Fakely Loved

ERIC:

“I know. But Erica would want you to.”  Leonard had said.

And among all responses, “She isn’t here” was all I could come up with?

Seriously, Eric?

I couldn’t blame myself, though. It was my legs—they refused to move. They were rooted to the ground, urging Leonard to make his moves. 

The thought of his dick, the shut door, the low tone of his voice when he said, “You should’ve left when you had the chance,” glued me to that spot, waiting for him to devour me.

He was about to, until my brain snapped back into gear and reminded me that I was a man, not another woman like Erica, the one he thought I was. Then I bolted.

Leonard is straight. He doesn’t have to say it—it is stamped invincibly on his forehead.

I’d known it long before meeting Erica. Leonard Hays is sensational, the kind of man everyone had more than a crush on. For me, it was only a crush… because falling for a straight man is suicide. Gay admirers like me always end up hurt. 

It should have ended there—admiring him from afar. No fantasies, no lingering over his pictures, but seeing him in person? I forgot how straight he was.

Now I remembered. Yet I can’t stop thinking about him. About the way he kissed me…deeper than the first time. About how his fingers went for my buttons, how his eyes burned his intentions into my system.

For days, I was restless. Erica, drowning in her own heartbreak over Nathan, decided to stay longer at Leonard’s. That should have been my salvation—a chance to cut myself off and kill these feelings. Instead, it was torture. Watching her take my place tore me apart. But watching her kiss him tore my soul completely.

Lucas tampered with Leonard’s surveillance when he came to my rescue. He manipulated the footage so that it plays now on his computer. Seeing Erica’s state that night, we knew our plan was at stake. In a desperate attempt to monitor her and prepare for damage control if she made mistakes bigger than mine, Lucas installed a hidden camera in her room.

And after we left, we stayed up all night in Lucas’s room, watching Leonard’s house like trained security dogs. It was more intense after we tried calling Erica, and her phone was unavailable.

At sunrise, we saw Leonard leaving his room, bare-chested. I froze beside Lucas, not because he was going to Erica, but because seeing him like that brought back every heated memory of the night before.

And when Erica kissed him, I shot to my feet and turned away from the laptop. Lucas looked at me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t hide my tension and jealousy.

“Eric?” he said flatly. “Tell me it is not true.”

That’s the thing about Lucas; he reads me like a book. He knows me better than I know myself. Whatever he didn’t ask or say isn’t because he doesn’t know, but because he chose to be silent.

But this? Falling for Leonard isn’t something he would pretend not to know anymore. Trust me, he figured it out long ago. I don’t know when exactly, but he knew before now.

I paced his room like Erica, ruffling my hair, rubbing my face. When I had nothing left to do, I dropped to the floor, arms over my head.

“You can’t,” Lucas said. “You shouldn’t.”

“Why?” My voice was muffled in my knees. “Why can’t I?”

“He is your sister’s fiancé.”

I looked up at him.

“He is straight,” he retraced, finally saying the real reason.

I left the room without answering.

“Eric, the plan wasn’t to fall for him,” he called after me.

“You think I don’t know?”

“Then do something about it before it ruins everything…before it hurts you.”

But it was already too late. I have fallen for a straight man and I hurt for doing so.

I showered, lay on my bed… and thought about Leonard. Him with me. Him with Erica. I didn’t believe Erica kissed him out of love; she was too broken. But Leonard… he had just squatted there, letting it happen, knowing she wasn’t me.

No more denial, Leonard knows. He knows about Erica and me. Tapping his surveillance is unarguably useless. It might confuse him for a while, but if he sees me again, Lucas’s perfect solution would be crushed again.

I didn’t tell Lucas, not about the kiss, not about Leonard’s confirmation. Because my real problem wasn’t the plan anymore… it was Leonard in my head.

So I texted Bernard: ~Can we meet? Sad day with my boyfriend. Need some company~

I opened the hotel door for Bernard. He was carrying shopping bags.

“I will give you the greatest and unforgettable company,” he smiled, waggling the four bags in my face.

Whatever he had in mind wasn’t my definition of ‘company’. I know what I wanted; his opinion could wait.

Then, I went at him with full force, shoving him against the door, kissing him hard. He dropped the shopping bags to the floor, flipped us, pinning me instead. He cupped my face, kissing me harder, his body roughly slamming against mine. But I was more into it. So, I pushed back until we were trampling his gourmet indulgences.

