wasn’t leaving.

Not without a fight.

And I didn’t know if I had the strength to fight at all.

I told myself it didn’t matter.

That I had no right to feel anything at all. That whatever Cassian did, whoever he chose to be with—wasn’t my business.

But the lie burned.

I knew how that felt.

I curled into the pillow, pressing it against my chest, trying to keep my breathing steady. Trying to tell myself it didn’t matter.

I wasn’t jealous.

I wasn’t.

He could do what he wanted. He owed me nothing.

We had a contract.

That’s all.

Just a job.

Just a role to play.

Except…

I had believed him. Even when I shouldn’t have. Even when I swore I wouldn’t let myself fall for another man

Especially not the one that literally smelled like danger

Maybe I saw something in him that wasn’t there. Maybe I’d imagined it all—the warmth, the laughter, the shared glances in the garden when Sisi wasn’t looking.

Maybe that was my mistake.

Letting hope in where survival should’ve stayed.

I pressed the pillow tighter.

She was beautiful.

Julia.

Of course she was.

With her long, perfect hair and voice like poured honey.

She was the kind of woman men like Cassian were supposed to be with. Not me. Not the pauper who barely held her family together with blood and borrowed courage.

Was she sent here? Was it just coincidence? Or was Zevran behind it somehow?

The resemblance between them still haunted me. Cassian and Zevran.

Same mouth. Same jawline. Same shadows in their eyes.

Was this fate’s final joke?

Give me a taste of something good

And then twist the knife.

I almost laughed.

But it broke into a sob.

I clutched the edge of the blanket and buried my face in it. Not crying loud. Just quietly. The way I always had.

Because girls like me didn’t get the luxury of falling apart.

But tonight, it felt like I was already in pieces.

When the tears dried, I sat up. Wiped my face. Walked to the desk and opened my phone.

A message from Eleanor blinked at the top.

“how are you doing ?The college is even more beautiful than I had imagined it to be ”

I stared at it.

And somehow it made up for everything I was feeling

Because it was proof that one of us had a shot at a good life

That we could still afford to dream

And that my sacrifices were going to pay off ine day

My fingers hovered above my phone screen and I Typed back:

“Im breaking apart Eleanor

Then deleted it.

Typed again:

“I’m okay. Don’t worry.”

Deleted that too.

I settled on:

“Keep going. I’m proud of you.”

Sent.

Because no matter what happened here

no matter what I felt

I couldn’t forget why I stayed.

For her.

For Aunt.

For Sisi.

Especially Sisi.

I wasn’t allowed to fall apart.

Not yet.

I stood, pulled the blanket around my shoulders, and whispered into the silence of the room:

“I’ll get through this.”

Even if it meant breaking silently.

Even if he never looked at me again.

Even if I’d never be the one he chose.

Because I had to.