Mag-log inMy eyes snap open and I feel a dull ache in my head. I scan around and see cannulas connected to my wrist, but Iâm a thousand percent sure the bed Iâm lying on isnât as rocky as a hospital bed, and neither is the room.
The room looks and smells kind of familiar, but I canât figure out whose room Iâm in or how I got here in the first place. Thankfully, the door swings open and Elias trudges in, dressed in his medical coat. âYouâre awake!â He drops the pile of files heâs holding on the cabinet and rushes toward me on the bed. âHow are you feeling now?â he asks as I pull myself up to sit, and he quickly guides me up. âI have a slight headache. What happened to me?â I mutter, my memory in jumbles. Last I remember, we were all in court and I had divorced Damien. What happened after that? âYou passed out yesterday at the court, so I brought you here.â I passed out? âWhat happened? I mean, whatâs wrong with me?â I rasp, getting worried. Elias smiles and gently rests his hand on my thigh. âShhh. Donât panic. Itâs nothing serious. You just collapsed from excessive stress because your system couldnât adjust to your current condition.â âCondition? What condition?â âI donât know how youâll take this, butâŠâ He trails off and stands up. My eyes follow him closely as he walks to the cabinet. He pulls out a sealed envelope and comes back, passing it to me. Wondering what it is, I begin to check it out, but then he drops the bomb. âYou are pregnant.â He finally divulges, and I flinch, almost jumping out of my skin. My eyes catch the word âpositiveâ on the pregnancy result before it drops from my hand. âWhat? Pregnant?!â How? On any normal day, pregnancy is supposed to be the most wonderful news a woman can hear, but right now it feels like the worst thing Iâve ever heard. âYeah. And you really need enough rest, considering your current medical condition. While running some checks on you, I discovered you have hypotension. You have toâŠâ Whatever Elias is saying isnât making any sense to me. I stop listening at some point, and the only thing swirling in my head is the pregnancy. âI will remove the baby.â I eventually blurt out of the blue, cutting off whatever Elias is saying. His brows pull up in shock, and he goes dazed as if I just said something abominable. âBut why? I mean, you canât just remove an innocent baby. Okay⊠look⊠Hear me out. I know you just had a falling out with your hus⊠your ex-husband, but that doesnât mean you should take the life of an innocent baby.â I scoff. Honestly, I wasnât even thinking about Damien. But the baby itself⊠If it will end in a miscarriage like the rest, why should I bother keeping it and getting attached! I really donât want any more heartaches. âItâs not about Damien, Elias. Iâd rather not wait for it to end in a miscarriage before I take it out myself. I donât want to put my hopes on something that isnât there. And maybe youâre right. I want to forget about Damien too, so I donât want to have anything that will connect me to him.â âBut what if the child ends up staying?â âThatâs impossible. It wonât.â âYou canât be so sure.â I shake my head and scoff. âLetâs not argue about this. I am removing the baby and thatâs final.â âLook, if itâs about the baby, trust me, youâll be fine. Iâm pretty sure the series of miscarriages was due to your poor health. Like I said earlier, you have hypotension. You have a very weak system, which means you needed a lot of rest during at least the first trimester of pregnancy. But you were always draining yourself with the hospital stress and all that.â I knew I had minor hypotension, but I never really paid it any mind. I had no room to slack off on my duties. It has always been about pleasing my ungrateful parents. So even when I noticed it, I was always in the hospital working. âCan we try that at least?â Eliasâs voice pulls me out of my thoughts and I give him a confused look. âYouâll stay away from hard jobs, even mundane tasks, for the first three months of the pregnancy.â âWhatâŠ? We?â âYes. Iâll support you the best way I can, if I have to, until you get back on your feet. I wouldnât advise my patient to take the life of an innocent baby.â He counters, and I find myself chuckling. âCâmon, Elias, Iâm not your responsibility. Youâve done more than enough already and I appreciate it. Besides, I intend to leave this city once I get back on my feet. I want to start a new life.â âThen thatâs not a problem. I got called by that hospital in Texas Iâd been applying to. I resigned from this hospital today and Iâll be moving down next week. We could move together⊠thatâs if you donât mind.â I stare at Elias, unable to form any words. He has already done enough for me, and I still canât believe he has my best interest at heart. Well, maybe it wouldnât hurt to keep this baby after all, as long as I never see Damien again.We donât go out the front.Naomi doesnât even need to say it. One look at her face and Elias is already on his feet, one hand under my elbow, steering me through the kitchen of the tea house past a startled cook and a stack of clean saucers. The back door opens onto an alley that smells of wet cardboard and fried onions.âWait,â I whisper.I canât help it. Through the thin wall, I hear a voice carry from the front room.It is smooth. Patient. Reasonable.âIâm only here as a worried father, Ms. Park. My daughter is in a fragile state. Iâd simply like to know that sheâs safe.âMy father.Twenty-eight years of that voice. It could talk a board into silence and a nurse into tears, and it never rose above a murmur. I used to think calm was the same thing as strength. Standing in a greasy alley with my hand pressed against my stomach, I finally understand the difference. Strength doesnât need to freeze a daughterâs bank accounts at midnight and call it concern.âSerena.â Eliasâs hand tighte
