Shock and Horror

- Silas -

The carriage was so bumpy on this bloody country road.

I was on my way home against my better judgement. I may be angry with Father, but missing our family dinner would upset Mother, and I couldn’t bear that. Regardless, it wasn’t proper to avoid a household meal when we had a new guest in the home.

As we entered the driveway I could feel my body tensing and buckling under the pressure. I looked over the grounds and could see Tristan laughing with the gardeners. He better not be going against my orders. They would certainly listen to him over me, he was far more pleasant. I didn’t give a fuck that people found me cold and unapproachable, as long as they knew I was dependable, that’s what mattered. Anyone can be the clown, but only a few can take charge of what needs to be done.

We pulled up to the front of the house and I hurried out of the carriage and up the stairs. I knew Mrs Crook would have seen me return and be straight on me as I entered.

I flung open the door and made my way to the stairs.

“Good evening Master Silas, dinner will be served in an hour. Can I bring you anything?”

I continued up the stairs with purpose. “Yes, thank you Mrs Crook, a wash basin.”

“Right away Sir.”

I entered my bedchamber and threw off my coat and began to unbutton my vest. It wasn’t long before there was a knock at the door.

“Here you go Master Silas. Dinner will be ser-“

I took the bowl and cut her off before shutting the door on her. “Yes, I heard. An hour.”

I put the bowl on the dresser and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was in a terrible state, my lips were swollen from kissing, and I stank of sweat.

I pulled my shirt over my head and to my shock and horror I had bruising along my collarbone and down my neck from the gentle biting of my skin.

I began to wash myself, but no amount of scrubbing could rid me of the shame and disgust I felt. I didn’t have time to properly bathe, so I would have to make do.

My obsessive cleaning continued until I was hunched over in front of the mirror naked. The most foul thing about my situation, was that I knew it would happen again. Not because I was being forced or coerced, but because I wanted to do it again.

I dabbed myself with cologne and found a new outfit to wear. I buttoned my shirt high and tied fabric around my neck to hide my injuries. I tied it so tightly that it began to crush my Adam’s apple, but I felt that it was what I deserved.

I froze as I held the doorknob ready to leave my room. I breathed deeply and straightened my back before forcing myself to walk through the door.

As I moved through the house I could hear female voices chattering. I had decided to find Mother, but as I walked towards the sitting room I came across Elodie and Miss Felton sat in a window bay giggling like lunatics.

“Brother! Are you coming to the ball on Saturday?”

Not if I could help it.

“I have no reason to go Elodie. Besides I have plenty to do.”

I turned my gaze to Miss Felton to greet her, but as we locked eyes she flinched. I can only assume that Father had put me forward as a potential husband. Clearly the thought filled her with terror. I didn’t want to embarrass her further, so I bowed and tried to walk away.

“Silas, wait.” Elodie called after me.

I reluctantly turned to face her, keeping my expression blank.

“What do you mean you don’t have a reason to go? Surely you could accompany Miss Felton.”

Miss Felton’s face was going red, and she was starting to shrink into the window. I refused to engage in teasing her.

“If Miss Felton wants my company, I’m sure she will ask for it. As a grown woman, I doubt she needs you to speak for her Elodie.”

Elodie’s pouting has never affected me, so I ignored it and continued to walk away.

I just had to get through dinner. Hopefully it would be as swift and painless as possible.