For a long time, I simply held that letter in my hand. Tears refused to fall down my eyes anymore and my heart stilled. I recalled the last conversation we had, when he suddenly appeared for the art exhibition at Genesis.“You look lovely,” he had smiled at me, genuinely this time and it creeped me out. It’s been so long I saw him smile at me that way and it felt different, strange, yet my heart had missed that man who had turned into a stranger to me so suddenly. The loving father who had turned to a hateful and cold one and a husband who had turned to a cheat and an abuser later on.“What are you doing?” I replied, simply because I could not trust him. I had let go of our marriage after the last time he hit me and had not returned to the house ever since Jordan took me away. I was not planning to do that now, especially because I could not trust him.“I won’t return to you, so stop the pretense. And what are you doing here? Do you want to ruin the day for your daughter in law?” I pu

“Hey…” someone yelled beside me. I snapped my gaze to the voice and found Samantha looking at me with a frown on her face and worry in her eyes. I blinked and looked around, wondering if I was in the same place and if I was seeing right. She definitely could not be worried about me. I shook my head and tried to move but my knees and butt was hurting so bad, I groaned.“Why would you sleep, I thought you were praying?” she began chiding and I frowned.“What are you doing in here?”“You were not replying to any of my calls, I was thinking you died before I could kill you,” she replied and I glared at her.“Really?” I looked around.“What? He knows I’m a bad person even when I am not in the church,” she responded so casually. I sighed and shook my head, knowing that I was just going to waste my time arguing with her.“My guards could have woken me up. You didn’t have to come in, I’m not planning to die anytime soon,” I responded, remembering the voice of Jordan in my head. My heart was a

When I came out from the bathroom, Jordan was no longer in the bedroom and it made me feel worse. I changed quickly into a simple gown and flats and went downstairs. He was downstairs of course and they were all sitting at the table, waiting for me. I sighed and put on a smile on my face as I went down. Jordan got up from where he was sitting and pulled out a chair for me. It lifted my spirit and I smiled at him, but he looked away the moment our eyes met and my heart fell again.He sat back down and chatters rose around us. My entire family and friends were present and it was one of the rare moments of life that we should always cherish. It made me think of Liam and how we never actually had a decent meal with him, and now he was gone. I turned to Jordan who had a stoic expression on his face, no different on how he always did. Whenever something funny was said, he would smile with his eyes but he didn’t change his facial expression. I sighed and looked away, feeling guilty that he w

I never got to see my father so often anymore. He stayed far from me and never looked at me when ever we saw each other. He became a stranger, a shadow, a dream that never existed. This went on for weeks and all my mom could tell me was that he was just angry about something. I knew that was not it, because I had apologized time and time again for any wrong, I might have done. I have apologized for doing something I was not aware of and apologized on behalf of anyone who provoked him to such an extent, but the look in his eyes didn’t change and the way he spoke to me never changed. I couldn’t take it anymore and one morning, I had prepared early so I could join him to school. He always took me to school himself, except for days he was extremely busy. I stood at the door to the car he would use that morning and waited for him. When he came, he had a tight frown on his face but I smiled at him.“Good morning, dad,”“What is he doing here?” he turned to a guard beside me.“I want to join

“Even now that I see how much of a mistake, I made to have switched off my feelings because I feared losing him, I realize the mistake that I made and would want to make up for it. He never lets me, no matter how much I try, what I say or the gestures I make. Even the universe is against my attempt to make it right because it keeps getting in the way and every opportunity, it keeps slipping away from me. Maybe, it’s too late, maybe I had truly lost him even before I lost him. Maybe, I was never meant to be a father. Liam would have done a better job and he would be so disappointed in me. I ruined it, because I am a coward who can’t bear to be in pain anymore. I ruined it because I am a coward. And I fear that I won’t get it back. Is there even a need? I can just carry on being this person my son remembers. I can just allow him see me as he had always done and keep carrying on this act of a hateful father. It’s no longer complicated and the guilt won’t be as taunting if I take my act a