Night before wedding, I don't know why and whose, but I attended. It was one of Jacob's family members. Jacob and I were off and on dating. I saw him standing across me and my pulse quickened, my mouth went dry and I was giddy. It was that feeling I always got when I saw him. A feeling of longing. A feeling of wanting. Music started to play and a love song came on. Couples took to the floor, holding each other tightly and dancing closely. Jacob walked towards me, my head felt light as I watched him get closer. He approached and with one swift motion he grabbed my friend next to me and led her to the dance floor. My heart felt as if it had burst. My heart cried in pain as I watched them dance closely together. His family members looked at me, synical grins on their faces, as if I was a joke. I felt so embarrassed but I couldn't do anything about it except stand their like a wounded animal. I forced a smile on my face trying to hide the pain I felt within. My heart yet again ha

It was hard to go back and feel what she felt then. Somehow it felt more painful now. It felt as if those scars never healed.2008 continued.As I lay on my seat thinking about the times I went on a date with Jacob, I could only count two. Two whole dates where we just went the cinema, watched a movie and had lunch.After those two dates, we went to a cheap hotel to have sex.That's all we did throughout the year until the day I married him.That should have been a red flag but as usual, my heart betrayed me. My heart let me get used to being treated this way.As I waited one afternoon for my mum, Jacob approached me. He used to live across the road. After a small argument he swung his arms frantically trying to make contact with my face. I dodged it, but the anger in his voice made me shudder.It was another red flag.2009January thirty first I moved out with Jacob to a small one bedroom basement. It was so amazing at first. We both woke up around the same time, had a shower, change

The week flew by and before I knew it, my appointment was here.The entire week, Jacob droned on and on about having a baby while all I felt was a wave of mixed emotions. By now I had to disclose to my boss about my pregnancy and half of work already knew. I was at a society pleaser and I always worried about what people would say.Although I knew I was not ready, and sure as hell, Jacob was not ready even though he seemed excited, I knew this was something that needed a responsible man. Jacob was far from responsible. He always seemed to be leaving me to have these so called boys nights out, or partying with friends. There were days where I just didn't know where he was or if he was coming home. I would just wake up panicked because we would go to bed together but a few hours later I wake up alone in bed.I had changed my mind on the T. O. P.I decided to have the baby.I hated the morning sickness. I was weak and drained. Jacob was not much of a help. He took out a loan and purchase

I did not sleep.I heard this man snoring for two hours straight.I went into the shower, checking that I was alright. No signs of any blood, I rubbed my tummy as I took a shower.My back ached and my head was still sore but it was my brother's wedding. I had to wear my prettiest smile and pretend that nothing happened last night.I changed into a pants and shirt, carrying my outfit with me. It was a four hour drive and we needed to leave soon.I woke Jacob up. He groaned and layed in bed. He looked at me and went back to sleep.I sat and begged him to wake up.He swore at me and I retreated.I made a cup of coffee and waited in the lounge.Half an hour later he gets into the shower. It was almost six o clock and the wedding starts at ten.I was scared to rush him, so I sat silently like a visitor on the couch.We left at six to fetch his mother.As soon as she looked at him, she asked about the scratches on his face.Immediately he lied. He said that the car had a problem and when he

You would think that a man would devote all his time to his pregnant wife. I would think so, but this was not true.He spent more time with his work friends than he did with me.I would cook and clean, be a s** slave for him only to get infections from his dirty d***.Soon it was the day our precious baby boy would come into the world.I was excited.By the third trimester I was exhausted but happy to receive such a gift.I delivered a health 3.1kg baby boy.Jacob was ecstatic.He was so ecstatic that after the delivery he went home.He decided to work that night instead of spending it with me during visiting hours.I was lonely, while all the other moms received gifts, family and friends visiting them. I sat alone with my baby.Some friends visited me that afternoon but Jacob was a no show.He had brought his mother and mine earlier that day.He picked us up and took me to my parents home two days later.Although I was tired and weak, I cleaned up and looked after my baby. It was two