All Chapters of a drink we call loneliness: Chapter 31 - Chapter 40
53 Chapters
Chapter Thirty-One
Theo I’ve only driven him once to work, but it’s a good fifteen minutes away from the flat. Most of the way there we’re quiet, and I can tell he’s exhausted by the way he’s leaning on the window, with his hands tucked into the front pocket of his sweatshirt. He looks cozy this way, and I can’t help but reach and grab one of his hands.I don’t know what he’s done to me, but I can’t stop touching him. He squeezes my hand in return and grins lazily.Once we’re parked outside, Sam grabs his backpack and turns in his seat.“Wanna wait? Or you can just go home, it’s fine, I can call a cab when I’m done, or usually, I just crash at the clinic if it’s too late,” he explains like he thinks I will let him do that.I click my tongue, “Actually, can I come with you?”I don’t know why I asked that, I’ve got nothing to do at his
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Chapter Thirty-Two
Sam I wake up feeling uneasy before my alarm goes off. There’s a feeling in my stomach that I can’t shake, like something is terribly wrong. I sit up quickly and try to make sense out of my room. It’s still dark outside. I pat on the bed, searching for Theo, and his absence scares me. He never wakes up before I do, not even when I sleep in on Sundays. My eyes burn a little as I squint and try to see if he’s in the bathroom, but from my bed, I can see the door is open and there’s no light coming from the inside. I’m up in a second, throwing on a sweatshirt from my pile of clothes and heading outside of my bedroom to find him. He’s not in the hallway, and he’s not at his keyboard. My chest feels tight, fear cooling my veins. What if he’s lost? What if he’s hurt? What if he left me. The long curtains in the living room flail around and catch my eye. The balcony is open wide. I spot him outside, sitting in one of the plastic chairs. He’s wearing my black
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Chapter Thirty-Three
TheoI can’t help but choke up as I help Bryce do his tie properly. I know it’s not like anything is going to change, but it’s a cathartic experience to watch my cousin-slash-longtime-best-mate get married.I tug one last time and Elias passes him his tailcoat. I sigh as I take a look at him, and it dawns on me how special this moment is. We’ve been here all morning, in his childhood bedroom reminiscing of our favourite moments with Bryce and toasting to him with Champagne. Even a couple of his friends from uni joined us, and it's been an emotional journey for everyone involved.This is where we grew up, first it was only Bryce and I, and then when we started boarding school Elias joined us. We spent countless hours plotting and messing around and finding activities to keep us busy during long, boring summers, which eventually led to illegal drinking and then to not coming here at all.His stag party was a joke. It was held at my p
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Chapter Thirty-Four
SamAfter the ceremony, we’re back in the Oblinger Mansion. Well, this is the second Oblinger mansion I've been to. His cousin's childhood home is beautiful and massive. The style is quite different from Theo’s childhood home, though. His is filled with dark wood and burgundy wallpaper and all sorts of dark accents, and this one has more of a French feel to it. The walls are white, carved in wood at the trimmings, and the ornamentation is either golden or made of light wood. This one resembles more of a big farmhouse. When I asked him about it, Theo said his uncles are old farmers, that sort of old money country people so that’s where the difference lies. It’s all very opulent, anyway.In no way, shape or form do they resemble the dingy care homes I grew up in, where we shared a toiled for ten people and hand rusty bunk beds with mattresses filled with bedbugs. I don't think he wants to hear all of that, though. At least not at a wedding.
