Am I making myself clear?

- Silas -

I was sat alone in Father’s study. Anyone else would be upset to work through this beautiful weather, but I had plenty of things to get done, and Tristan certainly wasn’t going to help me do it.

I heard a cheerful humming and footsteps approaching.

“Good morning Father.”

“Silas, you’re up early. Haven’t you got anything better to do than help your old man?”

I don’t know why he insists on asking me such ridiculous questions. He knew the answer, so why bother?

“No. I want to get ahead of the ledgers before we collect the rents.”

“Yes, of course.”

He sounded disappointed.

Nothing I ever did was good enough. I worked hard, I was well behaved, and still I never earned his praise. Tristan on the other hand swanned in when he felt like it, and continued to fuel the rumour mill, embarrassing our family. And he was still the favourite son.

I shrugged off my discontent and returned my focus to the ledgers.

“Silas, may I speak with you?”

I bobbed my head and stood up, taking a seat opposite my Father’s desk. I looked at him expectantly, waiting further for instructions.

“How do you find Miss Felton?”

Ok, not what I was expecting.

“I find her well enough. I can see why you all like her so much. She seems well mannered and polite”

Father sighed, that wasn’t the response he was looking for.

“As you know I have been charged with finding her a husband. I will discuss the particulars with her later, and explain about your Mother and I. I won’t force her into anything that she’s not comfortable with.”

I nodded “No Father, I’m certain you won’t. You’re a very fair man.”

He smiled at me.

“However, I wouldn’t mind… in fact, I would quite like Miss Felton to be my daughter-in-law.”

Shit. A cold chill ran down my spine and I tensed on my chair.

“You refuse to discuss marriage with your Mother and I, and frankly we are concerned.”

“There’s no need for concern.”

“You work very hard to maintain my lands and estate, and I appreciate that. I’m very pleased that you have taken such an interest in what will one day be your inheritance. But there are other things to life Silas. I think a wife would soothe you. Starting a family would show you that-“

“There is no need for concern.” I repeated sternly.

We sat in silence for a moment staring at each other. I had made it clear that I had no interest in marriage many times.

Father sat forward, taking control of the conversation.

“I will put you forward to Miss Felton, you will court her, and if she chooses you, you will marry her and give her children. Am I making myself clear?”

I could feel my rage bubbling in my stomach, it was an emotion that I refused to let out. Not that I let many others out either.

I didn’t respond to him. I stood up, refusing to break eye contact.

“Excuse me Father. I need to speak to the gardeners, the hedge maze needs trimming before Spring fully comes.”

I bowed dutifully and turned towards the door taking long strides. As I exited the study I walked straight into Tristan.

“Good morning Brother! I was just coming to help you with the ledgers.”

“Don’t touch them.” I growled.

He looked confused, and raised his hands in surrender.

“As you wish.”

I barged past him and made my way towards the rear garden.

I had no interest whatsoever in Miss Felton. I’m sure she was a fine woman, but I didn’t want a wife, I don’t need one.

Miss Felton was incapable of making me happy, I knew that for certain. I also knew that I would make a terrible husband, and she didn’t deserve such a life.

It would bring nothing but pain to everyone involved, and I couldn’t bear that.

My parents may be concerned, and disappointed in me, but no one was more disappointed by the way I live my life than me.