Torn Vows: We're Both Rotten Inside

Three years after Madeline Brooks, my wife, cheats on me and promises never to betray me again, I finally cheat on her too. When she rushes home, she finds me lying on our bed, my body covered in hickeys. "Madeline, no wonder you cheated so many times. I get it now. It really does feel damn good," I say mockingly. The shock on her face is unmistakable. Her eyes quickly turn red as she grabs me by the throat. "Sebastian Donovan, do you hate me that much? I swear I'll always stay loyal to you. I haven't seen him in the past three years. What more do you want from me?" She isn't wrong. For the past three years, she's done everything she can to make me feel secure. Whenever she comes home, she hands me her phone without hesitation. Whenever she goes out, if she's gone for more than five minutes, she video-calls me just to show me where she is. She knows exactly how much her betrayal has affected me. Every time we're intimate, she showers repeatedly and disinfects herself before coming anywhere near me. However, she hasn't exactly been loyal. As I stare at her, I can feel my body trembling. "You cut things off with him physically. But what about emotionally?" I ask. "Every time you get drunk, you call out Nathan Donovan's name. Every piece of clothing you've bought me is something he would like. Even when you buy me a watch for my birthday, you instinctively pick the one he would have liked most. And the anniversary ring you give me? It's even his size." I swallow hard. "You may have ended things with him, but you're forcing me to become him." Madeline's hand trembles. She grits her teeth, then forces a smile. "Sebastian, you don't get to hold this over me anymore. Yes, I cheated. But how are you any better than I am? We're both terrible people. We're perfect for each other." She says it without a trace of guilt. And just like that, the three years I've spent struggling with the aftermath of her betrayal suddenly feel like one big joke. All the things she's done to reassure me, all the ways I've tried to convince myself that we've finally moved past it—suddenly, they all feel meaningless. A wave of exhaustion washes over me, overwhelming me. For the first time, I realize I'm not angry anymore. I'm simply tired. And suddenly, I don't want this marriage anymore.