Chapter 10: The Bottom Drawer

“Stop the car,” I said.

“Mina, we are on the highway,” Kade said.

“Please, Kade, I saw it. I saw blood on his handkerchief, and I cannot just drive home and go to sleep,” I said.

Kade looked at me for one second, and then he said to the driver, “Turn around, take the next exit.”

“He will not let me in, he never lets anyone in,” I said, gripping the seat.

“Then we will knock until he does,” Kade said.

“You do not have to come with me,” I said.

“Red, I am not driving away from a woman who is shaking like that, I will wait in the car, or in the hallway, or in the garden, I do not care, but I am not leaving,” Kade said.

“If he comes out with a shotgun, I am going to tell him I am the pizza,” he added.

“We did not order pizza,” I said.

“He does not know that,” Kade said, and I laughed, and it hurt.

“Kade, I need to tell you something I have never told anyone,” I said, a minute later.

“I am listening,” Kade said.

“When I was eight, I fell off my bike and broke my arm, and I walked three blocks home holding it, because I did not want to bother him, and he was in the study and said, did you finish your homework, and I said yes, and I sat on the stairs for two hours until Brenda saw my arm,” I said.

Kade turned his face to the window, and I saw his jaw working.

“Eight years old,” he said.

“He did not know, Kade, he was not cruel, he was just somewhere else, and I have spent my whole life trying to be the daughter who is easy so he does not have to look up,” I said.

“You were a child, a child is supposed to be a bother, that is what they are for,” Kade said hoarsely.

The house was dark except for one yellow window in the study, and I stood in front of the big front door and rang the bell three times.

The door opened a few inches, and our housekeeper, Brenda, peeked out in her robe, with her gray hair flat on one side.

“Miss Mina, it is eleven o’clock at night,” Brenda whispered.

“Brenda, is he all right, I saw something on his handkerchief, please tell me the truth,” I said.

Brenda glanced over her shoulder, and her face crumpled, and she stepped outside and pulled the door shut behind her.

“I promised him I would not say, he made me swear on my mother’s grave,” Brenda said.

“Brenda, please,” I said.

“He has not been sleeping, he walks the halls at three in the morning, he leaves in the car every Tuesday and will not let the driver come, and last week I found a paper bag from a pharmacy in the kitchen trash, with a name on it that was not his,” Brenda said.

“Whose name?” I asked.

“I cannot say, child, I have said too much, he is a proud man, he would rather die than let you see him weak,” Brenda said, and she put her hand over her mouth.

“Brenda,” I said, and I took her hand, “I am his only child, how can he not tell me?”

“Because he does not know how, he never learned, his father was the same, nobody in that house ever learned how to say I am afraid,” Brenda said, and the tears ran down her face.

“Child, he keeps every drawing you made for him in the bottom drawer of his desk, the crayon horse, the card with the sparkles, I see them when I clean, and he locks the drawer so nobody else can look,” Brenda said.

“He kept them?” I asked, and my voice cracked in half.

“All of them, he just does not know how to hand them back,” Brenda said.

A voice came through the intercom beside the door, flat and tired. “Brenda, who are you talking to?”

Brenda jumped, and I pressed the button before she could. “Father, it is me, open the door.”

“Go home, Mina,” Gordon said.

“Father, I saw the handkerchief, I am not leaving until you talk to me,” I said.

“You saw nothing, you are tired, and you are upset, and you are making things up because you cannot stand that I am angry with you,” Gordon said.

“I am not making it up, I saw it with my own eyes,” I said.

“Mina, I will say this once, go home, marry that boy, and leave me alone,” Gordon said, and the intercom clicked off.

I stood there with my forehead against the cold door, and I whispered, “I am your daughter, not your employee, why can you not tell the difference?”

Brenda squeezed my hand, and in the dark behind her the yellow study light went out.

Kade was waiting at the bottom of the steps, and he opened his arms without a word, and I walked into them.

“He will not tell me, he would rather hide it, whatever it is, he would rather hide it than ask me for help,” I said into his coat.

“Some people only know how to love by being strong, it is stupid and it is lonely, and they pass it down like a bad watch,” Kade said.

“Is that what you do?” I asked.

“Every day, I have a mother who has never once said I am proud of you, only that I am not finished yet,” Kade said.

I pulled back and looked at him, and the porch light caught the shine in his eyes.

“I want to be someone who says it out loud,” I said.

“Then say it,” Kade said.

“I am scared, Kade, I am so scared,” I said.

“Me too, so now we are two scared people and a grape,” Kade said, and I laughed against his coat.

“Maybe that is why we both ended up in that club,” I said.

“Maybe, it was the best thing I ever did, and I did not even know it,” Kade said.

“You cannot say things like that, it is rule three,” I said, laughing wetly.

“I know, I keep breaking it, you can tell the lawyers I am a poor student,” Kade said.

In the back seat I leaned my head against his shoulder, and he did not move away.

“I am going to say yes, to the contract, to all of it,” I said.

“Are you sure, you do not have to decide tonight,” Kade said.

“I am sure, my father wants a marriage, Dean wants a story, and I want one person on my side who does not ask me to shrink, and I think that person is a very rude billionaire,” I said.

“Very rude, and very honest, and I promise you one thing, Mina, I will never ask you to shrink,” Kade said.

“What will we tell the baby someday, about how we met?” I asked.

“That your mother was brave, and your father was late,” Kade said.

“Late?” I asked.

“Three weeks late, and a fool, but he came,” Kade said, and his thumb moved over my knuckles.

“Then it is a deal,” I said, and I held out my hand.

He took it, and he did not shake it, he only held it, warm and steady, all the way down the highway.

His phone lit up on the seat between us, and the screen said Mother.

“Do not tell me she already knows,” Kade muttered, and he put it on speaker.

“Kade, darling, I have just read the most wonderful news, in the newspaper of all places, and not from my own son,” Odile said, in a voice like warm honey with a knife inside.

“Mother, it is almost midnight,” Kade said.

“A mother does not sleep when her son is about to become a father, is that her sitting beside you, the Hale girl?” Odile asked.

“Good evening, madam, I am Mina,” I said, and my mouth had gone dry.

“Mina, what a plain little name, how sweet, I am looking forward to this dinner more than you know,” Odile said.

“What dinner?” Kade asked.

“Tomorrow at seven, at the house, wear something nice, darling, and tell the girl not to be late, I have waited a very long time for a Hale to walk through my front door,” Odile said.

“What do you mean by that?” Kade asked slowly.

The line had gone dead, and Kade stared at the black screen.

“I do not know why I am shaking, it is only a dinner,” I said.

“It is never only a dinner with my mother,” Kade said.

“Kade, what did she mean, a Hale?” I asked.

“I do not know, my mother has hated plenty of people, but I have never once heard her say your family’s name,” Kade said, and the hand holding mine had gone ice cold.