Chapter 5

A deafening silence enveloped the two figures hidden in the cocoon weaved from the darkness.

Amon's figure didn't move, nor did he say anything after calling Aria's name for the first time. Although he had imagined myriad scenarios of when he first calls her name, never had he imagined it would be in a situation like this.

Though he hoped desperately for a sign or response from Aria, he didn't rush her or force her to. He didn't have the rights to, with how he had been ignorant of her constant calls for him for the past four years.

Remorse washed over Amon, silently scolding himself for his insensitivity, thoughtlessness, and oversight.

He knew that Aria has an innate fear of being abandoned and alone, and though he would never even thought to do something like that, that was precisely what he'd done. Perhaps, from his perspective, it was merely a few short years. Compared to the duration of his lifespan, it wasn't even worth mentioning. Yet he had forgotten the most crucial aspect, Aria is now human. To a human, even a minute can feel excruciatingly long, not to mention years.

Amon was touched that Aria didn't forget or give up on him, despite having left without a word for four years. Yet, he felt equally distressed at the pain he had put her through because of that exact reason. All her pain, suffering, and tears could've been avoided if he recognised she needed reassurance before leaving.

And he didn't.

However, no matter how much Amon regretted his rash decision, he knows all too well that there's no medicine for regret. But that doesn't mean he can't do anything about it. In fact, Amon has a responsibility to clean up the mess he'd left behind. Regardless of whether he could or not, Amon had to correct the wrongs he'd done and resolve the misunderstandings between them.

Though Amon was really aversed in Aria's idea of listening to his current voice, he felt apologetic that she still had to because of his mistake. If he chose to cut back on his words simply because he didn't want Arias' ears to hurt from the sound of his voice, the consequences of not being thorough with his apology and explanation would be disastrous. Hence he could only do her one more wrong.

"Aria."

Amon called out once more as gently as he could.

Aria flinched upon hearing her name for the second time; she didn't recognise the voice that called her. But the presence in front of her was all too familiar. It was the very thing she had been searching for painstakingly for four years. She could never forget, nor did she want to.

Aria's crumpled figure finally moved very slowly and carefully and still freezing up from time to time, as if afraid that any sudden movements would scare the other away. Eventually, she got up from lying on the cold hard ground to sitting with her knees pressed tightly against her chest. Throughout it all, Arias' head never once looked up, and her eyes were shut tight.

All of a sudden, her hands shot up to her face, covering it. The sight of Aria unwilling to see Amon and her act of hiding from him rendered Amon helpless and flustered. Now that Aria kept a tight guard over her face, Amon could no longer see or read her expression.

He looked on distressed and yearned so much to wipe away her tears, putting a cold towel over her puffy eyes and engulf her small figure in his arms as he lulled her to sleep. However, he couldn't do that, at least not yet. Moreover, he still has his long overdue apology and explanation to Aria for his past actions.

"I'm sorry. It's not, your fault. It's mine.

For not, saying anything, then leaving you, alone. Your self-blame, your tears, and your hatred. My thoughtlessness, insensitivity, and selfishness. The torment, and anguish I'd, put you through. The loneliness, pain, and sadness, you suffered."

Amon took a moment to observe Aria.

"I'm sorry."

He could only hope that his apology would make her feel even just a little better.

Aria lifted her head up sluggishly as if all her energy had been drained from her body. Fingers parting just enough to peek out of, she belatedly realised she couldn't see anything. Doubting her vision, Aria rubbed her eyes hard and squinted in the darkness. Having confirmed that she genuinely could only see black, she simply faced the direction she felt Amon was at.

Her vacant eyes were covered behind a misty haze, blocking others from seeing what was hidden.

"Then why'd you leave...?"

Arias' swollen eyes stabbed at Amon's heart, and her hoarse voice left bloody scratches behind.

Despite Arias' unfocused gaze, Amon crouched down to match Aria's level. He wanted to show his sincerity even if there were no witnesses.

"I love you."

Aria flinched, and her eyes widened as a tear rolled down the path that was left on her cheek.

Amon felt helpless seeing Aria cry again. Even after four years apart, she still had loose tear ducts in front of him. Though Amon very much liked the thought of Aria crying easily for him alone, it hurts her eyes every time Aria cries, so he'd rather see her smile. And the reason she was crying this time wasn't a reason he could feel happy about.

Amon tried to explain as concisely and elaborately as possible to pacify Aria and convince her of his proclamation of love.

"In the past, you weren't human. We were, the same. Beings that don't, belong here. We had, no name. Not as an, individual, nor as, a group. But all of us were born, as halves to, another. And when we've, found our other, half, we give the, other a name. A name exclusively, for the other, to call. In that plane, we were born, to exist, for the other, and spend our life together.

