Chapter 11: Split In Two

Nathan

Elizabeth's voice filled the room. I could tell how excited she was. She kept going on and on, something about the Luna ceremony, the seating arrangements, how certain Alphas like to be acknowledged. It was a whole lot, and I should have been listening. I tried to listen, but my mind wasn't here, not really.

It was back at the office.

Back to the moment Kaima’s lips almost met mine. Back to how I almost let myself lose control if it wasn't for the sharp sound of the ringtone pulling me back to reality.

I kept my face unreadable as I watched Elizabeth pace the room, her mouth moving but I couldn't hear a single word she said.

She thought she had my attention, but only my body was present. My thoughts were elsewhere—with someone else.

“Nathan… you are really quiet tonight,” Elizabeth said, her voice held a questioning edge to it. “Is everything alright?”

I gave a small nod. I didn't trust myself right now because I was afraid if I opened my mouth, there was a possibility I was going to call her the wrong name.

‘You’re pathetic, you know that, right?’ Zade rumbled inside of me, a low growl threading through his voice. ‘You regret almost kissing her. Funny enough, I don’t. My only regret is why the hell your phone chose that moment to ring!’

I shut my eyes for a second, willing him back. ‘She’s not ours, Zade.’

‘She’s gotten under our skin, Nathan. You want her so badly, and so do I. Why deny it when even as you sit here staring at our mate, all you think about is her?

I clenched my jaw, ignoring what he just said, forcing myself to focus on Elizabeth as she moved through the room. I couldn't admit to myself that I almost betrayed my mate… our bond. Elizabeth moved closer to me, placing a hand on my arm—warm and deliberate but it did nothing to calm me.

Guilt burned in my chest like lava. I had no right to be thinking about Kaima. No right to remember the flicker of confusion that was on her face, the curves of her lips, the swell of her breasts. I had no right to wonder what would have happened if that phone hadn't rang.

Damnit.

“Are you even listening to me at all?” Elizabeth snapped, her tone sharp.

I blinked, pulling myself back to the present, forcing a polite smile, trying to cover the turmoil inside of me. “I am,” I lied.

She didn’t believe me I saw it in her eyes—but she didn’t push further, and I was more than grateful for that.

Zade, however, wasn’t done. ‘Stop lying to yourself, Nathan. We are thinking about another woman even with our mate standing in front of us. What do we call that?’

I looked at Elizabeth and forced myself to nod to whatever she was saying, but inside I was unraveling, because Zade was right.

I wasn’t here. Not with Elizabeth. Not really. And I hated it so much, but I couldn’t stop myself.

Goddess forgive me.

I just wanted to get her out of my mind, but it was like she was a drug. The more I tried to stop, the more I wanted it. And I was afraid I was slowly becoming an addict.

Elizabeth folded her hands over her chest as she looked at me, a frown written all over her face. Her voice shifted from soft to sharp irritation.

“You are not listening to a word I say, are you? I’m just babbling,” she snapped, her eyes narrowing. “I’ve been talking for over fifteen minutes and you just sit there like a statue, watching me.”

I straightened up in the chair I was seated in, forcing a calm I didn’t truly feel. “I’m listening,” I said softly, trying to sound convincing, though the edge of guilt still clung to my voice.

“Please don’t lie to me. I’m not a child.” Her jaw was tight with frustration. “Your mind is somewhere else, Nathan. Ever since you came back, I see how your eyes go blank, as though I’m not in the room.”

I dragged a hand over my face, letting out a heavy breath. ‘She can’t know what you’ve been thinking about,’ Zade clawed. ‘So if you’re thinking of saying anything stupid, swallow it back.’

“Elizabeth,” I said softly, my voice soothing as I reached for her hand, but she didn’t let me as she pulled away. “I’ve had a lot on my mind, pack matters, work. Everything has been stressing me out. I’m sorry if I seem really distracted.”

Her brows arched, unimpressed. “Don’t patronize me Nathan. This is important to me, you know this. The ceremony… It's a really big deal. It’s in weeks, and everything has to be perfect. I can’t stand here planning everything in detail while your mind is somewhere else, Nathan.”

I held her gaze for a moment, unflinching. “You are absolutely right,” I said finally, letting out a breath. “I should have been paying attention. I see how much work you put into this, and as my Luna, you shouldn’t be doing this alone. You deserve my full attention, and I’m sorry I haven’t been giving you that.”

The words felt like stones in my mouth. Heavy. Necessary. Untrue.

Her tense posture eased slightly. She was still suspicious, I saw it in her eyes. She wanted to believe me— needed to. I gave her a reassuring smile. “Come here, beautiful.”

She hesitated before stepping closer and taking a seat on my lap. I brushed a strand of hair from her cheek, leaning in just enough to ease her off her anger. “You’ve worked so hard for this. I see all your efforts, and I promise, I’ll give it all the attention it deserves.”

I saw how her shoulders slowly relaxed, the tension fading away as I held her.

“You’d better,” she whispered, her head resting on my chest, but her voice had lost its bite.

I smiled faintly, but it didn’t reach my eyes. And Zade growled in restless dissatisfaction.

‘You lie to her with so much ease now,’ Zade said. ‘But what are we going to do when things get out of hand with Kaima? You know we can't lose our mate, and at the same time… Kaima won't leave our head.’

I swallowed hard, ignoring the echo of his voice and the truth that pulsed hot beneath my skin.

Elizabeth slowly drifted off to sleep in my arms. She looked so peaceful.

“I love you,” she whispered in her sleep.

I wanted to say it back, even if she wasn’t going to hear me. But… I'm afraid saying it wouldn’t make it true.