Chapter 2

Darren's POV

Since I went through the stages of puberty, I had this feeling of wanting to be adored by girls. And these expectations continued to run through me until I went to college. This shallow craving to be the woman's center of attraction was probably the reason why I refused to get into commitments and relationships. I have a lot of friends from all walks of life. But a serious girlfriend? I did not experience it during my first three years in college.

I am a half-French and a half-Filipino, but I was born and grew up in the Philippines, which is why I can speak Tagalog fluently, but I only have a little knowledge of the French language. I was very loyal to UP Diliman because I studied at this institution since elementary. But when my family decided to move to my father's place for some business matters, I left the Philippines and continued my college studies in France.

My two-year stay in France was quite boring because I needed to focus on my studies, especially because my dad was too strict. And because I am the only son and the eldest among the three siblings, he wanted me to follow in his footsteps in the business world. I took a Bachelor of Accountancy because that's what my father wants me to take before I proceed to the College of Law. I am an obedient child, and even if business is not my priority, I need to follow my father's order.

During weekends, I used to escape from a boring life in the house and hang out with some of my friends. I experienced going to bars, drinking alcohol and beverages, but apart from that, no more. As in, no sex life.

Rare for a man like me, right? But that's true. Sometimes, I hear someone saying that I am gay because even if girls would coax me into doing something, I wouldn't give in, not because I am gay but maybe because I am too idealistic and choosy when it comes to girls.

One time, my friends set a blind date for me. They invited me to drink in a bar with a certain woman beside me, and once I'm drunk, they booked a room for me. Then that woman stepped inside and started kissing me.  But as soon as I noticed her presence, I suddenly got pissed off and then walked away. I could still hear her shouting loudly.

"You're nothing but a gay!"

My friends were upset with me because they did not expect I would refuse their "offer." Sometimes, I asked myself, am I really gay? But the other side of my brain told me I was not. I maybe don't like women, but the more that I don't like men either. I just wanted women to adore me because that could boost my male ego, but nothing more than that. I don't feel love or even sexual desire for them.

Until such time, I decided to go back to the Philippines. I asked my parents about it, and I'm glad they granted my request on one condition that I would focus on my studies and have no serious commitments. Honestly, those conditions were very easy for me because I know that I am already serious about my studies and I don't have any plans to get into a relationship.

I stayed in our residence in Quezon together with our two housemaids. While my family was in France, I managed to take care of myself in the Philippines. I gained plenty of friends both inside and outside the school campus, and as usual, women were just around every corner, explicitly showing their interest in me.

I am a friendly person, and I think this is one of my best assets. I can easily gain friends due to my irresistible 'charisma', as my friends told me. Inside the campus, I have a circle of friends. All in all, we are ten, including me, five males and five females, and we call each other "bubs." Since they asked me to be the leader of the group, I was the one who set the dos and don'ts. Within the group, we are not allowed to have romantic relationships with anyone and whoever disobeys will be removed. So that only means our group would only have a pure friendship. Among the members, only Angela and Eduard were my classmates. The rest are not because they were taking different courses.

One of my usual activities before going to sleep is music therapy. Well, my passion has been singing since I was still a child. I really love to sing because it relieves me from all the pressures and negativities in life.  And my favorite songs are mostly old songs because I am a young man with an old soul. After one hour of singing, I went inside my room to sleep.

I looked at my watch, and it was almost midnight. Suddenly, I got a call from Angela, telling me about a certain live-streaming platform where singers and dancers would go live. I was curious about what my friend told me so after chatting with her over the phone, I went to the G****e Play Store and downloaded the application. I created an account under the username "Denver," and I put a blurry picture of my face on my profile.

I started navigating the app until I accidentally clicked an audio live stream of a certain "Jewel." And when I heard her singing, I was totally mesmerized by her golden and angelic voice. I interacted with her in the comment section, giving my compliments to her. I asked her why she was not showing her face and she just answered that she was too shy. I stayed for a long time on her livestream because I was really enjoying listening to her songs, especially that we have the same genre of music. After two hours, she ended the stream and I already missed her. I don't know why I felt that way.

That was the beginning of our friendship online. I sometimes chatted with her and asked her if she was okay. One time, when she was not able to have her livestream, I suddenly felt so empty. I told Angela about it since she is my closest friend in the group. I told her to visit also the stream of "Jewel" so that she would also know her.

"Jewel" would usually have her stream every 11 pm until 1 am. And thinking about visiting her live stream again made me so excited. My friends were already asking me why suddenly I got interested about her. I just told them that it's because we have the same passion. But deep inside, I know it's not the real reason because most of the time, she occupies major thoughts in my mind. I told Angela about it, and she said it's a manifestation that I'm falling in love with her.

It's absurd, right? Falling in love with a person you do not know personally? I did not even know her face or even her name. I only heard her voice, but I felt a strange feeling, which is hard to explain.

One time, when she sent me a private message on that app, I felt very glad. She asked me why my profile picture was blurry. And I told her, I didn't want to reveal my face to everybody on the platform. But when she asked me if I could send her a vivid picture of myself, I was confused on what to do. So instead of sending her my real picture, I used another picture I took from the internet.

She complimented that I am handsome, and I feel guilty about it because it's not my real picture. But I don't want to reveal my face to her because she is not revealing herself as well.

That was our everyday routine, exchanging sweet messages with each other, sharing our favorite songs, and even sharing some of our personal information.

One time, when I heard her singing "Wildflower," I could feel how lonely she is. I felt the sadness in her voice. Though I did not see her face, I was so sure that time she was crying while singing the song. Angela and I asked her why she was so emotional, but she just responded, 'Nothing'. My heart was beating so fast that I wanted to comfort her and hug her tightly. After a while, she was asking us if we had a song request, and Angela requested "Mr. Kupido," "At My Worst," and "I Like You So Much and You'll Know It."

After singing those songs, I asked her if she could sing any of the songs of Michael Jackson. She sang, "One Day in Your Life." And wow! It really captivated my heart. She was too emotional while singing the song, and I felt she was crying. I was so carried away by the kind of emotion she put into the song that I could feel tears dripping from my eyes.

I really wanted to know her personally. I will find her wherever she is.