Chapter 5 - Lost Hope

Today is a new hope. As long as there is life, there is hope.

In my life, that is the principle that I stand by.

I've already put on my clothes to go in today. Wearing a white button-down shirt, I paired it with a black pencil skirt and simple high heels that Isa gave me. I then tied my hair in a bun and went down the stairs.

Yesterday seemed like a dream, Simoun giving me a ride home and asking me about my dreams… that no one had ever been interested in before.

I tried to snap out of reality and slightly tilted my head to get out my memory of him, smiling and his eyes, reflecting the dimmed lights of the road’s nights.

"Good morning, iha. You are so beautiful!" my mother greeted me with a hug when I went down the stairs.

I smiled and hugged her back. "Good morning too, mom. You are also beautiful!" she giggled when she heard my response. I wanted to hear her laugh, and even her smile is enough.

"Oh, Peter is already in the living room. Join him and have breakfast there."

"You, mom?"

I already had breakfast a while ago. You and Peter should eat and get into your class early."

"Alright, thank you, mom."

"Good morning, Viviana." Peter looked at me and we chatted for a while, while eating our food.

"You are really beautiful." he smiled at me.

"Thank you." Peter laughed, knowing that I am flattered.

When it comes to Peter, I really don't get shy about being complimented. It's comforting when he's around because I'm used to it and we're close even when we were young.

We left the house to go to school and mom first went to the hospital to visit dad.

"Did you know that Lily hasn't finished the project proposal yet?" Angelo asked when we were walking in the hallway.

Angelo is my closest acquaintance. He is the same rank as me, we're both ranked 1 in our class, so I know that it kind of putting pressure on him.

"Why? I thought it was done?" I asked, concerned. Since we just have four days left and Lily hasn't finished the project proposal yet. We need that in Work Immersion and Research Practicals.

"That's alright, we'll do it again later." he said, seeming frustrated.

Maybe he wants to blame himself. Knowing him, he does not want his professional life to be affected by personal matters. Lily broke up with him. I don't know why and I won’t ask for that because it’s too personal.

"Alright, let's do it later, after school." I smiled at him, and he seemed to loosen up.

As the class started, I couldn't deny that I wanted to pass, go to Manila and work there. Not because I don't like our place, but because I think the place in Manila is good for my father’s healing.

It cannot be denied that health access is easier there, and unlike here, the infrastructures are in order, but no one is reforming public hospitals and health centers. But of course, there is a hospital, but only for the rich; the fee is expensive but the equipment is good and not everyone can afford it. Confining my father there does not matter to me, healing is more guaranteed, if the facilities are in good condition and there is no shortage of medicine and machinery.

“I’m really sorry. I hope Lily will come through.” Angelo apologized repeatedly after our class. We’re going to finish the work that Lily has left.

“It’s alright, let’s just finish this now. We still have final exams coming.”

Angelo nodded and hugged me. Shocked, I froze and I could feel his heartbeat becoming faster and faster each time.

“Angelo?” I called out his name as he continued to hug me. And when he didn't make a response, I looked at him and saw where he was looking… It is Lily. Lily is there watching Angelo hugging me.

Panicked, I pushed Angelo and as he came back to his senses, he stood up and called Lily who ran away.

“What’s that?” out of nowhere, Isa is right now by my side and asked me.

“Angelo followed Lily, it seems that they had a misunderstanding.” Isa’s face turned red and she sat on the chair, with no trace of happiness in her face.

“Maybe I should start this.”

“You’re not following him?”

“No. I don’t know what is happening between them. Besides, that is too personal.”

“Personal, my foot! Angelo always meddles with my dates!”

I laughed, hearing Isa’s response. She scoffs and bowed her head in irritation.

“Yeah. He’s just like that, he’s concerned about you.”

“I hope he will not be concerned about me…” she said and left through the hallway.

As she left, I saw her going in the direction where Angelo followed Lily.

I don’t know but she seems frustrated. Many because of how Angelo always looks out for her… or for us, but we can’t find the urge to ask Angelo about his relationship with Lily. He always dismisses that topic.

I tilted my head and just turned on my laptop to continue our practical research.

“Viviana, I’m sorry for leaving earlier." Minutes had passed, Angelo came back and he looked irritated, I don’t know.

