I suddenly lost appetite, as the scene of my first introduction to Luke, 7 years into the future floated behind my eyes, causing me to hear his mother's voice ring in my ears.
"We have maintained very close friendship with your family, Karla. In fact, your father is the only best friend that my late husband had and acknowledged. Other times, he had his nose buried in science books..."I shook my head and closed my eyes tightly, then opened them again."Are you fine?""It must have been so hard, Luke." I said again, trying hard to swallow the lump that was growing in my throat.He must have thought I was disgusting. He must have thought I was like my father. Or when he looked at me, he saw his late father's pain. I didn't do any of it, in fact, I didn't know, but...he wouldn't know that. I wouldn't even care if I was in his shoes."It gets better." He said, then pushed the bowl of cookies to me. "Do you not like it?""I do. Thanks." But I couldn't help that I had lost my appetite. My father...he had probably been the biggest reason Luke became the cold adult I found myself married to.He smiled and nodded, then reclined, probably losing himself in his thoughts."Maybe you should take a bath now, Luke." I said to him, just wanting to be alone.He smiled, and it only made me feel guilty. It made me feel more guilty that I had been so ignorant. And I had made no effort at all. He would have felt so wronged.I stood up and got my phone once Luke left for the bathroom. I stared at my phone for for while, waiting to hear the sound of the shower before calling my dad. He picked on the second ring."Hello?" I said, trying hard to not let my voice shake. I couldn't contain the turbulence I felt within me, the sadness I felt at just how much I contributed to the sadness and hate I saw every single time I looked into Luke's eyes."Karla. How are you doing?" He asked."Why did you do it?" I asked, as hot tears started to stream down my cheeks."Why did I do what?" He asked. "Is something wrong, Karla?"I closed my eyes tight. I had overlooked everything. I had overlooked even Luke. The more I got to see in the two days I came to the past, here, and met him all over again, it had become increasingly clear how blind I had been. And how much I had put him in the background. How much I had only cared about myself."He was your best friend." I said into the phone.What twisted aim would be behind them getting me married to Luke? My mother's wish?"Did mother know?" I said again, swallowing. "I am asking you!""I don't understand what you mean, Karla.""Why do you want to get me married to Luke? Tell me the truth, father. How twisted are you and Mrs. Catherina that you want to get me married to him?""Wait. Karla. How do you know Catherina?""Catherina? Should she not be Mrs. Catherina to you too, dad?""Karla. I am not sure I understand you. I am not sure I get you."I closed my eyes, sobbing into the phone. I just remembered our first night. The first night after we got married."How does it all feel? The teamwork is outstanding." Luke had said.I hadn't understood it then, but now..."Dad. Tell me the truth about you and Mrs. Catherina." I said, my face becoming steely."We are family friends, Karla. What is wrong with you?""Does mum know she is your side woman?""Karla!" I could hear shuffling sounds as he moved away from where ever he was. He was probably close to mum. How despicable."But mum knew, didn't she? That's why she wanted both of us to get married. You are obliging because you know you would lose too much if she asks for a divorce and you are found guilty of keeping a mistress!""Karla." He started to say, his teeth gritted. "Be very careful with what you say, Karla. Be very careful what kind of allegations you throw in my face."I burst into crazy, humorless laughter. I heard the door creak, but I didn't pay it any attention. "So, are you saying, dad, that you and Mrs. Catherina are not cheating? That you are not her side man and you have been doing it to your best friend for eight good years, father? How despicable can you get? How shameless can she get, putting up an act at the hospital when Mr. McGregor died after cheating on him and causing him heartache for eight good years of his life? How dare you do all of this to me and to her son, Dad? Did you not think of the son, my mum or me? What were you thinking?!" I yelled, hitting the table."Karla." I stopped, tears standing in my eyes. I swallowed as I slowly turned, dreading what I knew I was going to see.Luke was standing behind me, his eyes glassy. I let go of the phone and it crashed to the floor. Breaking into pieces and automatically disconnecting the call. God. I should have done this past thing right. I haven't come back seven years of my life, even though accidentally, only to see Luke looking at me this way. Looking at me like he was looking at some criminal."Luke." I took a step forward and he moved away, almost falling. He was wearing the sky blue and white hoodie, his jet black hair ruffled and a little wet. His eyes were wide and moist, his lips slightly parted. He looked absolutely beautiful in his sorrow. And it broke my heart that was the deposit I had made on him."Luke, its not...""Stay away." He said and turned around, as if looking for something. He got the hospital wear he had removed and walked away. More precisely ran away, leaving the door open.The cold breeze seeped through, and it cut through my skin. I found myself going down. My body racking with the sobs that escaped my lips. How could all of this have happened while I was blissfully ignorant, blissfully revelling in the lies that I had been innocent?The rest of the day passed by in a blur, the cookies Luke had made staring at me like a traitor. When I woke up the next morning, the hoodie I had got him was carefully ironed and put in a parcel that was left at my doorstep.I stood in front of the spot