CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX

NOLAN POV

I rose from my desk and grabbed my coat. "And what about the stepmother? What did she want?"

Mandy had an expression on her face that suggested she thought the stepmother was no good. I had a sinking feeling she'd given Gwen a similar expression. "We didn't get that far. She did say something about making you pay, but it's not like you haven't heard that before."

She wasn't wrong. Mandy had said it plenty of times. And before I figured out how to read women when looking for a no-strings-attached hookup, a few had hunted me down, angry at my dumping them and threatening to make me pay.

I wasn’t worried about the stepmom. My concern was that Gwen had come to visit me. I left my office and sped like a demon over to Gwen’s house. When I banged on the door, I realized I needed to take a calming breath. I didn't need her thinking that I was showing up as Mr. Douglas again.

She opened the door, and her expression reminded me of April in the height of her teenage years, her hand on her hip and a large eye roll. "Why are you here?"

"Did you try to see me at my office?"

She blinked, her expression immediately changing to suspicion. "Why?"

Annoyance took root, but I did my best to rein it in. "Why do you have to fight me on every little thing? It’s just a question.”

She blew out a breath. "Yes."

"Was it to tell me about the baby?"

She glanced out the door, and I turned to where she was looking. A neighbor who was walking from their car to the house was looking over in our direction.

She stood back, opening the door. "I don't need any more gossip about me from the neighborhood."

Inwardly thanking the neighbor, I entered the house. It appeared that she intended for us to stay in the entryway, but I made my way to the living room, taking a seat on the couch.

With weary eyes, she followed me but remained standing with her arms crossed.

"Were you there to tell me about the baby? I asked again.

"Yes. But your secretary wouldn't let me see you. She told me you weren't there, but I know you were."

I frowned because Mandy told me I hadn't been there either. "Didn't you leave your name or a message?"

"She threatened to call security if I didn't leave. She told me if I wanted to join the gym, I should do that, but not to bother an important person like Nolan Douglas. She looked at me like I was a fat slob, and how dare I try to see you?"

I closed my eyes, rethinking the benefit of having Connie as my admin.

I stood and walked toward Gwen, but as I got close, she put her arms out in front of her and stepped back to block me.

"I'm sorry, Gwen. I had no idea that you came by."

"I guess you should give your secretary a raise since she's able to keep people away, even when you're there."

I shrugged, not sure how to explain the situation. "It's quite possible I wasn't there. I divide my time between two businesses."

She crossed her arms again. "I saw April go up and wait. After fifteen minutes, she didn't leave. That tells me you were there."

I shook my head. "Not necessarily. I often arrive at my office to find April waiting for me. But that's not really the point. My admin might've been rude—"

She arched her brow. "Might've?"

I huffed out a breath to keep from snapping. "Let's say that she was. But I wasn't. If I'd known that you were there, I would've seen you."

She shook her head, her expression telling me she didn't believe me. "You wouldn't. The last time I saw you before then, you told me to stay the fuck away from you."

For a moment, I didn't say anything because what could I say? "I immediately regretted that not just because it was hurtful, but because it wasn't true.” I looked down in shame and disgust with myself. I finally met her gaze again. "But you had no way of knowing that, so I understand that you don’t believe me." I took a chance, reaching my hand out, wanting to run my finger down her cheek.

She tilted her head away, wrapping her fingers around my wrist to keep me from touching her. I tugged my hand enough that I could slide it out from her fingers and instead clasped them just like I had at the doctor’s appointment.

She stared up at me with wary eyes. "What are you doing?"

I watched her, willing her to see that I wasn't a monster even though I knew it still resided in me. "Do you still hate me?"

Tears swam in her eyes, and while I didn't want to see her cry, it gave me hope that maybe she was changing her mind even though she didn't want to. "Yes." Her lips quivered when she spoke.

"Someday, I hope you won't." I brought her hand to my lips, giving it a kiss, all the while wishing I could hold her and kiss her more thoroughly. But I still didn't have the right. Then I left.

As I drove home, I realized I had forgotten to ask about her stepmom. I decided it wasn't important. If the woman tried to approach me again, then I would figure out what to do about it. Instead, I focused on the news that Gwen had tried to see me. I replayed my visit with her, wondering if I was being a fool to think that while her words and wariness told me to stay away, there were glimpses that she would be able to forgive me. Maybe I needed to lay it all out on the line. Maybe I needed to tell her that what I wanted was her in my life. Her and the baby.

But all I could imagine that she would do would be to laugh at me or tell me in no uncertain terms that she would never, ever stop hating me. I wasn't ready to hear that. I couldn’t give up on having something that I had long ago given up thinking I could ever have.