Chapter 6 - Loathe

This is painfully excruciating.

Three days have already passed and now is the fourth day of my father's funeral, and I don't want to leave here.

Father's tombstone looks like a bed, and his engraved name is a nightmare.

“I still can’t believe it, dad.”

Only crying is what I can handle to release all the resentments in life. I did not expect that the month of December would welcome us like this.

The month of my birth is also a month of mourning for my father's death. The month where the breeze is cool, the month leading to Christmas celebrations, Noche Buena dinners, and welcoming in the new year.

What about now?

"Why?" I sobbed hard as I continued to caress his tombstone.

How will mother and I cope each month, if our pillar of home is gone? The breeze will never be the same. The Noche Buena party is not as sweet, without the smile on every face. Lips that prove enjoyment, not because of the food, but because of each other's presence.

"Goodbye, dad. And no matter where I am, you are one of the stars that will continue to shine in my eyes." I cried hard as I reached the engraved letters of his name.

Rogelio Villafuerte. Born: July 18, 1924, Died: December 10, 1988.

"Viviana, let's go home. You need to rest, we have school tomorrow." even though I didn't look to see who was speaking, I knew it was Peter. He seems as mourning as I am. He also saw my father as his father since we grew up practically in the same neighborhood and environment.

"You go first, I need to be alone." I replied weakly, while observing my father's tombstone as if it had the power to take a human form.

“I am concerned about you, please come back already.”

“You don’t need to worry about me. I just wanted to be alone right now, Peter.”

I still didn't glance at him in my back. “There’s nothing wrong,” I said, since I thought that he thought there was something wrong with him or me.

He nodded. "I'll be back. First I'll go to your house to check on aunt Sally." then, Peter left.

I looked up at the sky, the sun was setting. And what could be my regrets now? Why don't I know everything? All this time... dad was sick.

I sighed. How many hours have I been staring at this?

Why, even if I look at it, I can't leave? Maybe because of the certainty that I have nowhere to run...

"I said you can go first, I'll leave later. I just need to be alone," I said, since I heard footsteps approaching me.

"Viviana..." I looked at my back. That voice...

My lips trembled. And these nonsense thoughts about him keep roaming around me. I hate him. "W-why are you here?"

"I know that I have no shame of showing up here. I'm sorry for-"

“Get out of here! I don't want to see you, all of you!” I shouted as I stood up and let my voice be one with my anger.

I was surprised when Simoun knelt in front of me. He has changed. I saw how he lost weight. And his skin... has bruises on it.

"I tried to stop everyone, but they locked me up." Simoun clenched his fist when he said that.

Shock and anger rushed through me. That's why, after the incident, I didn't see him? After he took me home, talked, and gave me a book... Just how fast situations change.

It is true. Bruises were almost visible on his face, and even though his body is chiseled and strong, it was undeniable that he had lost weight.

“Are you taking care of yourself well?” I scoffed at his question, really?

He bowed his head when he saw me scoff. “I’m sorry, this is the only time I could talk to you.”

I fucking cannot lose it. I’m not going to bend my decisions on him… or for him.

"G-go away! I don't want to see all of your family! And you!" I shouted sternly without looking at him.

"Viviana, I'm so sorry. I know I have no right to face you now.”

His jaw clenched as he got up and faced me. “I'm leaving.” those were his last words as he put a small piece of paper in front of me.

I saw his eyes. It is nothing but loneliness.

And when he left, the tears I wanted to stop started to fall. No words came out of my mouth, it seemed that the sight of him departing weakened me completely.

And I hate it.

I hate that out of all the pain I've been in this week, his image seems to make me feel more vulnerable, and how much I find peace in his presence. From the weariness of mine, to some relief and rest that is brought by him.

After all the storms, just his presence is enough to calm a deluge in me.

(Letter from Simoun to Viviana)

Viviana, I know this letter will not take away your grief. Repeated apologies are not enough to forgive all the wrongs my family has done to you. While I'm in prison here, because of my resistance to my father, and your grief, I know I should tell you the real reason for your father's death. When I went with my father to another town, I saw that he was talking to two men whom I did not know. The night the incident happened; the death of your father, I saw the two of them in charge of guarding your father's room. They are nurses named Rico and Elmer. I asked for a copy of the CCTV in that room, but when I watched it, the incident of your father's death was not recorded, because all the CCTV had a technical problem. But I based it on the few seconds the two nurses were together, and when they entered your room. Thirty seconds. After that, all the CCTVs were broken. The day I saw my father talking to the two nurses was hidden from me. I took a picture of it.

On the day of Mang Rogelio's death, my father didn't seem surprised. I followed him to his room, and I heard him talking on the phone. 'Good. Make sure no one sees you. Maybe that money is enough to keep your mouths shut.' 'Good.' That's what dad said to the person he talked to on the phone the day your father died. This was the time I confronted him, and I also confronted Alonzo, because they both knew what was going on. Because of that, I quickly went to your house, even though you were still in the hospital and grieving. But, before I could do that, I had to fight with my father's bodyguards. I fought them, but, when I got to your house, they still beat me. Until my body is weak. I'm sorry, I couldn't defend you. I just found myself lying in a place I don't know, maybe it's one of his hideouts.

I was freed because our business needed me, and all dad knew was that I wanted to stop everything. He doesn't know that I have evidence against them. I will be closely watched and while I manage the business in Manila, I will watch over you for your safety. I will send bodyguards to protect you. They are just around. I will send you support. Please don't work in our mansion, it's dangerous. I have also found a place where you can work. Be careful, Viviana. I am so sorry.

Simoun

I wipe the tears flowing from my eyes. And from his letter, there is one more thing I loathe. I hate it that people can be abusers of power. They can act like some might and destroy other people if they want to. And when that happens, their acts of injustice and abuse of power will take time to come to light.

But I fucking. fucking. hate it.

Their commanding voice, dirty money, playing life like chess, and their fucking immoral conscienceless living.

And one thing I cannot let pass is this. I will make sure that I will make all of those involved in the death of my father fucking pay.

Hot tears flowed in my cheeks and I wiped them. "But I will not be like them, they will pay on the right terms." … and I will make sure that justice will be rightly served.