I donât sleep.I lie on Eliasâs bed with my eyes open, one hand on my stomach, listening to the city breathe outside the window. Every time I close my eyes I see the amber bottle. Every time I drift, I hear my motherâs voice, thin and pleading. Please, darling. Iâm asking you.At six, I give up and get dressed.At nine, Elias drives me across town to a tea house with a sagging green awning, tucked behind the courthouse where I signed my marriage away. Naomi Park chose it herself. âNobody who matters to your father would ever walk in here,â she told me on the phone.She is waiting in the back room, at a small table with a pot of tea she hasnât touched. She is about forty, in a dark suit, her hair pinned back so severely it looks painful. Her eyes go to Elias first, sharp and measuring.âI asked you to come alone, Dr. Vance.ââHe stays,â I say.A pause. Then she nods once. âThen he stays.âWe sit. She slides a thick cream envelope across the table, sealed with brittle red wax. My grandm
The bottle slips from my fingers and hits the carpet.It doesnât break. It just rolls to a stop against the leg of the chair, small and brown and harmless, like it hasnât been sitting in my bag for months, waiting.âSerena.â Elias is in front of me before I even see him move. His hands close around my shoulders. âLook at me. Breathe.ââI drank it.â My voice comes out thin and strange, like it belongs to someone standing far away. âEvery morning. For three years.ââWe donât know what it is yet.ââHe knew.â I look up at him, and the room blurs. âDamien wrote it down on a page from a prescription pad. He knew, Elias. Why would he write that unless it wasâŠâI canât finish the sentence.Because if I finish it, it becomes real. And if it becomes real, then every miscarriage, every night I sat on the bathroom floor with my hands pressed over my mouth so no one would hear me, every time I whispered what is wrong with me, it all becomes something else.Something that was done to me.âHey.â Eli
Three knocks.Slow. Careful. The kind a man gives when he already knows he isnât welcome.I freeze in the middle of the kitchen with the bowl still in my hands. Water runs over my fingers and I forget to turn off the tap.âSerena.âHis voice comes through the wood, low and rough, like he has been shouting for hours and lost it halfway.I set the bowl in the sink without a sound. Then I do something Iâm not proud of. I tiptoe to the door like a child hiding from a monster and press my back against the wall beside the frame, where the peephole canât see me.Elias told me not to open it for anyone.I wasnât planning to.âI know youâre in there,â Damien says. âThe light is on under the door. And Eliasâs car isnât downstairs.âOf course he checked. Of course he did.âI got the address from someone at the hospital. I shouldnât have. Iâm sorry for that too.â A pause. âIâm not going to force my way in. I wouldnât. I just need you to know that.âI say nothing. My hand slides to my stomach on i
The pregnancy test is still on the floor where it fell. I stare at it for so long that Elias finally bends down, picks it up, and places it on the cabinet like it might bite him.âSay something,â he says.âI already did. I said Iâm removing it.ââYou did. And I said we should try first.â He pulls a chair beside the bed and sits, elbows on his knees. âSerena, Iâm not asking you to be happy about this. Iâm asking you to look before you decide.ââLook at what?ââYour baby.âI flinch at the word. My baby. Not Damienâs baby, not the heir, not the thing that will end in blood and tears like the rest. Mine.âEliasâŠââTen minutes. If you still want to end it after that, I will personally book the appointment and drive you there. No lectures. I swear.âI want to say no. Every part of me that has been broken over three years of miscarriages wants to say no, roll over, and pretend this room does not exist.But I am a doctor. And doctors look at the scan before they decide.âTen minutes,â I say,
My eyes snap open and I feel a dull ache in my head. I scan around and see cannulas connected to my wrist, but Iâm a thousand percent sure the bed Iâm lying on isnât as rocky as a hospital bed, and neither is the room.The room looks and smells kind of familiar, but I canât figure out whose room Iâm in or how I got here in the first place. Thankfully, the door swings open and Elias trudges in, dressed in his medical coat.âYouâre awake!â He drops the pile of files heâs holding on the cabinet and rushes toward me on the bed.âHow are you feeling now?â he asks as I pull myself up to sit, and he quickly guides me up.âI have a slight headache. What happened to me?â I mutter, my memory in jumbles.Last I remember, we were all in court and I had divorced Damien. What happened after that?âYou passed out yesterday at the court, so I brought you here.âI passed out? âWhat happened? I mean, whatâs wrong with me?â I rasp, getting worried.Elias smiles and gently rests his hand on my thigh. âSh