where Luke's grave had once been, this time instead of the knitted brows and expressionless coldness, I had a small smile playing on my lips, thinking of how far I have come. As a person. As a wife.I smiled again, raising my head to the small tapping sound of a walking stick."Seeing how you are looking at that blank space and smiling like that, I bet it had been well for you." The man I now know to be Mr. McGregor said, his smile knowing.I nodded. "I couldn't think of anywhere to find you, and I thought of here. Where we first met.""Miss the mad man?" He teased and I laughed."How is my son?" He asked once the laughter died down, a hint of seriousness in his tone.I turned to him, squinting against the bright sun rays. "He is perfect. Luke is perfect."He broke into a big satisfied smile, then nodded. "I know. He takes after me. Without the flaws.""I think you are not that bad too."He turned to me. "You seem to have learnt a little too much. But then
I felt tears well up in my eyes again, and I slowly reached for the phone. My hand was trembling badly, and I had to hold it down with my other hand. I picked it up, then brought the phone to my ear, tears already streaming down.It was still raining outside, and I kept my eyes on the drops that stayed on the glass window, as I spoke into the phone."Hello?" My voice shook, and I closed my eyes. "Who is this?"I knew who to expect. The man that would report Luke's accident to me, and the hospital he was rushed to. Then I would run out the house only to meet him dead."Karla?"My brows furrowed at the sound. Even over the static and the heavy rain, I could tell who it was, well enough."Karla, this is Karla, right?"My brows furrowed even more as I clutched the phone to my ear. "Luke?""Oh, thank Goodness gracious. I guess I was so out of it earlier when I was about to leave, and I forgot the documents meant for the meeting on the bed. Did you see it?"My eyes widened as I slowly turne
I watched Luke as he slowly went back to eating and a small smile spread my lips. Of course. It was because he had bought it for me.We ate in silence, and once we were done, without letting me even have the chance to protest, he packed the plates up, then headed straight for the kitchen.I followed behind him, and just like I used to do when he baked back then, I pushed myself on to the island and sat, my feet hanging downwards.He looked at me once and I smiled at him. He smiled back, a little sheepishly however, then returned to his chore. It will take some time for me to adjust to the fact that he wasn't in love with me now."You won't go to work today?" He suddenly asked, raising a brow to me.I shook my head immediately, I didn't even need to think about it. "I am going to take a lazy day and...spend it getting to know you better."He looked at me, like I was ssome alien."What?" I asked, laughing a little."I will need some time to get accustomed to you being like this with me.
Luke watched me like he wasn't sure what I was about, but he let me skim my hands over his face, feeling his skin open up under my palm."Was it a bad dream?" he asked slowly, before pulling away from me. He didn't go too far, and I lowered my head, my hair falling in front of me."No, I just...like, the past few months were wrong. On my part...the silence we subjected each other to and the loneliness...everything Luke. They were wrong. Of me. They were wrong. That we both were thrown into this without actually...knowing what to do with this situation. I don't hate you, I could never, I just...we both didn't deserve this."He bit down on his lips. "I know. But it's not us. The situation is...weird. We found ourselves in this marriage and...""I want to make this work." I said, looking up to him, my trembling hands coming to my face to slowly wipe it away. When I dropped my hands, I could still feel the moisture under my eyes.Without a word, Luke brought his thumbs under my eyes and
My heart beat picked up, my eyes feeling with hot tears. My lips parted slowly as the memory came flashing back, painfully.I rushed down the stairs once I heard that clatter, my eyes rolling a little as I passed by the large kitchen door without even turning back."Karla?"I rolled my eyes and turned, a deep exasperated breath escaping my lips. "Yes, Luke?""Well, I....""I have work to go to."He looked at me, his expression unreadable. Like he was trying hard to understand me, to tolerate me, but he was finding it too hard."Karla, I was hoping...I was hoping we could..""I know. You are still finding it hard to adjust to this. So am I, really. I don't understand why I have to wake up. To you. Everyday. That stare. Everyday."His lips parted, and his hands lowered, but I never looked down to see what he was holding."Karla, it's not...""I am tired of it too. I have things to do at the office. Later.""Karla.""I'm busy!"He flinched, but said nothing as I walked away through the
I sat up, my chest heaving hard. My eyes stung hard, my body feeling weak. My hands were wrapped in a cross around me as I held I and Luke's wedding picture to my chest.My eyes fell on a dark brown book sitting next to the bedside lamp. I propped myself on all fours and took the book, then slowly let down the picture.It was Luke's diary. The same one he had used seven years ago. The same one I had read in the past. I swallowed hard, feeling my eyes moisten up again.I opened the first page. Most of it was the same. The problems with his mother. His father's death...the only difference was that, there were absolutely no traces of me. Nothing at all.My eyes welled up more as I flipped the pages hard, till I got to a certain page. July 17th, 2022. The day we had gotten married.I swallowed as my fingers moved to let me read Luke's words on the marriage."I got married. I can hardly believe it, but I did get married. I never did believe in finding someone I would love, but marrying