AMBROSE My head just went numb for a fleeting moment not wanting to believe what’s going on in front of me. I felt a certain pang right on my chest. I don’t know what to make of the debauchery that just welcomed me. Do I want to yell and shout and make a whole scene? Do I want to run straight towards August and grab him by the collar of his shirt? Do I want to explode? Anger was definitely trying to grow some roots inside of me but I’m just trying to stay as calm as possible. Rachel’s eyes were closed and she looked like she’s been waiting for this lustful romantic moment ever since August became her boyfriend. It’s very clear to my eyes that they were doing something magical and I didn’t even want to think about it. I felt my knees grow weaker and they were about crumble but I just knew I couldn’t break down right now. I just knew that

AMBROSE     I know myself and I know for a fact that I don’t cry, not because crying is for the weak but because I like to think that I’m tough enough and that I can take a lot of things without resulting to a pitiful break down. However, after how everything had piled up unexpectedly, tonight’s going to be a whole different story for me. Tears just began cascading down on my cheeks giving me this notion that I’ve reached my limit. I don’t even know I have a limit in the first place, but tonight was a ballooning testament that I can only take certain things at once.   My chest felt heavier than usual and I feel like I can’t breathe properly. Still leaning against the door, I hugged my knees like it was the only thing I have for tonight, and that’s honestly the underlying truth. I only have me, myself and I for the rest of this agonizing night. My head’s bombarded with so many thoughts, one after the other, and I

AUGUST  Who would’ve thought that this house party would turn out to be as interesting, most definitely the most interesting out of all the house party that I’ve been to. I haven’t been to many but this was certainly something that has cracked me to the bones. It’s a total wreck and I know I should’ve seen this coming my way but I did not and it just bulldozed straight ahead. I was so focused on my hidden agenda to let Rachel drink as much alcohol so I could sneak away with Ambrose that it backfired on me. It’s as if I pulled the trigger but the bullet had a complete one eighty turn and hit me. There’s this thought that has formed inside my brain and it’s the thought that Rachel’s been wanting to have a sexual encounter with me. Just by thinking about it, the gayness hidden inside of me was already writhing in total horror and disgust. It sucks playing the st

Chapter 22.3: Love and Predicament AUGUST   I was dead right when I thought I won’t be having some kind of hangover last night after walking several kilometers. The walkathon journey probably helped secrete most of the alcohol inside my system through the sweats and the hot breath that I’ve been huffing out while walking through the coldness of the night. I don’t know if that’s how it works but I woke up pretty much normal. I have no head banging headache which was super great and I don’t feel like I’ve been worked out so much judging by the absence of fatigue. I may have concluded that I don’t have any hangover, despite of that conclusion, there’s still this overwhelming feeling of dehydration. I also smell pretty awful and I was thinking that I really should’ve took a quick shower before heading to bed.   It was already nine in the morning when I jumped out of bed and instantly brought myself towards the kitchen. I poured myself so

AUGUST Monday rolled in almost pretty quickly and I don’t know what to feel about it’s sudden arrival. I was wishing for a longer weekend and maybe by then, I have made up my mind. I haven’t drafted any clear plan as of the moment and I’m not comfortable about scrambling and making naïve decisions. This is why Monday’s are the scariest day in a week apart from what most people call Friday the 13th. I woke up the instant my alarm clock began beeping which was just my typical wake up call. I still have a few minutes to adjust and shake the drowsiness but I stayed on my bed for a while longer instead.  The warmth of the blanket draped over my entire body seemed to be hugging me so tight that I don’t want to jump out of bed just yet. I just stared above the ceiling as I deeply pondered about the reality that I’m about to face in the next few hours. Rachel and I did not have the