You were originally, from that plane. And you were, my other half, as I was, yours. Amon was the, name you had, given me. And you were, once called Aelia. We were together, for a long, long time. But then you, met an accident. I couldn't save, you and we, were separated.

I chased after, you disappeared and, ended up here. It took me, years of searching, before I finally, found you. But you became, human, and is now, forever stuck here, in this plane. Unable to ever, return. You had also, forgotten everything. Your roots, our past, and me.

Fortunately, maybe because you, were once one, of us you, could feel me. I had planned, to stay by, your side for, the rest of, your life, and the many, lifetimes after. Even if, you never see, me in the, same way again, or found another, to replace my, reason to exist. But when you, finally looked at, me in that, same manner you, once used to, I lost control.

Because I, don't belong here, I can't talk, and can't touch, you. Yet I did, on that day, four years and, eight months ago. I broke the, rule and that, was enough to, damage my core. I was nearly, forced back to, our original plane. But I didn't, want to be, separated again. Especially after you, overlooked the, common sense of, humans just for, me.

 I couldn't accept, our circumstance. And I grew, jealous. When the others, could do what, I wanted to, so effortlessly. If I remained, as I was, now that I'm, going to resume, my rightful position, unlike then, I can't protect, or properly love, you now. And I, hated it.

So I left. To attain, a human body, an identity, build a foundation, to exist for, eternity. Then I can, come back and, accompany you for, the rest of, your life, and the many, to come.

However, at that moment, of impulsiveness, I forgot that, to a human, the concept of time, differs. What is considered, as a blink, of an eye, to me, is an incomparably, long time for, you now. Because of this, mistake of mine, caused by my, thoughtlessness and, my oversight, you had suffered, so much."

Amon gazed into Aria's eyes, penetrating the mist and defences she had put up against him. Amon wanted her to understand and accept the truth of his next point, and for that, he was determined to show his resolve to take back the weight of his mistakes.

"Aria, it was never, your fault. You did nothing, wrong. It was all mine, and for that, I'm sorry. You bore the, brunt of my, carelessness. You do not, have to forgive, me. But I hope, that you can, stop blaming yourself, for my mistakes. You can even, hate me if, you must. I can and, am willing to, accept that."

It would undoubtedly hurt to be hated by Aria, but it hurts Amon even more to know that she had been blaming herself all this time. No matter the consequences, he was willing to accept anything Aria wished upon him as long as it would save her from the misery that he had personally locked her into.

Amon also hoped that with the explanation of her roots, she could better understand the dissonance she felt inside and not be as troubled by it anymore.

A crease formed slowly between Arias' brows, her bottom lip jutted out in protest, and her hands gripping her knees clenched tightly.

Her deeply rooted beliefs and doubts were cleanly uprooted with the new information dumped on her.

Though Aria was a little confused by the sudden influx of information, she was also grateful to Amon for explaining everything so clearly to her and his honesty. But as he said, he still had hurt her regardless, even if it wasn't intentional. However, it was foul play on Amon's part to tell her she could hate him if she wanted to. She could never hate him, and now that she'd learnt that she was the one who had forgotten him, she didn't want to.

Aria couldn't imagine the pain that Amon felt, watching on as she found countless replacements for the position that should've belonged to him. Even if Aria didn't have her memories, it didn't make her feel any less guilty. In fact, it was hard for her to accept that Amon still loved her despite everything she'd done. Aria doesn't know about what she was like before she was human; however, the past her from four years ago is vastly different from the present her. What little attractive points she probably had was now gone, with nothing new to replace it.

The insecurity bred from her low self-esteem caused her to waver in accepting Amon's love for her. Even after Amon's fierce display of the lengths he would go to, just to be by her side again. Aria was unreconciled; she still couldn't let go of the feeling that all of this is being wasted on her.

And so, after much twists and turns in her heart, Aria couldn't accept Amon's feelings. As much as she was touched, even moved by it, she believed that someone else would serve Amon better as his other half. Though ironically, these thoughts that swirled in Arias' head and heart were entangled in a fierce tango with the part of her that felt only she had the rights to his unwavering love and to just accept it. After all, she was the one born as Amon's other half. No one could simply replace her since she had first-hand experience on how that failed miserably. If anyone else other than the fated half, they would always feel that something was missing.

The tug of war made Aria dizzy, and without realising, she had voiced out the rejection and uneasiness that clutched on to her like a demon. And by the time she noticed, she couldn't stop herself from spilling the toxic buried deep inside.

"Why, Why do you still love me?"