CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE

GWEN POV

I didn’t hear from him or April for a few days, and I thought that perhaps he’d finally gotten the message. When he’d left the night I’d let him touch me, he looked so defeated that I felt sure he had given up. I told myself that it was a good thing. But deep down, my heart ached. His giving up was not what I really wanted. What I really wanted was the sweet, kind, gentle man he was showing himself to be. And yet, I still couldn't fully trust him to control his darker side.

 A few days later, I learned that April had been picked up by the cops high on drugs and alcohol. I remembered Nolan was so concerned that he wasn’t a good father. I could only imagine this made it worse.

  April minimized the situation. She chalked it up to not paying attention like she should to her surroundings.

 “Someone put drugs in your drink, April. Maybe it's your friends, not your surroundings.”

 “It will be fine, Gweneth.” While April made the whole thing to be no big deal, she did refocus on finishing school and ended things with Cole. I took that as a good sign. Nolan must have too as he started showing up again. I had to hand it to Nolan. The guy was persistent and patient.

 He showed up wanting to play Trivial Pursuit. Another time, he came by during the day with a picnic basket, taking me to lunch in the park. Every other day, sometimes everyday, he showed up. While there were a few more stolen kisses, there was no more sex, and to be honest, that was frustrating because all of a sudden, my libido had cranked up one thousand percent.

  Tonight, he took me to an art gallery. It was after hours, but he had been able to get us in, and we took our time as we checked out the exhibits. We reached an artist that I recognized had done the piece hanging in my bedroom.

      When we stopped at a piece of art, we talked about it. Well, mostly, he'd ask a question and then I'd prattle on like a know-it-all. But he seemed to like that.

      Afterward, he took me to dinner in a quiet, secluded restaurant where it felt like we were the only two people in the world. As the dinner ended, I realized that I was precariously close to losing my ability to keep from loving him.

He reached across the table, taking my hand. "Over the weekend, I need to go up to the cabin to check things out and get it ready for summer."

      I sat across the table feeling warm and safe as I stared into his eyes.

      "I was hoping you'd come with me."

      I blinked, not expecting his invitation.

      As if he expected me to retreat, he held my hand tighter. "We don't have to do anything, except perhaps you could beat me at Trivial Pursuit. And of course, there won’t be peppermint liquor in the hot chocolate. But it could be nice. We haven't done a lot of talking about the baby."

      I frowned. "This is about the baby?" Disappointment filled me. I thought he was making a move to tell me he loved me, but it was all about the baby.

      "Is that wrong?” he asked.

      This time, I tugged my hand back, telling myself I was such an idiot. "No, but we don't have to go out of town to do that. We could do it here."

  He rose, moving his chair closer to me as he sat down facing me. One of his hands pushed the hair away from my face as his other hand rested on my forearm. "I know we could do it anywhere. But I want to do it there. I want to spend some time with you. Away from everything."

      "What about April?"

      "I told her I would take her up there after graduation. With things between her and Cole being over, finally, thank fuck, she's back to studying and recommitting to her future. That's her effort, not me making her do it."

 I nodded, knowing it was true. She had been in touch with me a lot more. I'd hoped that she'd realize Cole wasn’t good for her. At the same time, I knew the breakup was hard on her.

      “So. Will you come?

      I wanted to tell him no, but as I looked into his green eyes, I couldn’t form the word. “Okay."

      His fingers brushed my cheek. "Are you doing this only for the baby?"

  I was confused about why he was repeating my thoughts back to me.

      I hesitated to answer, and he reached out, pressing a finger over my lips. "No, don't tell me. It's enough that you said yes. "

 And that's how on Friday afternoon, a few days later, I was beside him in his car as we drove back out to the cabin. As we approached it, bittersweet feelings filled me. This place was where I had fallen in love for the first time. I mean really fallen in love. Not a little crush or infatuation. But it had gone so horribly wrong.

 We entered the cabin, and I wondered why he needed to come. It felt fresh and ready for summer fun.

      "I had the guy who keeps up on the place come earlier in the week to make sure we had food, and everything was aired out. But I do need to check on a few things before we settle in."

I nodded. "I can make dinner if you'd like."

      He shook his head. "I'm making dinner. This is a respite for you."

      "Well, I won’t argue with that."

      I don't know if it was being at the cabin or maybe the fact that over the last few weeks, I was softening to him, but as the evening wore on, the animosity and the desire to keep Nolan away were practically nonexistent. Only the fear still remained. But even that was dissipating.

 After dinner, he made hot chocolate, and he sat on the couch while I lay in front of the fire enjoying the warmth. My hands rested on my belly, where I noted that it was finally starting to protrude. Movement under my hand caught my attention. Was that my stomach growling? It happened again, and I realized that it was the baby.

      "Oh, my God."

 Nolan was off the couch and by my side in an instant. "Is something wrong? Fuck, where’s my phone? I’ll call 9-1-1."

I let out a giddy laugh as I grabbed his hand. "No, everything's fine. It's the baby. I think I can feel the baby." I pressed his hand over my belly, and for long moments, we waited. I began to wonder if I'd imagined it. But then it was there again.

 Nolan’s eyes shot to mine, filling with tears. "Holy shit." He leaned over, his lips pressing to mine in a kiss that was so intense, so emotional that I had no other choice but to respond.

But then he pulled away before muttering the words I never expected. “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry!” 

My hormones fired up hot and needy. I tugged him over me, wanting to immerse myself in him before kissing him again. “I want you.”

He groaned as his hands roamed. “I’ll take care of you.”

      “No. I want you in me.”

 He stopped touching, forcing a whimper from me. “What about the baby? About your condition?”

      “It’s fine. The doctor said sex was okay.”

      His fingers brushed my cheeks. “Are you sure, Gwen? I don’t want to hurt you.”

      I pushed him back, straddling him. “You’re the one who will be hurt if I don’t feel you in me.”

      He laughed. “Well, alright, then.”

      With love and laughter, we undressed. Once naked, the mood turned slow and seductive. Nolan’s lips kissed me everywhere, followed by the caress of his fingers until all my nerves were humming with need.

      “Nolan.” I reached for him.

      “I would always prefer Alpha daddy.” He maneuvered me over him again. “Take what you need, Gwen. Whatever you want, take it from me.”

I ran my hand down his chest, desperately wanting to tell him I wanted his love. I was certain he cared for me, but love? I couldn’t be sure. This could just be friends with benefits. Or maybe coparents with benefits.