Semua Bab They Blamed Me for Surviving: Bab 1 - Bab 8

I stared at the razor blade in my hand and remembered what the doctor had told Mom and Dad."Jenny has severe depression. You need to keep anything sharp away from her."My whole body was stiff as a board.Maybe Mom and Dad had wanted me dead all along.After everything I'd been through, I had become an embarrassment to them. They never knew when I might have another breakdown, so they were always on edge around me.It was time to end it all.I cut my wrist, then lay down in the storage room they'd hastily turned into a bedroom for me and waited to die. The silence terrified me. All I could hear was my own heartbeat.Suddenly, I wanted to hear Mom and Dad's voices one last time.When I was little, whenever they had to work late and I was home alone, they would call me. They would tell me stories, listen to me sing, and patiently keep me company.My vision was growing blurry. I struggled to unlock the old phone my younger adopted sister, Nancy Bonner, had given me and dialed th

I passed straight through the wall.Dad closed the front door behind them while Mom led Nancy inside with burgers and fried chicken, both of which were favorites of mine too.Then Mom saw that the living room was still a complete mess. Her expression hardened, and she turned to Dad."Jenny's getting harder and harder to deal with. We miss one phone call, and now she can't even be bothered to clean up the house. Her temper just keeps getting worse."Depression, somatization, whatever. I think she's faking all of it! Randy, we can't keep coddling her like this. Tomorrow, we're making her go out and get a job!"Mom was still complaining when Nancy let go of her hand and ran to my room.She pressed up against the door and called softly, "Jenny, please don't be upset. I brought you a big burger!"When I didn't answer, Nancy turned around, looking hurt, tears clinging to her lashes. "Mom, why won't Jenny talk to me? Is she mad because you and Dad took me to the hospital? I'm sorry, Je

I flailed my arms, trying to stop the man, only to realize I was reliving a memory.Everything around me was dark except for a sliver of light spilling from Mom and Dad's room. Like a moth drawn to a flame, I drifted toward it.Mom sat on the bed, looking exhausted.Dad finally asked, "Jenny still hasn't come out to eat?"Mom didn't answer. She just rubbed her left shoulder.Dad reached over and started massaging her shoulder. "Can she really go all day without eating? She's been through ten years of hell. I don't expect anything from her. All I want is for her to be safe and healthy for the rest of her life."Mom let out a long sigh and turned to him. "Jenny's my daughter. Of course I worry about her. But it's always one episode after another. How much more are we supposed to take?"Nancy even asked me today if we could go back to the way things used to be, when it was just the three of us."Mom sniffled. "Randy, we owe Nancy so much. We adopted her after we'd given up hope of

"Dad, you work so hard. I don't want to take dance lessons anymore. That way, you won't have to work so much overtime."Dad, your shoulder's hurting again. Here, take the money I saved from my allowance and go see a doctor."Dad, I don't need tutoring anymore. It costs too much. I can study on my own."Dad, I…"One memory after another came rushing back to Dad, all the times I had tried to make things easier for him growing up.A broken sound escaped him, somewhere between a laugh and a sob. Just hearing it made my chest ache."I was wrong. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I never should've said those awful things."He grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled hard. "You were never a burden. You're my daughter. You mean everything to me!"Overcome with grief, he started slamming his head against the wall again and again. Soon, there were small streaks of blood on the wall.I hovered beside him in a panic, reaching out to stop him. "I don't blame you, Dad! I don't blame you!"I s