“It’s fine. I’m just doing the practical research parts. You should do our work immersion report.”

“Yes, I will.” I nodded and smiled at him.

"Where are you heading now? Are you going straight to your house or to work?" Angelo asked.

Finally, we finished doing the spare parts of our project. For tomorrow, we will just review for exams.

"I'll go home first, so I can change. Besides, it's still early." I'm ready to leave since everything is over.

"Take care!" I and Angelo bid farewell in the hallway. I saw him contacting someone from his phone while walking in the left side of the hallway.

"Viviana…" Peter waved his hands at me while waiting there in the campus park.

Since Peter and I live close to each other, he accompanies me home. He also has a sideline occasionally at the mansion as a driver.

“Thank you for waiting.” I smiled and he put the helmet on for my protection.

He smiled at me. "You're welcome. Let's go." I got in the back and he started reviving the motor.

Arriving at our house, I noticed that it was very quiet. I turned on the light in the living room when I entered. Mom still hasn't come home from visiting my father?

"Mom?" I called, hoping to get answers.

Just like the timing, the telephone rings.

"Vi-viana, my child…" I was greeted by my mother's sobbing from the other line of the phone.

"Mom… what's going on?" I asked. Why is my mother crying?

"Viviana..." my mother cried more.

I have a bad feeling about this.

"Viviana, your father… he's dead!" my mother's voice echoed in my mind.

Dad. He's gone.

I hope this is all a dream.

Tears flowed down my cheeks and I wanted to ask again. I honestly don't want to believe it.

"W-What are you talking about, mom?" only mother's wailing was the only voice that stood out in my ears.

"Mom..." I sobbed one after another when I realized that my father was gone. Hearing my mother's cry also caused me so much pain.

"Your father, Viviana, is gone! Rogelio is dead, he has no life! He's gone… he’s gone…” mother continued sobbing weakly on the other line of the phone.

"Mom, I'm on my way there, please don't leave..." I rushed to the hospital while trying to wipe away the tears that fell one by one.

And as I was hurrying to leave, a realization hit me.

No matter how much one wishes for a good time, there is no denying that the strong blow of fate will come. One that will torment, suppress, and devour the good goal that is wanted to be achieved.

Apparently, crying is a reminder; in what deficiency, if any. Or what are the goals that the heart cries out to achieve.

Just like time, our lovely moments with our loved ones need to be cherished.

Why? It might fade away, like time, it can't be rewound. My memories with my father may be full of things I could miss, but certainly, all I could do is rewind them, through my memories.

Today, my father died.

And no words can describe how much pain I'm carrying, same with my loving mother.

“Viv, what is happening? Why are you crying?” Peter is still on his motorcycle, with evident tears in his eyes… Did he know?

“Father’s dead.” I said and saw his tears flowing again, but this time, he didn't wipe them.

“I will give you a ride to the hospital.”

I nodded and wiped my tears as they continued to flow, each one of them, leaving my heart to shatter into pieces.

“Sorry, Viviana…” Angelo sorely said as he revived his motorcycle and gave me a ride for me to be in the hospital on time.

“Thank you.” he nodded in turn.

“Please, this is NOT true. This is not…” I cried and as I hurriedly entered my father’s room, I lost all the strength I had.

My mother is there, sobbing in the room, while the doctors and nurses bow their heads in remorse.

“Viviana, your father… he's dead!!”

“Mom!” I rushed and hugged my mother lying on the floor. Tears flowed through my eyes as I saw the sight of my lifeless father… in the hospital bed, dried lips, and spiritless body.

“Rogelio… Rogelio is dead…”

But what matters most to me is my father’s face… he seemed struggling, with his brows crooked.

“I’m really sorry… we can’t do anything further. We extend our condolences.” the doctor bowed and all of them left us in the room.

I cried and let my tears flow as I reached for my father’s lifeless face. It is cold… and no sign of coming back to life.

“I’m sorry, father…” I whispered my apology to him. I’m sorry if I can’t be someone that is strong, father. I know that you will hate to see me cry, too.

“Rogelio…” my mother’s cries made my heart ache more.

Personnels rushed through the door and carried my father’s lifeless body. And there, after my father’s body had been moved, I brought myself down to the floor. I cried hard with my mother, crying too.

This is it.

Goodbye, my father.