Chapter 5

I flailed my arms, trying to stop the man, only to realize I was reliving a memory.

Everything around me was dark except for a sliver of light spilling from Mom and Dad's room. Like a moth drawn to a flame, I drifted toward it.

Mom sat on the bed, looking exhausted.

Dad finally asked, "Jenny still hasn't come out to eat?"

Mom didn't answer. She just rubbed her left shoulder.

Dad reached over and started massaging her shoulder. "Can she really go all day without eating? She's been through ten years of hell. I don't expect anything from her. All I want is for her to be safe and healthy for the rest of her life."

Mom let out a long sigh and turned to him. "Jenny's my daughter. Of course I worry about her. But it's always one episode after another. How much more are we supposed to take?

"Nancy even asked me today if we could go back to the way things used to be, when it was just the three of us."

Mom sniffled. "Randy, we owe Nancy so much. We adopted her after we'd given up hope of ever finding Jenny. Do you remember what we promised?"

Dad closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Mom went on. "We promised we'd raise her as our own and never make her feel like she was any less our daughter."

Her voice cracked, and she started crying harder. "But do you know what Nancy told me today? She said she wasn't trying to compete with Jenny for our attention. She's just scared of losing us."

Dad pulled Mom into his arms. She buried her face in his shoulder and stayed quiet for a long moment.

When she finally spoke, her voice was muffled against his shoulder. "I don't care. Tomorrow, we're taking Nancy to the amusement park. Jenny can stay home."

Dad's hand stilled against her back. "Can we really leave Jenny home alone? Maybe we should have a therapist stay with her tomorrow."

Mom shoved him away and stared at him in disbelief. "Randy, are you crazy? We barely have any money left. Jenny even called yesterday asking when we were going to pay her back the 20,000 dollars."

My eyes burned.

Why hadn't I died sooner? I had put my family in debt. I was the one to blame.

In the light, Dad's sunken cheeks and Mom's swollen hands showed just how much they had suffered while searching for me. I had put them through so much.

At least I was dead now.

Dad sighed. "If I have to, I'll get a part-time job and work nights. We'll find a way. We can't let either of our daughters suffer."

Then he turned off the bedroom light.

The next morning, Mom was up before dawn making breakfast because she had promised to take Nancy to the amusement park.

She brought a bowl of oatmeal to my room. "Jenny, are you awake? Come eat something. I'm sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have lost my temper with you."

When I still didn't answer, Mom's expression hardened, and she kicked the door open. The room was pitch-black.

She hurled the bowl at me and screamed, "You're nothing but a headache! What do you want from us? Who are you trying to punish by starving yourself? Your dad was even talking about hiring an in-home therapist for you last night.

"You're tearing this family apart! There hasn't been a moment of peace in this house since you came back!"

The more she yelled, the angrier she got. Finally, she lost her patience and started toward me to pull me up.

But as she stepped closer, she saw my lifeless face in the faint light, my eyes tightly shut. As she took another step, her foot hit the razor blade.

Mom looked down at it and seemed to realize what had happened. Her knees buckled, and she slumped to the floor.