NINE

Zillion stepped out with a tired face, got out of his car and rolled up his shabby-looking shirt sleeves. The thirty-three year old man let out a small sigh as he glanced at the black clock on his wrist which had shown the half to ten. After he escorted Caroline back to her office safe, he decided to go back to the office and solve some of the problems caused by his employees who were unable to work. He had just drafted a proposal to win a government-owned tender that would cover some of the losses. Even though it is not much, at least it can help the company's finances which are quite shaken due to the careless actions of his employees.

"Good night, sir."

Zillion smiled a little at Charlotte who was always loyal to greet him. Gives a warm smile that soothes him and also makes him feel alone in the big house he lives in.

"Cassie is home?"

“Mrs. Cassie got home two hours ago, but then Mrs. Cassie went out with her friends to attend a party in Las Vegas. Mrs. Cassie said that she would be gone for two days."

"Oh, thanks Charlotte."

Zillion just walked into his room and left Charlotte alone with the concerned gaze directed at him. The woman in her late fifties seemed concerned about her master's condition, who looked lonely and also slumped because of his wife's stubborn and domineering nature that Zillion could do nothing to prevent his wife from doing whatever she pleases out there.

Meanwhile, Zillion looks upset because again he was left alone with a silence that really feels sick to him. He wanted to call Spencer over to his house, but it was obvious he couldn't because Spencer must be busy with his family.

Remembering about family, Zillion suddenly feels sad. He has always dreamed of having a happy and harmonious family, with many children in it. But because he married a model, this is the consequence that he must get. Isolated and feels lonely in his own home. After all, he was not an asshole who liked to spend his time having fun at bars.

For some reason, he has always preferred to spend his time at home to hang out with his father and mother. Maybe it was because his father was never seen having a good time at the bar either. Even though their family was rich and respected, they were not the kind of family who squandered their possessions to have fun with cheap women. As much as possible he wanted to be like his father, who until the end of his life only survived by loving one wife whom he married lovingly.

"Hello?"

Not getting any idea where, Zillion decided to contact his psychologist at the curfew that was supposed to be used for resting. The man actually knew it would be rude to call someone during recess. But he felt the need to consult to discuss the problem of loneliness that he was experiencing right now.

"Yes can I help you?"

The sound of such a soft formal greeting rang in Zillion's sense of hearing and made the man smile at once. Without wasting a chance, Zillion immediately greeted the woman and asked her to provide advice on his troubles that have been bothering him lately.

"Hi, do you still remember me? I have a problem, can you give me advice?"

With a smile spreading across his face, Zillion walked to the balcony and leaned against the railing of the balcony while listening to every word Caroline said on his cell phone.

“Zillion Malloy? What are you calling me on nights like this? I thought you were one of my clients with serious problems. I shouldn’t have picked up a call from you," snorted Caroline on the other end of the line.

Zillion chuckled with amusement as he listened to Caroline's angry tone as he imagined what the ruffled woman's face would look like if he could actually see her.

“I am your client and I also have serious problems. Remember, you still owe me a lot because the advice you gave has not been proven to solve my problem."

"All right, now tell me what happened to you?"

"I am so lonely."

"Then?"

"Then? Then you have to find a solution to my problem! Do you think I called you just to hear you say then?" replied Zillion sarcastic.

Caroline almost threw her cellphone away from her ear because she was annoyed by Zillion's annoying attitude again after she had been able to be nice enough in front of him.

“If you don't want to be lonely, then find a job that can keep you busy. Why do you have to bother me just because of a simple problem like that. There are still many things that are more important than your loneliness problem Mr. Malloy, so I beg you, don't call me if you are not really pressed."

“So you think my problem is a minor one? Just so you know, Miss Chauffer, the simple problem is the root of the big problem. So be professional and immediately find a solution to my problem."

