This Vow of Ours

Julian Wright was his name. The man I was going to marry.

Okay, maybe I was getting way too ahead of myself. We only had a couple of coffee dates together and he told me that I was beautiful a total of three times in the short time we've known each other but I don't know, I think I'm in love.

Yep, obviously male contact wasn't a normal thing for me. His stories of travel adventures and undivided attention were enough to get my hopeless romantic heart swoon. It's not every day that a pretty guy like him visited this town where nothing remotely interesting ever happened so sue me for acting like such a schoolgirl.

I was whistling happily on my way to the living room, fiddling with the ring Julian gave me, when the sight of my dad stopped me. He's usually on his bed on weekend mornings, his aching joints keeping him confined there.

He was sitting on the recliner, staring intently at some picture on his hand. I crept up behind him.

I didn't know what I expected to see but it definitely wasn't a photo of myself wearing a ballerina outfit. I looked about 18 or 19 and yet, I had no recollection of anything related to the picture.

“I didn't know I did ballet.”

“Cazzo!” He jumped like he'd been scalded then became reproachful as his gaze fell on me. “Lucy, you have to stop sneaking around like that.”

“Sorry. The picture looks really old. When was that?”

“Long ago,” he merely grunted, hiding the picture on his wallet. His past was a touchy subject. I couldn’t ask a single question about it without having his walls up. Usually, I left the subject alone, chalking it up to be too painful for him to reminisce over. The darkness in his eyes alone said it. There were times when he was looking at me but it felt like he was seeing someone else. He didn't seem aware of it. It was quite unnerving like I never really knew him.

“Dad?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you been to Rome?”

His eyes narrowed. There it was again. His walls. I couldn't seem to get past it. If we continued like this, it seemed like I would never be able to. But to my surprise, he answered.

“No. I was never a fan of traveling.”

“How about now?”

“Be a dear and pass me the newspaper.”

I quickly reached for it on the coffee table and handed it to him. I perched upon the edge of the table in front of him, undeterred.

“It's summer, why don't we have a little vacation, say Rome?”

“Someday, sweetheart, I promise.”

His easy dismissal grated on my nerves. I never realized how much he shut me down until now. He's so used to me taking his words as law and never questioning it.

“Stop treating me like a kid! I’m already 22 for goodness' sake!”

I had risen from the table, slightly proud of myself that I was standing up against him this time but his calm demeanor only made me feel like a petulant child.

“I know.”

“Well? Look, if it's about money I can save up. Danny's hiring—“

“No. You don't have to do that. I can provide enough for the both of us.”

I bit down on my lower lip. I felt like screaming but I knew it would just be like venting to a wall. “If you're that scared of traveling, then I don't mind going alone.”

There was a moment of tense silence before he put down the newspaper. His expression was hard. “So that's what this is about? You feel so suffocated taking care of me and now you want to leave me?”

Just like that, my simmering anger was doused down by the guilt thrown at me. My eyes flicked towards his bad leg. As with all things, I never knew the whole story behind it. Only that it was a remnant of my mother's accident. An inescapable reminder that accompanied his every movement that his wife was dead.

“No, dad—”

“You have no idea how dangerous it is out there, especially on your own.”

“How can I know when you're always keeping me here?”

“You know that I'm just trying to keep you safe.”

Safe. Safe. Safe. Everything he did all came down to it. I wanted to pull my hair out of frustration.

“Safe from what? What are you so scared of dad?” I asked softly that I almost sounded like I was pleading. Pleading for him to open up to me. I needed to understand the reason for his obstinate protectiveness. I couldn't be hidden in the shadows forever.

He didn't speak for a while. He stared impassively at the radio but his grip on the newspaper was tight, crumpling the object. The walls he built around him seemed to wobble as though after holding out for too long, he wanted to give in once and for all. I approached him gently.

“If you're really worried, I know someone. He—”

“He?” His voice took a dangerous tone. Walls up.

“Julian? Have I never mentioned him to you?”

“How long have you been friends with this Julian?”

“I—,” I tried to pull the information from my brain but I was left blank. How come I couldn't remember the first time I met him?

He didn't give me much time to think as he spoke again, his words already engraved in stone, absolute.

“You're not to see this boy again, understood?”

“What? You've never even met him yet!”

He suddenly got up from his seat, keeping his back to me, as he slightly hobbled towards the window and peaked through the curtains. I didn't even know what he's expecting. It's not like we knew anyone out there. He had kept to himself for the past years and almost lived the life of a recluse. Maybe our neighbors were right. His isolation and with only me to talk to had made him off his rocker.

 “Why are you acting like this? He’s a decent guy. It’s not like he runs with the wrong crowd like a mafia gang or whatever.”

His head swiveled abruptly to my direction which made me jump a little on my spot. I didn't know what made me say the word but it had been hanging off the tip of my tongue. The look on his small eyes was like that of a madman.

“I don't want to hear those words from your mouth again, Lucy.”

“I'm telling you dad, he's not! It's like you’re not even hearing me.” My hands clutched my head like I might just pull my hair out if I kept talking to him.

He just watched me like I was the one losing my mind. “Why are you being so difficult? You're not usually like this. See what happens when you let a random boy influence you? Next thing you'll be telling me is that you’re in love with this boy.”

I looked away from his piercing gaze.

“Lu—”

My hands tightened into fists. He always found a way to ruin what little I have for happiness. Even one as silly as this.

“You know what, dad? You're right, I feel suffocated and I want to leave.”

“Lucy!”

I stormed out of the house. He kept calling out to me but the ringing in my ears drowned out the words. I never stopped walking and I let my feet take me anywhere but there or else I'll suffocate. All I wanted was a change in my life. He must have known that. I didn't know what I was thinking of bringing up Julian’s name to him but his reaction was not what I expected. I guess I really didn't know anything about him at all.

I was so blinded with anger that I didn't notice the streets were empty of people. It was a Saturday morning and despite being another boring old town, there were usually cyclers and old people strolling about. The chiming sound of the hanging bells resounded in the eerie silence as the door to Danny's Diner swung endlessly. I walked towards it and my eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. The tables and the stools were vacant but there were plates of half-eaten food laid out. Even Danny himself was nowhere to be seen.

The swinging door finally stilled, the annoying sound coming to a stop. The glass door showed a reflection of myself: wide-eyed with deep bags underneath, pale as snow complexion, and medium-length blonde hair in need of touching up. My black roots were already showing which reminded me to go by the grocery store downtown but first, I had to go see Julian. We would have been enjoying lunch together with my dad but I guessed we just have to eat out somewhere.

I paused, my hand stopping just by the ends of my hair. At the corner of my eye, I could see a black car right behind me by the curb. An unsettling feeling that I was being watched rested at the pit of my stomach. The idea was ridiculous. I have nothing to offer and yet warning bells alerted every nerve of my body and I began to walk away. Unmistakably, the rumble of the car engine started behind me.

My pulse quickened with fear and I speeded up. I was almost power-walking now. I just have to cross the street to the coffee shop where Julian would most likely be waiting for me.

The crisp warm air suddenly whooshed past me. Then, a muscular arm snaked around my waist and before I could scream, a large hand was already on my mouth.

“Found you.”