I suddenly lost appetite, as the scene of my first introduction to Luke, 7 years into the future floated behind my eyes, causing me to hear his mother's voice ring in my ears.
"We have maintained very close friendship with your family, Karla. In fact, your father is the only best friend that my late husband had and acknowledged. Other times, he had his nose buried in science books..."I shook my head and closed my eyes tightly, then opened them again."Are you fine?""It must have been so hard, Luke." I said again, trying hard to swallow the lump that was growing in my throat.He must have thought I was disgusting. He must have thought I was like my father. Or when he looked at me, he saw his late father's pain. I didn't do any of it, in fact, I didn't know, but...he wouldn't know that. I wouldn't even care if I was in his shoes."It gets better." He said, then pushed the bowl of cookies to me. "Do you not like it?""I do. Thanks." But I couldn't help that I had lost my appetite. My father...he had probably been the biggest reason Luke became the cold adult I found myself married to.He smiled and nodded, then reclined, probably losing himself in his thoughts."Maybe you should take a bath now, Luke." I said to him, just wanting to be alone.He smiled, and it only made me feel guilty. It made me feel more guilty that I had been so ignorant. And I had made no effort at all. He would have felt so wronged.I stood up and got my phone once Luke left for the bathroom. I stared at my phone for for while, waiting to hear the sound of the shower before calling my dad. He picked on the second ring."Hello?" I said, trying hard to not let my voice shake. I couldn't contain the turbulence I felt within me, the sadness I felt at just how much I contributed to the sadness and hate I saw every single time I looked into Luke's eyes."Karla. How are you doing?" He asked."Why did you do it?" I asked, as hot tears started to stream down my cheeks."Why did I do what?" He asked. "Is something wrong, Karla?"I closed my eyes tight. I had overlooked everything. I had overlooked even Luke. The more I got to see in the two days I came to the past, here, and met him all over again, it had become increasingly clear how blind I had been. And how much I had put him in the background. How much I had only cared about myself."He was your best friend." I said into the phone.What twisted aim would be behind them getting me married to Luke? My mother's wish?"Did mother know?" I said again, swallowing. "I am asking you!""I don't understand what you mean, Karla.""Why do you want to get me married to Luke? Tell me the truth, father. How twisted are you and Mrs. Catherina that you want to get me married to him?""Wait. Karla. How do you know Catherina?""Catherina? Should she not be Mrs. Catherina to you too, dad?""Karla. I am not sure I understand you. I am not sure I get you."I closed my eyes, sobbing into the phone. I just remembered our first night. The first night after we got married."How does it all feel? The teamwork is outstanding." Luke had said.I hadn't understood it then, but now..."Dad. Tell me the truth about you and Mrs. Catherina." I said, my face becoming steely."We are family friends, Karla. What is wrong with you?""Does mum know she is your side woman?""Karla!" I could hear shuffling sounds as he moved away from where ever he was. He was probably close to mum. How despicable."But mum knew, didn't she? That's why she wanted both of us to get married. You are obliging because you know you would lose too much if she asks for a divorce and you are found guilty of keeping a mistress!""Karla." He started to say, his teeth gritted. "Be very careful with what you say, Karla. Be very careful what kind of allegations you throw in my face."I burst into crazy, humorless laughter. I heard the door creak, but I didn't pay it any attention. "So, are you saying, dad, that you and Mrs. Catherina are not cheating? That you are not her side man and you have been doing it to your best friend for eight good years, father? How despicable can you get? How shameless can she get, putting up an act at the hospital when Mr. McGregor died after cheating on him and causing him heartache for eight good years of his life? How dare you do all of this to me and to her son, Dad? Did you not think of the son, my mum or me? What were you thinking?!" I yelled, hitting the table."Karla." I stopped, tears standing in my eyes. I swallowed as I slowly turned, dreading what I knew I was going to see.Luke was standing behind me, his eyes glassy. I let go of the phone and it crashed to the floor. Breaking into pieces and automatically disconnecting the call. God. I should have done this past thing right. I haven't come back seven years of my life, even though accidentally, only to see Luke looking at me this way. Looking at me like he was looking at some criminal."Luke." I took a step forward and he moved away, almost falling. He was wearing the sky blue and white hoodie, his jet black hair ruffled and a little wet. His eyes were wide and moist, his lips slightly parted. He looked absolutely beautiful in his sorrow. And it broke my heart that was the deposit I had made on him."Luke, its not...""Stay away." He said and turned around, as if looking for something. He got the hospital wear he had removed and walked away. More precisely ran away, leaving the door open.The cold breeze seeped through, and it cut through my skin. I found myself going down. My body racking with the sobs that escaped my lips. How could all of this have happened while I was blissfully ignorant, blissfully revelling in the lies that I had been innocent?The rest of the day passed by in a blur, the cookies Luke had made staring at me like a traitor. When I woke up the next morning, the hoodie I had got him was carefully ironed and put in a parcel that was left at my doorstep.I stopped for a while, just looking at the parcel. It felt like I was looking at Luke's disappointed eyes all over again. He had looked so disgusted. He must have thought I planned it all. Meeting him, helping him. He must have have seen me as an even worse person.I picked the parcel, but then thought of looking around to see if he would be around. He wasn't.I went back home and dropped the parcel right next to the cookies from yesterday. Maybe this travel back in time isn't working out well. Maybe I should have stayed ignorant. That way, with time, he will learn to let it go.Now...he never will be able to.I picked up my phone, but there was no one to call. My dad was the last person I wanted to hear from, and I am not sure I wanted to hear from my mum too. I didn't want to talk to Bernice or anyone. The only person I wanted to talk to was Luke. But I didn't even have his number. I sighed. Even if I did, I am sure he wouldn't pick up.I lay my head on the table, supporting it with
