Denial

ERIC:

“It‘s in the closet,” I said.

“In my suitcase. Not anymore.”

“It couldn’t just disappear.”

“It looks so.”

He didn’t want to say it. Bernard didn’t want to point the finger at me. But if it was just the two of us locked in for days, no visitors, and his broken phone, the only evidence that proved I was Lucia—suddenly vanished…even the dullest partner would suspect me.

“Let me,” I offered, disappearing into the bedroom.

I could kiss Lucas right now. If he hadn’t foreseen this, if he hadn’t come up with a solution, what would I have done?

When he took Bernard’s broken phone, he’d scanned it and, at the last minute, produced a clone.

“He might suspect, even while you are still with him,” Lucas had said. “That wouldn’t be good.”

Luckily, the phone was the same model Lucas used. He smashed his and handed it to me, my survival hack. Back in the bedroom, I heard Bernard moving out of the bathroom. No time to slip it into his suitcase. I quickly lifted the mattress and slid the phone against the wooden frame.

I retrieved Lucia’s phone from where I stashed it and returned to Bernard.

He smiled, relieved. “The universe wanted to play tricks on me.”

I frowned. “Why do I think this phone matters the most?”

“It does…” The words escaped him before he clamped his lips shut.

He was trapped. I had wanted to hear that exact response.

“I will be in the room,” I said, switching on the acting mode.

And it came. Apologies, excuses, desperate attempts to cover his slip. At last, he offered to take us to a movie date—a perfect distraction to keep him from rushing to repairs or doing anything that would sabotage my situation.

I sent a message to Lucas through his social media account, accessible on his computer. That has been our only means of communication since his mobile phone was saving my life. I told him where we’d be. He promised that Bernard’s phone would be ready in a few hours.

Midway through the movie, I excused myself to the restroom. Lucas was waiting. He’d done it. The phone was as clean as brand new.

But the rest of the day with Bernard was heavy and unbearable. I knew I was going to break up with him. And his joyous self didn’t see it coming.

Back at his place, I replaced the phone, grabbed my bag, stepped into the living room, bracing myself.

“We were doing fine, Eric,” he said. “I thought we were blooming. What’s this?”

“My heart isn’t all in. I don’t think I can pretend anymore.”

“We weren’t a pretence. What we had was real. Don’t shut this off, I beg you. I love you.”

“I am sorry. I thought I could do this. But I can’t. You’re too loud for me.”

“What?”

“You had everyone staring at us at the movies. I hated it. I’ve always hated it. I can’t contain it anymore. We should break up.”

It was a shallow excuse. Bernard’s personality was no secret—his loud voice, his loud appetite, his loud everything. That was his charm. I never hated it. But I needed a reason. Any reason to walk away.

Because I couldn’t continue playing a game too destructive. Too dangerous for my sanity. I couldn’t ruin great friendships because I lusted after one man and loved another. I was chaos, but this was disaster.

It wasn’t just Bernard. Leonard too. I was letting go of both men. No matter how deep my feelings ran for Leonard, or his for me, Bernard would always exist in the story. And once he learned the truth, it would all collapse anyway. Better to end it now.

But it didn’t get better.

I couldn’t sleep. Barely an hour back in the house, guilt drowned me. For Bernard. For Leonard. I toyed with the idea of going to Leonard—seeing him one last time. As Lucia. Kissing him goodbye.

With what little resolve I had, I decided to wait until daylight.

The next morning, as Eric…I went out of the house. I know. Minds change. I couldn’t go as Lucia. I couldn’t directly face him. I intended to snoop around, see him for the last time. Say my goodbyes from a distance.

I was in a hideout, waiting for Leonard to leave for work, when Lucas called, panic lacing his voice.

“He was here. Leonard was here, Eric.”

I turned back immediately.

“How is that possible?” I whispered, fear wrapping me tight.

“I should be asking you that! He followed you, clearly.”

“What do we do?”

We had no idea. Lucas was blank. I was never productive. Hours of silence crushed us until he snapped, jumping to his feet.

“I need air. A distraction. Anything.”

“I know somewhere,” I said.

He shot me a look. Right. Too early for alcohol. Too reckless to club.

Still, Lucas dressed up. So did I. I couldn’t stay home alone—Leonard’s shadow would come for me. Swears, I could feel him on my back.

Out, Lucas dropped his phone for repairs…his traditional lifestyle, clinging to the broken thing until it was completely damaged. Later, we went to a clothing store. I grabbed new clothes; if I was going to keep being Eric, I needed enough wears.

Hours passed. Our stomachs growled. At the restaurant, just as we were about to enter, a horn blared—sudden, sharp. Our fears snapped loose. Instinctively, we clung to each other.

“What was that?” I asked, gripping Lucas so tight he could barely breathe.

“Eric…I can’t breathe.”

I loosened slightly. “Was that Leonard? It sounded like his horn.”

Lucas tilted his face toward the line of parked cars. “Plenty of similar cars,” he muttered. “You should look.”

“I’m shortsighted.”

“Eric,” Lucas shoved me out. “I’m the one with bad eyes. Look.”

“He is not the one,” I confirmed without looking, ducking into the restaurant before Lucas could protest.

After the meal, neither of us suggested going home. We just sat, waiting for someone to break.

“Should we go to a hotel?” Lucas asked softly.

“And wait until Erica returns,” I added.

He nodded. If Lucas, our brain, was distorted, what hope did I have?

In the cab, we stayed paranoid, staring out the back window for Leonard’s car, ignoring the cabbie’s bewildered glances. He wouldn’t understand.

At the hotel, the paranoid didn’t stop. We refused to show our faces. Meals were taken through a creaked door, just a hand reaching out to the server.

A week later, Erica returned. She met us at the hotel, listened quietly to the mess.

“Why did you go back to Leonard’s?” she asked.

After the narration, after the tension of confessing Leonard knew there were two of us… that I was now Lucia, Erica was more interested in the reason I had risked going to him.

“Is there something you are not telling me?” she pressed. “Something I should know?”

I couldn’t tell her I hooked up with Leonard. Or that I was in love with him.

“Something like what?” I deflected. Lucas’s eyes narrowed.

“You tell me, Eric. Are you interested in Leonard? Do you love him?”

“…”

“Answer me. I need to know.”

I looked at Lucas. He wouldn’t meet my gaze. He left me to my own truth.

“I’m not,” I whispered, my heart shrinking as the lie left my lips. “I don’t love Leonard.”

Lucas shut his eyes. When he opened them, he looked at me and shook his head slowly. Disappointed. Then, I knew…I shouldn’t have lied.

But how could I admit it in front of Erica? Maybe because, fake or not, a ridiculous part of me still sees Leonard as her fiancé.

“That settles it then,” she said coolly. “Because I want Leonard.”

“What?” Lucas hissed.

“You heard me. I’ve developed feelings for him.”