All Chapters of How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis : Chapter 201 - Chapter 210

We made it back to the hill without trouble. Only ten minutes from the city by dragon, stunning views and only a slight infestation of ogres. The ideal place to take a break and consider your plans for revolutionary war.The ogres were lounging about, picking flowers and having tickle fights. These were my shock troops. Shocking, indeed. The dragons circled once and then came into land. Everyone immediately disembarked and wandered off.You might think with all the fighting and power struggles and underhand shenanigans going on, the mood would be quite serious. Time for a war council. Time to prepare for the final battle. You would be wrong.World domination was way down on the agenda, well below making out and taking a nap. It was a sunny afternoon, and the ogres were frolicking, who had time for silly distractions like not getting blown to pieces by a mad rat queen?I followed Nyx off the dragon and pinned him against a tree. I considered him my ace in the

The bones skittered along the floor of the cavern, gathering together as they came towards the raised area where we were standing. By the time they reached the base, two arms had formed and began crawling up the rock.The wind picked up, whistling and moaning eerily. Maurice and Claire were clinging to each other (any excuse), and everyone was cowering. As the only person standing by the edge, I saw what was coming, but I wasn’t really worried.The bones formed a skeletal body, but the body was not particularly intimidating. Mainly because of its size.The skeleton reached the top and climbed over the edge to stand in front of me.“So, you’re an elf?” I asked him. It wasn’t the tall and willowy type Peter Jackson would have you believe. More like the ones who sneak into your house and do some cobbling while you sleep.“I am Evand, last of the first.” His voice sounded a lot less intimidating rattling around his small, empty skull.“Forgive us,

Sonny and his ragtag band of lost boys emerged from the tunnel. When we had dug our way to the surface, they had nervously followed, not really sure they wanted to return to the real world and their responsibilities. I certainly didn’t blame them.Now they faced the sight of their city in ruins.They said nothing while I ran around trying to make sense of what had happened and what to do next. They made no sound at all. The palace was a smoking crater, surrounding it were heaps of rubble, and standing over the remains was a creature no one could quite make out, but that everyone could sense. Its presence was that split-second when you open a closet door and realise the contents are about to fall on top of you. A fleeting moment turned into a being a mile tall.By the time I noticed them, they had begun staggering down the hill towards Requbar. I couldn’t tell what they planned to do once they got there — look for survivors, bury the dead, point fingers — but their

I didn’t trust Peter, and I didn’t trust Queen Zarigold. Peter was a slippery slimeball, and what kind of a nonsense name was Zarigold?Being told they were working together wasn’t all that surprising. I imagined it was one of those partnerships where you combine your resources to attain a common goal, and as soon as that goal is achieved, you both run around in circles to see who can stab the other in the back first.The bigger question was how did they plan to shaft me?Peter had his hand held out.“You want this?” I asked him.Peter smiled, his teeth all perfect white and his slicked-back hair glistening with oil or wax or whatever old men used to mould their hair into shape like a Lego hairpiece.“It isn’t a matter of want, kiddo. I need it to make sure we don’t lose our lives to the elf threat.”The elf threat. He made it sound like they were creeping across the border to steal our jobs and women.“What kind of threat?” I ask

I will admit I hadn’t thought things through. The Intui grabbed my spike and the first thing that jumped into my mind was Perfect! Suddenly, the ideal situation had presented itself for testing. Science demanded action.If I could get the belligerent lizardman to stab me (yes, this is how retarded my plan was) then it would reveal, possibly in a beam of light from the heavens with angelic choir backing singers, the true nature of my special power.Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.My healing ability had made me somewhat gung-ho when it came to getting hurt, and pain is one of those things you get less scared of the more you experience it. I could handle a couple of sharp stabs to the stomach, I had somehow convinced myself.The gem tasted tangy as it went down. I probably should have washed it first. I didn’t worry about what the dwarf inside the stone would do to me once it was inside my body because of what Peter said. He had told me it was imp