LOGINShe’s pushing a stroller, one of those expensive-looking ones with all the bells and whistles, and there’s a baby inside bundled up in a soft blue blanket.The woman passes us with a tired but genuine smile and I find myself turning to watch her go, watching the way she navigates the stroller over a crack in the sidewalk, the way she leans down to adjust the baby’s blanket even though it looks perfectly fine.That’s going to be me in a few months. Pushing a stroller, adjusting blankets, navigating the world with this tiny person who depends on me for everything.The thought should terrify me—and it does, a little—but there’s something else there too. Something that feels almost like anticipation.“You good?” Jeremy asks, following my gaze.“Yeah. Just—that’s going to be me soon. With the stroller and the baby and everything.”“Yeah. It is.”“Does that freak you out? Being around for all of that?”He’s quiet for a moment, considering. “No. Should it?”“I don’t know. Most guys would pro
The phone keeps ringing in my hand and I just stare at Reina’s name flashing across the screen, my thumb hovering over the answer button but not pressing it.I should pick up.She’s my best friend, she’s worried about me, she deserves to hear my voice and know I’m okay.But if I answer she’s going to ask questions—where I am, what I’ve been doing, why I’ve been so distant and I don’t know how to lie to her anymore, don’t know how to keep pretending everything’s fine when it’s so far from fine.The ringing stops.Silence fills the apartment.I set the phone down on the couch cushion beside me, screen facing down so I don’t have to see if she calls back.“I know that feeling,” Jeremy says quietly from his spot on the other end of the couch. “I felt it when Ryan called me that day, after he found out you were at the hospital. Wanting to answer but knowing it would just make everything more complicated.”I look at him and there’s understanding in his eyes, not judgment.“She’s going to th
The next morning we’re sitting in the waiting room at the hospital and my leg won’t stop bouncing, knee jumping up and down in this nervous tic I can’t control.Jeremy reaches over and rests his hand on my knee, gentle pressure that stills the movement.“Breathe,” he says quietly.“I’m breathing.”“You’re holding your breath. I can tell.”I let out the air I was holding and he squeezes my knee once before pulling his hand back.When they call my name we both stand and follow the nurse back to the exam room.Doctor Kent is already there, pulling up my file on her computer. “Camille, good to see you again. And Jeremy, right?”“Yeah,” he says, taking the chair beside the exam table.“Alright, let’s take a look at this baby.”She has me lie back and lifts my shirt, squirting the cold gel on my stomach that makes me flinch.Then she presses the ultrasound wand against my skin and the monitor flickers to life.For a few seconds there’s just static and blurry shapes and my heart is in my thr
I’m off the bed before I even realize I’m moving, phone clutched in my hand, every beat of my heart feels loud in my ears.Jeremy’s asleep on the couch and I need to show him this, need him to see what I just found, but I freeze halfway across the living room because waking him up feels selfish when he barely gets enough sleep as it is.I’m turning to go back to the bedroom when I hear the couch creak.“Cam?” His voice is rough, groggy. “What’s wrong?”“Nothing, I’m sorry, go back to sleep.”“You’re a terrible liar.” He sits up, rubbing his eyes. “What happened?”I hesitate, then walk over and sink down onto the couch beside him, holding out my phone.“Look at this. The photo from eight months ago. In the background.”He takes the phone and squints at the screen, zooming in on the image, and I watch his expression change as he spots what I’m talking about.“That’s Ryan,” he says quietly.“Sasha knows him. They’ve been to parties together. Which means—”“Which means she might recognize
At the far end of the aisle, looking at granola bars with a guy I don’t recognize, is Sasha.She hasn’t seen us yet but my whole body goes tense anyway.“What’s wrong?” Jeremy asks, following my line of sight.“Sasha’s here.”His expression shifts, becomes more alert.“Do you want to leave? We can come back another time.”Before I can answer, Sasha turns and her eyes land on us and her whole face lights up.“J! Hey!”She walks over with the guy trailing a few steps behind, and I force myself to smile even though every muscle in my body is screaming at me to run.“Fancy running into you here,” she says, then her gaze shifts to me. “Oh. Hey. You’re staying at J’s place, right?”“Yeah. Hi.”The guy with her is looking between us with mild curiosity but doesn’t say anything.Sasha’s eyes drop to our grocery cart and I watch her take inventory—the three jars of pickles, the ginger tea I grabbed without thinking, the crackers that are supposed to help with nausea.I notice her face tighten,
Weeks pass and we fall into something that feels almost like a routine.Mornings start the same way—I wake up to the smell of coffee brewing and wander out to find Jeremy already up, standing at the stove with two mugs waiting on the counter.He makes mine first, oat milk and honey measured out with the kind of carefulness that suggests he’s done this enough times now to have it memorized no matter how many times I complain, then pours his own black and hands me the one with the lighter color.“Morning,” he says, voice still rough with sleep.“Hey, morning.”We don’t talk much in those first few minutes, just exist in the same space while the caffeine kicks in and the day starts to feel real.I’ve shifted to working remotely—the bookstore manager was surprisingly understanding when I explained I needed to process online orders from home for a while, and it means I can stay in the apartment instead of being on my feet all day.Jeremy paints in the corner by the window, easel set up whe
I arrive at the café fifteen minutes early, which gives me time to pick a table by the window where I can see the street and also be seen.Jeremy’s across the road at a bookstore, standing near the front display with a paperback in his hands that I’m pretty sure he’s not actually reading.He catche
I draft and delete a dozen messages to Patricia before finally settling on something simple and sending it before I can overthink it more.‘Mrs. Hilary, I’d like to meet with you. Are you available for tea tomorrow morning?’Her response comes back in less than five minutes.‘Tomorrow at 10am. Bord
I wake up to sunlight cutting through the blinds and for a second I just lie there, trying to remember the last time I slept more than a few hours straight.Last night I kept drifting in and out, Ryan’s text playing on repeat in my head every time I started to relax, but eventually exhaustion won a
Jeremy stands and crosses to the door, looks through the peephole, and some of the tension leaves his shoulders.He opens it.A girl is standing there, maybe early twenties, holding a foil-covered plate and smiling bright enough to light up the dim hallway.“Hey, J! Mom went crazy with the pancakes







