KARINAHave you ever felt like it’s so difficult to fall asleep because there is so much anger boiling inside of you?Yeah, that’s me right now.It’s always been me since my best friend left and doesn’t seem like the Anastasia I used to know. She’s been sounding so savage lately and so cold.I get that pain can cause a lot of damage to one’s attitude, and I think that’s what is happening to her. She told me she blocked Denver, and I didn’t even think it twice before blocking him too.It’s all his fucking fault that Anastasia is going through this difficulty, this pain that she can't heal from. She’s so heartbroken that she doesn’t know how to fix herself; she doesn’t know how to pick up the pieces and mend them. She doesn’t let me help her either.She claims to be fine; she says she’s starting afresh in the UK and she will do just fine. But I can tell it’s a lie; her voice is different as well as her tone.Everything has been keeping me awake and worrying about her. I can’t go to the U
ANASTASIA I would be stupid if I said I wasn’t hurting. It’s been over a week since it happened, but I will never be the same again, not when I can’t erase my memories. How am I supposed to forget it like it never happened?No matter what I try, I can’t seem to forget it or what schemes I attempt to indulge in; I can’t take him off my mind, even though thinking about him hurts like hell.His name and thoughts always pop up in my head, literally unexpectedly. How can I stop thinking about him when it’s bedtime? Or when I’m about to take a bite of my meal or take a sip of my milkshake?Fuck, my world has been so entangled with him that it’s so difficult to disentangle myself.Or how the bloody fuck do I delete moments of him from my head? He’s the first person I think of when I wake up, and the freaking last person I think of when I shut these pretty eyes of mine.I know I should stop thinking about him, but I feel like I need closure to move on. I need answers to why he did those thing
DENVER She needs me. She could be angry and hate me to the core, but my Ana needs me. I know her better than anyone else, and I’m well aware that she’s been having sleepless nights.I knew shit was hitting the fan when I couldn’t perceive her chocolate fragrance on her anymore. It only means one thing: that she’s not been taking her milkshake since she left New York, and that’s a fucking record. If she stopped taking something she's been obsessed with, then it's the scariest shit ever.The way she looked, the way her eyes lost the shine and brightness—the real Anastasia is almost gone. I can’t let that happen; I can’t do that, so I asked her close friend to go after her as soon as she ran angrily from the bar.That wasn't Ana. That was pain talking. It was the first time I had seen her that mad. I don't ever want to see that part again.Even though she doesn’t want me to go after her, there are several other ways I could use to save my Ana.Pacing about in front of the apartment wher
ANASTASIAThe pain of being constantly ignored and getting less attention from your lover is no different from slitting your wrist.I remained in my car, staring at the entrance of his house and the text messages we had a few hours ago. I love Ben, and I will do anything for our relationship to be better again.We used to be so much in love, but lately it seems like he loathes me. His eyes have gone totally empty whenever he stares at me. Bennett used to stare at me with so much love that I could see it burning in his eyes, but not anymore.I have been wondering what went wrong. What I did wrong.My brain has been hurting because I’ve been trying to think of what could have gone wrong, but nothing. I’ve been trying not to think too much because Karina, my only close friend said I have seizures whenever my brain is overworked, and I wouldn’t want to have any of that, but Bennett's silence has been making me lose it. I had been good to him since I met him.I’ve been loving towards him,
DENVERI use my hand to slam the door once she is out of the house. She’s already seen me naked, and I couldn’t stand to watch her see me getting hard.I shouldn’t get turned on because it was an incident. She came to find Bennett but happened not to see him.I shouldn’t even give it a second thought about what just happened a while ago, but the way she stared at me got me fucking turned on, and I started to imagine things that I was supposed not to ever think of.She is my son’s girlfriend, and that isn’t even much trouble. I am twenty years older than her, which should be the trouble.Why didn’t I know when she arrived? I didn’t know, and that was my fault. Plus, I ought to have stopped walking around the house naked all the time.It’s a bad habit for me. I do this when I’m alone and enjoying my music. It’s a sign of peace of mind when Bennett and his mom are away from home.I charge into the shower to take a bath, but I can’t get rid of her words from my head and the way she kept s
ANASTASIAIf it was so easy to wipe my memories of last night, I will do it again.I got heartbroken by his son and got dumbstruck, frozen, and my thighs shamelessly clenched by him. I can’t stop thinking about his whole expression yesterday and the way he watched me look at his body curves and the huge thing he has in between his legs.I was fucking daring; I knew it. Maybe it was the pain, but strangely, I still do not regret saying those words to him, even though he thinks I’ve gotten mad.Karina is beside me, sitting around a table where we get all sorts of coffee and stuff. She has been talking for over thirty minutes, and I haven’t really heard a single thing she has been saying.I nod, and, uh, so she doesn’t get pissed for letting her talk go to waste. Talking is one of the major things we don’t have in common. I’m reserved and a good listener, but Karina is the opposite of that.I knew she had been talking about Bennett, but I really didn’t get a thing from what she said beca
ANASTASIAEven though I’ve never met my parents, I was sure as hell that I had their genes. And the one I will forever be proud of is picking myself back up after being bruised and broken.I was the type of trash that could easily be recycled. I picked myself back up and headed to the bar for some alcohol.I couldn’t go back home. I didn’t want to be lonely when my heart was dying; I wouldn’t be able to breathe.I needed to stay outside where I could get enough air and probably drink off my sorrows. I recently started liking alcohol since Bennett started acting up.I’ve always thought alcohol was useless, but I recently figured out that it isn’t all that useless. It can stop you from feeling pain and take you to a different realm, and that was just what I needed.I drank until I began to throw up. I thought I wouldn’t be able to get up from the seat, but I was surprised at how I was able to walk and even drive.Speaking of drive, I should never have thought of coming here again. It’s
DENVERI’ve never seen a girl with such boldness. She falls asleep in Bennett’s room, and I stay for a while watching her sleep.She curls up herself in bed and pulls her knees up her chest. Even in her sleep, she looks so adorable, like a doll.She said she isn’t a little girl, but she curls and rolls up like one and has attempted to fall forward a couple of times, but I place a finger on her forehead and push her backwards so she doesn’t hit the ground. It’s light contact, only a damn finger, and yet it feels like my body has caught fire, and the flame doesn’t cease to extend through my entire body.I take a pillow from the other side of the bed and drop it in front of her so she doesn’t roll off to the ground when I’m out of the room.It looks like Bennett isn’t going to come home tonight; that’s why I took her to his room. I would have preferred the visitor room, but it would be too cold for her, especially with the way she is curling up. I can tell how vulnerable she is to the co