A boosted confidence

Ashley’s POV

For several days after I receive that call, I’m unable to sleep well, or even focus, because of my conflicted feelings. The offer is indeed tempting and mouthwatering. It's the offer of a lifetime, and in fact, it’s the breakthrough I’ve been waiting for all my life.

I'll be a big fool to let it pass me by without trying, but then, I can't help but wonder if it's worth destroying my mental health and reliving some of the darkest moments of my life?

The whole point of going for the competition is to win it, in which case, I'll have to live and work there, which would increase my chances of running into some people from my past ... people who wronged and hurt me so badly, and would no doubt do it again if given the chance.

What if I don’t survive the heartbreak and pain this time around?  I don’t know the answer to all these questions that are plaguing me, so in the end, I have no choice but to confide in my best friend, Janet.

“What do you mean you're scared to go back there? Do you know how many fashion designers would kill for the opportunity that you have, and I'm not just talking about regular fashion designers? I'm talking about ones who have already made a name for themselves. You were among the lucky few who were chosen from hundreds of fashion designers in the country, for crying out loud!” Janet, my best friend, asks me a few days later, stupefied.

I have just worked up the courage to tell her that I'm not as excited to attend the fashion event as I should be, and in fact I’m downright scared. She isn’t having it, though.

“I know, and I feel lucky, but that place holds nothing but bad memories for me …” I trail off, my eyes staring off into nothingness as I remember people and events that I wish I could erase from my memory.

“Okay, I can understand that, and how it would make you not want to set foot there, but then, you're going to create new memories there once you ...”

“Besides, what's the guarantee that I'm going to win the prize anyway? What if all this excitement turns out to be for nothing? There are so many people who are better than I am. Maybe I just got lucky, or the people who selected us didn’t check well when they went through the application you submitted for me.”

“You and I both know that that isn’t true. I know you're scared, but you don’t have to be. All you need to do is try, and if you don't win, then you will know that at least you gave it a shot.”

“That’s not what I'm scared about. You know what I'm scared of. What if I run into him? He lives there. I know he still does. What if somehow, I run into him? I know the chances are slim, but they’re still there. He knows a lot about the fashion business. What if somehow, he attends the program or something and sees me there? I'm not ready to face him again. I just am not ready, and I never will be.” I tell Janet, my voice trembling with the pain of betrayal.

Suddenly, understanding, as well as pity, dawns in her eyes, and she swallows whatever words she had been about to say. The two of us are quiet for several minutes, while I get myself together. Finally, she clears her throat and speaks.

“Ashley, listen to me. I will not sit by and watch you allow that traitorous son of a bitch rob you of the opportunity of a lifetime. He has already robbed you of your dignity, he robbed you of a year of your life, and he robbed you of your confidence. I won't let him take this away from you as well.”

“You don’t understand, Janet. It’s not just him. I know many people from back there, and I don’t think I’m ready to face any of them yet.”

“That’s why I’ll be going with you. You’re not going to be alone. I’d like to see any of them, especially that asshole, try anything funny. Before they get to you, they’ll have to go through me first, and you know I'm not an easy barrier to penetrate. It’s been five whole years, my dear friend. That’s a lot of time that has passed, and a whole lot of things have changed. The chances that anyone would recognize you are slim to none, so there’s no need to worry. Anyway, the bottom line of this conversation is that you're going to go to the event, submit your work, and then we’ll take it from there. I won't take no for an answer.” Janet tells me, her tone brooking no argument.

She sounds like a mother hen protecting her chick, and I won't lie, her bravado reassures me somewhat, but still, I’m scared shitless of going back to my former city.

Back there, I loved hard, sacrificed a lot, and was betrayed mercilessly for my efforts. Something about this whole going back there business keeps bothering me.

I have this sense of déjà vu that has refused to leave me ever since I found out where the event is going to take place. Nonetheless, I try my best to get myself together and put my heart and soul into making the costumes that I'm going to send in for the competition.

If I'm going to take a bold step to show my face in that city and risk running into those who hurt me in the past, then I had better make sure that I do my best to win the competition and restore some prestige to myself, so they'll know that they aren't dealing with the same old Ashley.

By the time I finish making the costumes, just in time for the event, they're so beautiful and unique that even I can’t believe that I made something that good. Aurora and Janet ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my creations, as they always do, and I feel confident enough to showcase my works at the contest.

So, it is in somewhat high spirits that I leave for the event with them to stand a chance to win the prize money, and also gain immediate employment in the most reputable fashion house in the country. Little do I realize how this move is both going to shock me and change my life in ways that I never expected.