Rin

Rev Montago.

I gulped, feeling the burning sensation at the back of my throat.

I was wrong, maybe I couldn't, I wouldn't ever be able to bear it.

This was my cue to quit.

Fuck, it hurts.

This is someone I imagined my whole life with.

I looked away from her eyes, to the child who was staring at me, to Jedd, and back to her.

Nothing could please her more than seeing me break.

But I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't give them all the satisfaction to see me break.

I would not quit, no matter how the jealousy burned, no matter how it hurts, I was going to endure it.

"Can we go now? We're already late" the little girl looked from Allyssa to Jedd.

"Let's go" Allyssa said, and I watch as they walk past me.

I clenched my fist, revelling in the burning sensation, building in my throat.

Why can't I let go?

I didn't believe that the things, the time we shared together was fake.

Why?

The question lingered in my mind, I knew I wasn't going to walk away, I wanted to hear more from her...

Of how miserable I was.

Of how she wanted something that I could never give.

"He looks so happy with his wife and kid, it's good to marry cos of love" a young worker with ruffled hair, came close.

"What do you think? He asked me.

" People do not marry for love anymore "

I walked away from him.

Knowing that love was not for me, I wouldn't be able to love anyone after this.

My heart was locked, and could remain so.

ALLYSSA

The restaurant were Jedd took Essy and I was one of the biggest in town.

They served the best of everything, I stared at the table filled with different dishes,

My favorite dish stood out, tender flavourful chicken with a rich savoury sauce.

I stared at it and swallowed.

On my birthday, Rev had ran ten miles to get them.

He knew how much I love them, he refused to listen to me, he ran all the way so I could have them.

"Do you want some, you've been staring at it so much? Jedd followed my gaze.

"No thank you, I do not like this"

I reached for chips instead,

I watched Essy as she ate.

"How's it baby? I asked

She smiled

" Really good "

I still could not take his face from my head, no matter how I tried to distract myself by eating, and watching, Essy eat, and asking questions about her health and school.

It still didn't take away his face.

The way he stared at me, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to get over the ache.

If I could be able to get over him, or the fact that I could be seeing him everyday.

"I .. I gave him the Job" Jedd cleared his throat.

"Oh" I replied

"Does he know?

" No, if he knew, he wouldn't accept it "

I nodded.

Revy would not accept the Job if he knew the owner of the building was Jedd.

"Would it be uncomfortable for.. you? Jedd asked.

'so much, I can't bear it, I feel suffocated, it's hurting me so much, I really love him'

"No it wouldn't be" I replied, swallowing what I really felt.

I had to be strong, I was doing this for Rev

So he could be safe, so he could have everything he lacked.

He could be happy, he could even forget me.

I didn't care tho, I was saving two lives, that's what really mattered.

"You're unbelievable" Rin's voice rose in anger.

"How could you do this?

" How could you throw away something precious? Her face hardened..

She stood in the living room, her eyes burning with rage.

"You love him, he loves you, you guys are perfect together"

"Why did you make this choice?

"Cos I love Jedd" I replied, and she was stunned..

I could feel the rage rolling off her,

She narrowed her eyes, looking at me closely.

"Don't lie to me Ally" she replied.

"Tell me the truth"

"There's nothing to say" I had no energy, I could break down, any minute if this continued.

"I don't know you anymore" her eyes darted around.

"I want to know one thing, why did you leave him?

" He was not good enough, he couldn't give me the things I wanted"

Rin stared at me in disbelief.

"Why did you say yes to him? Why did you marry him then?

"I'm out now cos it was a foolish choice"

Rin only stared at me, I didn't look elsewhere, I stared back at her.

"This is the life I want, look around you, look at me now, do you think Rev could ever give me this?

My throat ached, as I asked.

" Do you think, I could truly ever be happy with him?

I kept on.

"He wss willing to give you the world, he could do anything for you, why?

Rin's voice was low.

I ignored the desire to shout, to let my feelings out, to let the tears that I've bottled inside for so long flow.

I kept my mouth shut, and only stared at Rin.

" I'm trying to believe you" Rin continued.

" If this is what you want, you've got it already" her eyes swept over me, to the luxurious setting.

" Really nice"

" Thank you" I replied, my fingers pressing against my palm.

"Are you okay mom, who's...?

Essy's eyes acessed Rin, who looked at her with interest.

" Mom, who's she?

"I'm your mom's best friend" Rin looked from me to Essy with a warm smile.

"Really nice to meet you" Essy replied.

"I like you already" Rin's smile was infectious, as she stopped low,

" Do one thing for me" she whispered against Essy's ear.

"I would do it right now, what do you want? Essy stared at Rin with curious eyes.

" Take care of your mommy " she looked at me, and back to Essy.

" Take care of your Daddy, how close is he to mommy?

" So close, but I never see them sleep together "

The words were out from Essy before I could stop her...

Rin smiled

"Smart girl" she looked from Essy to me, she smiled and walked out.

Damn.