GOING HEADS ON

~Lilian~

I watched the shadow sprint away through the door.

It was definitely a man, but it was too dark, and I think he was wearing a mask, so it made it all the more difficult to identify him.

Remembering the flower bouquet, and the note I had seen him tuck between them, I stood up hurriedly from my bed, my hands searching impatiently through the darkness.

Determined, my fingers moved blindly until it nudged the soft pad of the chair, causing it to hop forward with a little screech.

My breathing ceased, and a lump formed in my throat.

I wasn't sure what to expect.

Slowly, my fingers climbed the chair until they found the clustered petals of the bouquet, somehow, they found the note too without searching.

My chest pounding hard against my ribs, I glided my thumb against the surface of the paper slowly.

I wasn't sure of where the light switch was.

My phone.

I searched myself frantically before I realized I had been practically carried to the hospital.

No one would have thought to take my phone along.

Sighing, I jumped down from the hospital bed, landing on the floor with a thud that sent the sole of my feet aching.

The bed was higher than I thought.

I had forgotten about the chair Sonia had left in front of the bed, the one the strange man had delivered the bouquet to, not until I collided hard with it, sending it flying back, and finally crashing against the hard floor.

"F***k," I swore, wondering right after how that word had rolled naturally off my tongue.

Trudging forward, I found the wall, and with my fingers crawling in every direction, it finally landed on a switch.

With one click, light came, filling every part of the room, and making my eyes useful again.

I brought the note to my face immediately, my fingers still hanging loosely on the light switch.

"Catch me if you can!"

F**k!

"What is this? A kind of a race?"

My breathing was hot and rapid. I was pissed by the coward that wouldn't even allow me to see his face.

That was what I wanted myself to believe. That I was angry. Too angry, I wouldn't even think about him anymore.

But that was a lie.

I loved the attention.

Even though I wanted him to magically appear this second, and f**k me till I drop, I loved the anticipation his notes nurtured in my stomach.

One thing confused me.

Last night, I was soaking wet, horny out of my senses, I had given up myself to him to do whatever he pleases, I was ready to be ruined.

It was just me, him and our desires running wild in an ocean of forbidden fantasies.

We were alone and secured behind the closed doors of his room, yet he had pushed me away like he wanted nothing to do with me.

Yet, he had secretly delivered me a bouquet, and a note that had successfully arisen the desires that visiting the hospital had attempted to tame.

My eyes lingered on the flowers lying carelessly across the floor.

I wouldn't consider myself a go-getter, but right there and then, I made a decision to go all the way.

Not like I have ever thought about packing my bags, and insisting on going home with some lame excuse for Sonia.

It would be different if I wanted him, but he didn't want me. 

In this case, I wanted him, and he was afraid to want me openly.

I could understand.

He was gay, and maybe he thinks women are not good enough for him.

But I will show him that I, at least, was the sin he would die repeating over and over.

I couldn't wait to get home.

I didn't go back to sleep again.

Throughout the rest of the night, until morning, I racked my brain for a plan, pinching hard at the last note I had received, working for a plan that would actually fly.

Not some dumb shit about seducing him in the sitting room with nothing stylish, but a graphic t-shirt I had worn since I was a teenager, or rushing without thinking to his room, face puffy from just waking up, smelling like sweat and cum.

Sonia came earlier than usual.

She helped me pack my bag, after kissing me deep on the neck, her lips moist and tingling against my skin.

As I watched her settle the bills over the counter, I couldn't help but notice how sloppy her back looked bent over the surface.

She seemed tired, exhausted.

I wondered what she had been up to recently, and I thought I could ask if she had told Mr. Nikolai to come keep me company at the hospital for the night, just like she promised before she left.

Because, nobody showed up.

"C'mon! Let's go home," she smiled, waving a hand at me as she proceeded towards the door.

"Hey, Sonia. Is there something you want us to talk about?" I asked, grabbing her arm.

She glanced at me, a small unsure smile playing against her lips.

"You mean about how you almost f****d a tampon stick?" she stuck out her tongue towards me teasingly.

"Get lost!" I yelled, catching her head under my arm.

She rounded her arms on me, grabbed my br***ts, and massaged it three quick successions, sending heat waves straight to my brain.

I released my grip on her, breaking free from hers.

It made her break into a long hysterical laugh.

Not because I didn't think that was an incredibly hot move, but I didn't want to feed my head the satisfaction that I had strangely enjoyed her palms on my body.

We were close to the car now. I leapt ahead of her to lean against it, my hands folded lazily across my chest, and my gaze serious.

I wanted us to talk.

"You don't look too good."

She chuckled.

"I should be telling you that. You were the one that just got discharged from the hospital."

"C'mon Sonia! This isn't a joke. Tell me, no matter how silly it is."

She smiled, looking up to face me from where she stood directly opposite me.

"Yes, tell me," I urged, my tone soft and convincing.

"There's this thing I've been looking forward to the entire year..."

"Okay?"

"They said I can't participate. Something about not having a female partner to go all the way with."

For a second, I was lost.

"Now, they're giving this man an opportunity to bring another man to the game. I have never liked the idea of being in the middle," she concluded like it was some serious a** business deal.

I should have known. Sonia was the type to freak out over some hook up night deals, enough, you'd think she was sick.

"I will do it with you."

I watched her stare down at me like she had seen a ghost.

"C'mon! Lily. It might be too much for..."

"If you don't find someone else before..."

I felt a pair of smooth slender arms cross around my neck in a tight grip, a hot breath filling the skin of my neck.

"I love you."

I didn't want to say it back.

I knew the implications of doing so at the moment.

"I love you too."