“Shit,” he muttered, glancing down at the smashed sweets.

He looked back at me, smiled, and made to pull me to the bed. I shook my head. I wanted it at the door. I wanted him to finish what someone started.

Taking out the condom from my pocket, I peeled my pants off my feet, tossed them to join the mess on the floor, and turned around.

I felt his smile on my back as he unbuckled his belt and went into the condom. One smooth thrust, and he was inside me. In a sec, he was pounding me, and I was stretching for him. 

In a minute, I was moaning. He was groaning. I screamed when he plunged in aggressively. He increased the tempo when I pushed into him desperately.  

Minutes later, he tightened. I built up. We moaned loudly as the climax washed over us at the same time.

Slowly, I collapsed on the door after painting it with my sperm, and he on my body, filling the condom with his cum.

******************

“I thought I wouldn’t be seeing you again,” he said, kissing my forehead.

We are finally in bed, curling in his embrace. It wasn’t part of what I came for, but a little bonus for him wouldn’t be bad.

Bernard has a good dick and knows how to use it perfectly. If it were a club in Panila, he’d be my regular top pick. But here? He would only be a distraction from Leonard.

Two weeks passed. Erica still hadn’t left Leonard’s. Bernard became my outlet, my way to survive the ache. But he started wanting more—confessing love, talking about marriage.

Bernard was the better choice compared to Leonard. Besides Leonard’s extraordinary manly face and physique, Bernard beats him elsewhere. Bernard may be richer, too. Not sure. But he drives a nicer car. Lives in a bigger house. He is very friendly, kind and caring. He is funny; I could spend hours laughing over his silly jokes. He is easy to deal with, unlike the rocky Leonard. Yet, when I slip into my thoughts and lone time, my heart aches for Leonard.

Lucas tried to cheer me, but there was little he could do for me when it was about feelings and frustration. Giving up, he left me to continue with his latest obsession.

Watching Erica has become his only job and addiction. After seeing her kiss Leonard, I avoided the feed. But Lucas barely left his seat, and I can vouch that he doesn’t shower anymore. His reason for sticking to his laptop all day was more than wanting to catch her mistake before it escalated, except I was too frazzled to confirm it.

To please me further, Bernard invited me on a cruise. I hesitated… he was moving faster than I could handle. Even after I set ridiculous conditions to slow his forwardness, he remained relentless. But with Erica refusing to leave Leonard’s and my feelings spiralling, I went. 

Two days into our trip, Lucas told me Erica had left for a month-long project. The news gave me no relief. If I were there, in Erica’s absence, I still wouldn’t go to Leonard.

I focused on Bernard and the trip. Out of gratitude, I decided to grant one of his many requests. Meeting his friends. I had refused before to protect myself from knowing eyes. Having too many connections in a city, I didn’t know my fate wasn’t healthy. But Bernard earned my exposure. 

However, after we returned, the ache for Leonard came back full force. I couldn’t sit, stand or lie down without thinking of him. When I had had enough of the suffering, I dressed as Erica, sneaked out on Lucas, and went to his house—not to see him, but to feel him. To lie in his bed. To be close without being seen.

I might be crazy, but not mad. I am crazy about Leonard, wish to see him, but I am not mad enough to let him see me in Erica’s absence. Even as he knows about us now, I shouldn’t blatantly confirm it for him.

But luck betrayed me. He came home early. I panicked and stupidly went back inside the house. I was already in my room when I realised I should have run out of the house entirely.

Then I dashed into his room, remembering it had a box that could save me like the last time. It didn’t save me for long. When he threatened to call the cops, I revealed myself.

I trembled before him. I shook with no control as I answered his questions. And he asked about my name… I couldn’t say I was Eric or claim to be Erica anymore, leaving ‘Lucas’ the only name in my head.

“Lucia,” I said, improvising.

Remaining a woman in his eyes is my only option. For so many reasons, but mostly to keep him by my side. Because once he knows I’m a man, it’s over for me… for us.

But I hated it. I hated that he moaned and arched for ‘Lucia’. It hurts that our first intimacy was under a false name and appearance. It broke my heart that everything would come to an end before he could ever moan my actual name.