Zillion watched the line of stars shining in the Chicago sky quietly as he waited for Caroline to advise him. But while waiting for the woman to voice her voice, he could faintly hear the whining of a child coming from his voice call with Caroline.

"Are you with your child?"

“My daughter asked me to accompany her to brush her teeth. So maybe I will take a while to answer your troublesome question. "

"Tsk, hurry up! I do not have much time."

"Then just look for another psychologist. I also have a private life to take care of. Why am I this unlucky, met a very grumpy annoying client," said Caroline exasperatedly on the other end of the phone.

Zillion was eager to burst out laughing at Caroline's exasperated string of words. He realized that his attitude lately was really annoying, but somehow he felt quite comforted when he did that. Pissing off other people turns out to be really fun for him.

"Then tell me, what do you do whenever you feel lonely?"

"Me? I never feel lonely because I have an adorable daughter at home. Besides, I never had the chance to feel lonely because I had too much work to do."

"Then you are really lucky,” muttered Zillion. The only thing he doesn't have in this world is family. If he can exchange his wealth with a family, then he is willing to do it without having to think twice.

“Have you tried relaxation? Maybe it's just the effect of your mind being messed up."

"How to?" asked Zillion curiously. The man then turned from his position facing the sky to lean on the railing of the balcony which was quite high behind him. The night breeze was not so cold as if he was giving a soft caress to the ends of his hair, which had been moving rhythmically to and fro.

“You can start by closing your eyes and doing breathing exercises. Use your imagination to imagine something soothing like a green meadow or a beautiful lonely beach scene."

Zillion subconsciously followed the instructions given by Caroline and began to close his eyes peacefully. His brain then tries to think of fun things that can reduce the annoying feelings he has been feeling lately. Then a flash of his marriage to Cassie four years ago appeared.

In his head he saw himself four years ago, very happy and filled with love from his entire family. But slowly the beautiful image was replaced by a sad image as one by one his family left him until in the end he only left himself, who was standing confusedly in the middle of the arid meadow. Instantly he opened his eyes, he felt a pounding sensation that suddenly penetrated his heart. Just now he saw the greatest fear in him. He was afraid of being abandoned.

"Hello? Zillion Malloy? Are you still there? Mr. Malloy?"

"Yes, I'm still here." Zillion replied quickly. The man was still looking shocked by what he had imagined beforehand and he tried to normalize his feelings by inhaling as much of the night air as possible which did not help to reduce his sudden panic attack.

"I— seem to have some serious anxiety disorder."

"What are you feeling right now? Tell me, please? "

"I—"

Zillion paused for a moment. He tried to arrange a long series of stories that he wanted to tell Caroline. But then he hesitated to tell it, even more so after hearing the sound of a small child on the other side.

Mommy... let's accompany Aleyna to sleep. Aleyna wants Mommy to read a fairy tale to Aleyna.

Yes, wait a moment dear, Mommy is calling someone. Go to your room first, mommy will be there soon.

Mommy— com on...

"Miss Chauffer?"

"Yes, I still listen to you Mr. Malloy. Forgive me, my daughter is whining."

 Zillion took a deep breath and he had made up his mind to tell her a little of his problems tonight so that at least he could sleep well.

“I was just imagining my family slowly leaving me. I feel lonely Caroline, and I hate the feeling of abandonment that is haunting me right now."

Zillion sounded frustrated. Caroline winced in surprise behind her cellphone while imagining the face of her client who turned out to have quite a complicated problem. Everyone does not like to live alone, and neither does she. Luckily she has Aleyna who can accompany her solitude. She could not imagine how messed up Zillion would be with his fear which must be so, so disturbing.

"Actually, you need further assessment in my office, Mr. Malloy. But for now try to relax while imagining the fun things you have in your memory. I'm sure, as long as you live you must have at least one pleasant memory that you really keep in your memory, right? "

"Hmm, but it feels difficult. It's easy for you to say that, because you've never experienced what I've ever experienced."

