SILENT CHEMISTRY

LUCIO

My body quaked with anger and resentment.

But I couldn’t even tell who exactly my anger was aimed at.

I couldn’t be mad at Valeria for making her decision, I could never be mad at her for anything.

I couldn’t be mad at my men for not even being able to give full account on where she was and how she had left. I have spent a reasonable part of my life with Val to know just the kind of woman she is. By the way, no one ever had to watch her steps - she was a woman of strong will and a domineering presence.

She couldn’t be caged - and not that I ever wanted to.

But I was still on the verge of going crazy with anger, and I could not help it.

Four days had passed by since the unfortunate turn of events, and I was still yet to hear from anyone about Valeria’s whereabouts, not even from the horses mouth.

I just wanted to know that she was okay. I wanted to know that she was under no form of duress, and maybe we could talk things out.

Maybe she sensed withdrawal from my side, maybe like other women she could sniff the thoughts in my head like a bloodhound, the vivid images that came freely to my mind at absurd moments, of the woman I met for not more than five minutes.

Could Valerie really have noticed what was going on in my mind?

Even if she did, she was never the jealous type, or worst still, the kind of woman who will leave what was hers for someone else to take.

I wish I could see her now, and make her understand that she had nothing to worry about. That I would never leave her for anyone else - Not Ever!

But all my attempt at tracking her down were useless. i literally had no clue where she was.

She wasn't in her parent's villa - which is the last place I know she will even consider going, and she didn't have friends at all. Or maybe none that I know of.

I am not so sure how much longer I can survive with the burning pain in my chest, with the slow and uncontrollable meltdown that I could no longer hide from my men.

I had led them for a very long time and had earned their maximum respect, but now I notice the way they look at me like I was a spoilt little boy who is merely throwing tantrums because he didn’t get a toy.

I heard low exchange of words at the entrance of the den, but I didn’t even bother to check who it was. The suffocating smell of weed and alcohol had announced Parker’s presence even before I could turn around to confirm it.

One would think that I should have been the one drowning myself in all the hard stuff, but I couldn’t bring myself to even take a snip.

I had promised Valeria never to indulge in the same routine the other men in the club did so normally. If we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, she needed to know I wasn’t going to slump one day and suffer health challenges.

She needed me alive and healthy, and after all that she still ghosted on me.

CAZZO! I screamed in my head but pretended to be okay as Parker walked up to me.

‘I made it clear that-’

‘So esattamente cosa hai detto’ he replied and proceeded to open the windows in my room, and the lights from outside blinded my eyes. I was too tired to even complain.

‘What do you want?’ I managed to ask. He stopped in his track, where he was pacing around my room trying to fix things like a good friend trying to save his best friend from running mad, and looked at me.

‘What do I want? Your empire is crumbling down and you ask what I want? Go outside and see for yourself what the world is turning into in your absence, everyone is going crazy bro.’

‘You think that is all I care about right now?’

‘Look, I get what you are going through’

‘Really?’ I got up from my chair to look him dead in the eye, and I wasn’t surprised when he stared back at me like he dared me to try anything stupid.

‘Now you understand? Six marriages in seven years and all of a sudden you understand what I am going through? Do you even know what love is? Do you even know a thing about how I have spent the past eighteen years of my life living in the arms of a woman I thought loved me the same way? Do you fucking know how it feels to look so stupid and clueless? Don’t you fucking tell me trash just to get me working again and earning you money you will spend on your next wedding’

I spat out the last few words and left the room before he could say a word, even though I doubted that he had anything to say to me after that.

I loved the business side of him; the energy he put into making bucks and putting things in order. He is always my first and only confidant when it came to important issues that concerned the business, but at everything else he was terrible at.

I needed to clear my head. I had already drunk more than enough but my head was still fuzzy with endless thoughts and my heart was not merry at all as it should be after all the bottles of alcohol I had drowned myself in.

Parker was right after all, maybe I should look into the business, it might actually be the one thing that will clear my mind off things.

Four days without looking into the orders or shipments must have left a stack on my desk, it will take me a longer time to fix everything and get back into business.

But it wasn’t going to be easy at all.

If it was any other kind of business or empire, I would be sure to get a little bit of empathy and understanding from my clients, and a pass for my recent failure in carrying out my duties. But this is a dark world and no one cares what you are going through here.

I remember when my Father passed, and I still had to represent him on the seat of lords that afternoon at a meeting he was supposed to chair, and officially announce his passing without as much as a tear from my eyes.

Tears showed weakness, and pa didn’t raise me that way.

Six year later, and I have shut down business for four days straight because of a woman.

I will definitely have a lot to explain at the table during the next meeting, but first things first.

I walked into my office, unexpectedly throwing a whole bunch of fellows off-guard as they were definitely not expecting me, given the way they sat on the sofas, sharing drinks and cigarettes.

‘Boss’ echoed in the room from each one of them, but I ignored them and walked towards my desk.

I was absolutely right - my desk was stacked high with papers.

‘Bring them in’ I commanded and I they all dispersed, understanding what  meant.

I skimmed through the papers and files on my desk while I waited for them to return with the new recruits.

My chest bubbled with anxiety like it had never done before. It felt just like the first time I addressed the table of lords in place of my late father.

My hands shook uncontrollably and my heart thumped erratically like a criminal awaiting final judgement.

I was so grateful that I was alone and had my back to the door just in case anyone walked in.

What is going on with you Luce, what the hell is wrong with you? Suddenly got your cock replace with a fucking pussy? I asked myself and tried to still myself with a long gulp of dry gin.

It burned my tongue and the fire in the drink trickled down my throat and consumed every air in its part until it settled in my belly.

Fuck it! If she was not there with me, then I see no reason to keep living in her shadow.

It was not until a couple of minutes latter that I realized why my body had reacted that way.

Even before my eyes had seen her, my heart and body had registered her presence.