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Chapter Thirty Five
Theo After dinner, I leave my seat to go around other tables, saying hello to my extended family. It’s not very pleasant, but it’s something Father asked me to do, a social obligation, so I have to comply. I asked Sam to come along, but he said he’d rather die before meeting all those posh people, so he and his friends stayed seated at the table, abusing the open bar. I walk around the lawn, following the paths of roses that have been set between the tables. I start with my three aunts, old traditional ladies. One of them grabs my arm, “We’ve seen the arm candy you’ve brought, Theo,” she says, animatedly. I feel myself flushing, “Yeah, that’s my boyfriend.” I’m surprised by how little they care about my queerness. Aunt Mary coughs and elbows her sister, “What a stud. So gorgeous. What does he do for a living?” I lean down so I don’t have to shout over the music, “He’s a vet, he graduated university not too long ago,” “A
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Chapter Thirty - Six
Sam“Hey, you got lost for a bit,” I say near his face, “Everything okay?”He nods weakly, “Tiptop. Let’s dance, baby.”He doesn’t give me a chance to reply as he drags me to the dance floor, right where Bryce is handing out shots. My friends are with him, screaming and dancing. They’re all pissed. They’re dancing like the world is going to end tomorrow. So, we join them.Theo is doing his best to follow along, but I can tell his heart is not in it. I can tell something is wrong by the frown that is marrying his beautiful face, but he refuses to call it a night, so I try to make the best of it, participating in group photos and whatnot. Still, it’s hard to get him to crack a real smile.I guess he’s saving whatever is bothering him for a more private setting, but I wish I knew what's wrong right now.TheoIt’s the end of the party, and everyone has either go
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Chapter Thirty - Seven
Sam After Bryce’s wedding, everything has gone quite fast. Days have become a blur in my head of desperate kisses, whispered promises, planning and making love.Theo has practically moved in with me and spends every minute possible trying to fit in everything we would do in a year. The moment I’m off work I’m rushing to get home to him. He’s usually got a nice dinner and something planned for us to do. We either go to the theatre or watch a film at home (which inevitably leads to sex) or go try a new coffee shop or take Muppet to a park while we talk. It only confirms he is my favourite to person to hang out with. It doesn't take much to have a memorable night with him. Now that he’s started therapy and I can tell it’s doing him good. Slowly, he’s opening up to me about his early life.He’s told me more about himself in two weeks than in the last few months. He’s also terribly excit
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Chapter Thirty - Eight
SAMIt's immensely pleasing to watch him get excited as the days go on. We have been sitting at my kitchen table for a few hours, a piece of paper between us, and a couple of pens scattered around. Theo is biting his lip, trying to make sense of the itinerary we've drawn up.It's not like I know a lot about travelling overseas, but I've taken to the task of doing all the research possible so we can plan the best trip possible for him. Once we finished with breakfast, we went took Muppet out for a long walk and then just set up our little planning station. It's been so long that I'm getting hungry again now.I lean forward and draw a circle around Chicago."So, this would be around the halfway point. Near the Holidays. I've read it gets mad cold there by the end of the year,"He nods and a slow, careless grin appears on his face, "Well, it's not like London's a tropical wonderland by Christmas. I should be able to adapt accordingly.""I mean,
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Chapter Thirty -Nine
Sam "You know those things never work out, right?", Andrea tells me with a sad look on her face, "Like, statistically, the chances you're still together by next year are very slim."I nod and take a sip of my tea. This is just another one of our morning coffee dates, and all I can talk about is Theo's trip. That's exactly the thing about it. We have so much against us and generally speaking, I do know long-distance relationships very rarely are worth it, but I can't get the thought out of my head that we will work out."Yeah. But, might as well, yeah? It's not like I want to be particularly single or anything. If it ends, it ends."She shakes her head, "No, but mentally, you will be with him all the time. You're going to keep wondering where he is, why he isn't texting, or who he is with. That's a fact. I love you, and I really like Theo, but I don't want you to go through all of that alone."A lump forms at the back of my throat and
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Chapter Forty
Theo The waitress places a tall cappuccino on my table next to the window. I dump two packets of sugar in it, smiling at the thought of Sam's appalled facial expression every time I did this in front of him. It’s only been a few weeks since I’ve been away and my feelings are all over the place, as usual. Part of me misses him every second of the day. In hindsight, being glued to him right before I left wasn’t a smart thing to do. I wouldn’t have done things any differently if I was given the chance. The other part of me has been completely immersed in the culture, going to every museum I can, checking out local universities, and reading as many novels as I can. I even played an old piano at a bar I was in just last night. I don’t know why I did it. I guess it had been a while, and it made me happy seeing the crowd get into the music and request their favourite songs. Mostly, they were classics, so it was like being back at George's Club minus
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