I felt light, like some burden was lifted off my shoulder. This was why Luke's father had brought me back here. Because I had to understand Luke. I had to see him from a perspective that wasn't biased, and now that I did, I made me feel like I had wronged him all through till the time he died. He didn't deserve his wife not shedding a single tear for him.Wait. I looked down at my shadow as I stood just outside, my heart beat picking up pace. The shadows were still two, complete with the silhouette of my hair and my sling back. I gulped.Did I have to go back? Does that mean I could only visit here and not actually stay?I watched the shadows again. They looked closer than the first time I had seen it. Was it some sort of time ticking? Was it the amount of time I had to go back that was passing by?I braced myself and walked in, but instead of attending classes and getting settled, I found myself walking straight to the library. I need more insight on the time travel machine Mr. McG
I woke up much later, my limbs sore from the awkward position I had fallen asleep in. All I did was to make cereal, churn it down my throat and go back to sleep.Reality was honestly just not my forte right now, and it was already sundown. I didn't intend to make too much difference here. It isn't my place, and for all I know, the me that lived during this time would be lurking around somewhere, waiting to return to her place.A gentle knock on my door woke me up, but it was the bright rays of the sun that finished the job. I sat up and looked around. It was all in a mess, but I was expecting only Bernice, so I didn't even bother.The slight knock came again, and I stood, moving my hair away from my face, and slapping off the few strands that had clung unto my lips. I could remember very well that was why I cut my hair short, because I ended up eating it in my sleep.I opened the door, my face a bloated mess that my squinted eyes had somehow found a place in. They widened however, w
I cleared my throat as Luke tilted his head a little, his lips slightly parted."It is fine if you don't want to...it's just a childish whim anyway." He smiled at me and turned away, then left the kitchen.But that was not what not what was on my mind. My husband...no, he is not my husband right now, but...I took in a deep sigh as I turned to the entrance. He was sitting on the couch, his head lowered, probably looking at something."Uhm...where do you want to go?"This is a bad idea, Karla. The guy's dead. You have to go back. This is not your time.He turned to me, his eyes serious. "I feel like you have already done so much for me and this could be a bit...""Just cut the crap and tell me where we are going." Oh yeah. I almost forgot the 18 years old me was so sharp mouthed.He seemed fascinated by my response, then laughed. "Why don't you get ready and...we leave?""Right now?" My eyes widened."Uhmm..we will be there by evening..and..""But today is your birthday, right?""Yes,
"Cash or card?" The attendant suddenly said, and Luke turned away from me. He pulled out a card and gave it, then smiled at me.I stood there, trying to blink myself back to reality. Reality though, was far off. Nothing here was reality. Not even Luke.I nodded at him as he gestured at me to come with him. We went out of the shop and into the car, where he handed me what I had bought with a couple others that I don't remember picking."I am okay with these," I said and he rolled his eyes. Probably the first childish gesture I had seen from him. It was weird how matured he was for a guy who just turned nineteen."You need to eat a lot, because we still have some time to go. You also didn't have breakfast, and I intend to cook dinner only after we arrive.""Seems a like a long time." I murmured quietly, and accepted it.He started driving again. This time, it was more quiet in the car."Music?" I suddenly asked."Just choose whichever you would like."I nodded, then connected my phone.
I was about to go help Luke out with preparing when suddenly, the ringtone of my phone rang through the car."I think it's yours." Luke said, the delicate allure of the moment interrupted. I nodded, still a little dazed and went to it.It was Bernice and I immediately picked it up. I was expecting her to tell me about how I had been missing classes and all, but the first thing I heard as I brought the phone to my ears was the sound of her crying."Ber..Bernice. Why are you crying?" I asked, concern lacing my voice. Luke stopped what he was doing and turned to me, even though I could see he was trying to not come too close so he wouldn't intrude."Very cheap of you to ask me that, don't you think, Karla?""What are you talking about?" I asked, feeling nervous for some reason."How could you do this to me? I am your friend! We have been together since high school, we have done everything together and what? Nathan?" Her words were jumbled, and I was finding it hard to understand."I do
I sniffed, blinking back the tears. My memories of this time flashed before my eyes.Everything had been perfect. From that ceremony at my house to the party they organized for me. Shopping, getting ready for college, we had done all of that with Bernice and Kate. The problem had started when Bernice had asked me to come to Natalie's birthday party. She was more of a distant friend, and I hadn't really felt like going. I could remember now, that I had a headache, and decided to stay home. But much later, I decided to suck it up and go, since Natalie had attended my own birthday party last October.FBThe party was the normal teen party, with a few couples dotted here and there and lots of red cups. I felt a little sick to my stomach with the crowd, and I decided to go and wish Natalie, then probably make it upstairs and get some sleep, hoping Bernice would find me."Happy Birthday, Natalie." I said, walking towards where she was standing. She broke into a smile and hugged me."Tha
The depiction of time as an interloping of threads was just too accurate. An interloping of regrets and missed chances. Short bursts of happiness and overwhelming sadness and most importantly, the things we wish to have a second chance with.I raised my head to look at Luke who was quietly sitting in the car with me. After helping me get rid of the initial sadness, he had helped me into the car, then drove away from Kate's house.There, he sat in silence and let me just cry as the second wave of sadness hit me. The thing with Bernice didn't hurt half as much as the realization. The realization that there was so much I could have overlooked and forgotten like this one, manipulated my memory into thinking it just happened with no fault of mine, and moved on with my life.I was once a bubbly person with pink all around her, but then I grew...not necessarily into the world, but further into a shell. The person that had been with Luke hadn't been my true self either."Can you tell me some