I constantly tossed and turned, begging every God I could name to stay asleep. I don't want to wake. Being awake has consequences, I have to face my troubles and I'd much rather avoid them all. Sleep makes me feel safe. It's my only escape. I had a dream several days ago like Astral projection. I could be mentally free, and I could go wherever I wanted. I was safe and free! But when I came back to my body, I was dead and rotting in the barn beside Bobbi. It was the night I had killed her, and I came to screaming and hyperventilating. I got two strikes across my bottom for disturbing his slumber, but once he realized I was 'cracking' he softened his stance and offered me sleeping pills and a warm glass of milk. I even got a blanket, all because I said thank you.
Now, I'd give anything for more. It felt so surreal, so good to get away from my own mind. To fall into the deep, blac
As much as I tried to not enjoy it, I actually ended up inhaling the Stromboli. Even the thought of sleeping next to him wasn't enough to offset my stomach as I initially thought. The food was warm and soothing, reminding me of happier times. I can remember driving home with my takeout and some household things I had picked up, windows cracked and Creature slobbering out the window. I remember going home and bringing everything in before kicking off my jeans and running upstairs to eat my Stromboli in the warm bath. Music from my phone playing and the lights dim. It felt so liberating. Nobody there to judge me, save for the camera I now know was in my room. No condescending Dallas with his constant looks of disdain that I recieved for having personality or a free spirit. He always did admire conceited and stuffy types, no doubt subconsciously seeking the type of women he had grown up around due t
I nearly choke on air as I fight to greedily gulp through my mouth and nose. It's impossible under the weight to expand my chest and lungs to inhale properly. I can only manage hasty shallow breaths. I don't quite comprehend what's happening and it's only adding to my growing terror. His back is to me as he straddles my chest. He's so heavy, and it's tiring just to get my air in. I wish I could just see him. I can't read him, let alone without being able to face his face and mannerisms."You have to trust me. You have to be still." I shiver and spare a little, but it's all nerves. I have little say in the matter. "Shh..." He rubs my sides and fronts of my legs. "Calm. Calm and still." I can't move my arms or legs to relieve stress, so I just tense my body andvtgrash my head for a moment until so energy is gone. Then I try to still. I'm already starting to cry, and I watch the sky gradually darken as the sun departs.
The sun settles through the window, shining onto my exposed skin and warming it. The air conditioning is chilly, and I'm blanketless thanks to Kellan. He had jumped up to fix breakfast and bring it up. It's almost the same everyday. Three meals, humiliating shower if I've behaved and some crazy, uncomfortable, or painful experience. I'm debating on throwing my entire mind away, because I'm becoming accustomed to this. Eerily comfortable. The intimacy of it all, the nudity, the abuse have all destroyed my modesty and sense of morality. I've become so focused on staying alive that I've lost my ability to separate what I thought was my acting from my true nature.I slept like a baby last night after I summoned the nerve to wake him and ask for water. He had instead brought me a warm tea, and it soothed me. Ibtry to stretch as best I can and situate my cramping neck. I had fallen asleep with ny neck in a bind. Kellan was still holding
My face is pressed against the crack as I listen and watch. No sign of anybody yet, and the heater finally is starting to effect me. I'm sweating and tired. Still sore from my bruises, stabs and recent slaps and strangling. She has to come out. She can't just spend the night. It hasn't been long, perhaps he is trying to fix her food and a movie in the livingroom so she can't find anything incriminating. I feel pathetic and stupid, spying as I am, but I have hope still. Even if it's a slight spark, it's still enough to keep me going. I debate even screaming at her when she comes out, but I know that he'll likely follow her out and come mock me. I hear the telltale creak of the screen door and I hold my breath, listening. "Where are you going? Wait!" I hear Kellan yell. "I'm going ho
It has been days since the teller was murdered. I have been quiet most times, not certain what to say to Kellan and certainly in no mood to comfort my captor about his sadness at eventually having to kill me. Kellan has alternated between talkative, soft, and brooding. One minute he has nothing but praise and foot rubs, the next I'm getting lashes or struck for no reason. He especially becomes angry if I refuse to tell him I love him, or that I don't remember saying it. I don't though, and I don't remember it either, but I no longer argue. He could tell me the sky was purple and I'd go in depth to describe the shades to him just to avoid the whip. He enjoys whipping me. If I am too 'good' he will purposely set me off or frighten me so he has an excuse to get his hands on me. After he does this he will pamper me. Lotions, praise, extra
I had forgotten how sore ny body was, every muscle and injury competing for attention as I back into the spindle, prepared to run again. The crack has given me hope. I can and I will bust this spindle and run. I tuck my arms to the same side and angle myself so I can use all my strength and speed without damaging my arms as badly. A fresh wave of adrenaline washes over me and I bolt. I almost squeal in delight when I hear the satisfying snap of the spindle. I pull the chains up with me and reel in the spindle shard as I take off. I bound for the woods, smart enough not to go straight down thevroad as my heart yearns to do. He would find me too easily. I can follow it from the woods. I feel guilty at leaving the girl behind, but maybe with him searching for me it'll distract from her and I can contact police. Yeah, and what about when he rolls on you for killing Bobbi? Should I try to ki
I remember very little after he brought my mom inside. He put her in the other room, and after taking anything out that could be a weapon and chaining her on one side of the room by a wrist, he left her food and let her be. He swore to me that she could walk about comfortably. She has a bathroom and bed, and a TV that he controls for her that is out of reach. It's hard to believe him though, because he lies.After telling me this, he helped me to shower and fed me soup through a straw, but I couldn't stand to use the straw. It was excruciating and I cried. So he patiently ladeled little spoons full of broth into my mouth, encouraging me to take more and more. He held the cup while I sipped my drink. The voice he spoke to me in was as smooth as the honey in the hot toddy I sipped for pain relief. It was stout, and warm. And after it slipped down my throat, a needle slipped into my skin. I fought against it in shock and fear, but soon I slipped away still coc
Mom sits at the foot of her bed, legs crossed and elbows rested on them as she eyes me warily. I can tell she is judging my appearance to find loopholes in Kellan's story. Her brow raises in disdain as she grimaces at my bruised jaw. It's godawful of course, but I expected nothing less. On a positive note, at least nobody will see it other than us. You could cut the tension with a knife. I'm almost shocked to see he had kept his word and kept her safe. Kellan slouches awkwardly by the door. I am worried though, because I can sense my mother's attitude and Kellan's lack of patience both striving to surface. Mom finally breaks the silence. "My baby. I was worried sick." She smiles too widely and blinks too slow. "You sure you okay?" "I'm positive. Are you though?"