Caroline suddenly became annoyed with Zillion's attitude, which sounded cynical again after the man was able to act normally before. After all, what the man said about herself was wrong. She has even experienced that feeling many times in recent years. But the great thing is that she is able to solve the problem by herself in the midst of various client problems that also pile up in her brain.

“I am also a human being, and every human being has problems. Maybe I have never really felt what you feel because we are two different individuals, but believe me, all this time I have also experienced feelings of fear of being left and living alone.

“In this world sometimes there is not enough wealth to buy everything. We can't buy happiness, we can't exchange sadness for our possessions, and we can't just be happy over a treasure. But we can create happiness. So if you want to get away from your fear you have to create a happiness in your heart so that you can replace that uneasy feeling with a better feeling of comfort. I guess that's all I can give you for now. Do you have any other questions?"

Zillion tries to contemplate every word Caroline has said to him. It was true that he couldn't buy happiness with all the money he had made so far. Money feels meaningless when he is in need of happiness like now. Even the money could not make his wife quit her job as a model. So what was he actually looking for money for? Collect it, to pile up in bank vaults scattered in various countries. A big question just appeared in his heart to make his head dizzy. Tonight it seemed like he was really not going to sleep well. Tonight he will sleep with various nightmares that he created himself in his head.

"Darling...."

Zillion gasped in surprise and immediately looked back when a hand suddenly wrapped around his neck. The man's reflex turned around and smiled at Cassie who was staring at him with her spoiled gaze.

"Are you home?"

The cliché question that he shouldn't be asking just came out of his lips to just open a conversation with his wife. For a moment he forgot that he was currently connected to Caroline. However, when he was about to end his call with his psychologist, the woman had already turned it off and left him with a bad feeling that was building up in his heart.

"Who are you calling?"

“An old friend. How was your work today? Aren't you going to Vegas for two days?" Zillion asked while glancing at his watch which had shown half to eleven. He didn't realize he'd spent about an hour talking to Caroline. And he was quite grateful because it turned out that she was able to comfort him a little in the midst of the fear he created.

"No, I canceled it. And my work today is very tiring. I met my old friend, Theresia. You know, she's Rein's wife. Besides that I also met their sweet son, that little boy is very different from the son of your best friend, Spencer, who is very naughty." Cassie's sneer feeling disdain to that boy.

“Why are you still annoyed with Mark, he's just a kid. After all he didn't do anything really damaging, just a scrawl on the wall."

He didn't know why Cassie seemed to hate Mark so much, whereas with the other kids she looked normal, and tended to like them.

"Zillion— do you really want to have children?" asked Cassie spoiled as she put her hand on Zillion's shoulder.

The shoulder-length haired woman then leaned her head comfortably on the chest surface of the Zillion field while listening to every beat of Zillion's heart that sounded beautiful to her.

"You think? Our marriage is already four years old, and I really want to have children to continue my business empire. Should I wait any longer?" Zillion asked sounding eager.

Cassie nodded faintly behind his broad chest while hugging Zillion tightly. She actually didn't want to disappoint her husband too deeply because of her decision. But this time she really hoped Zillion would wait for her for a few more years.

"Wait a minute, I promise to give you offspring. I'm currently trying to pursue my dream before I decided to take a hiatus and just focus on our family."

“You don't know if I have a limit to my patience? Don't get over Cassie, because I might never give you a second chance," Zillion replied sharply while releasing Cassie's hand from his body.

Cassie stared at Zillion's back as he slowly walked away from her. Somehow she is now afraid of Zillion's attitude which has turned tougher than before. The man was blatantly threatening her, and the threats this time sounded like no joke. Tonight he doesn't look like the Zillion she knew and married four years ago. Someone must have done something to him.

“Spencer! Yes, it must be that man who influenced Zillion to act like this to me. I won't stay silent if something bad happens to my household," muttered Cassie irritatedly as she glared at the door Zillion had just closed.