All Chapters of How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis : Chapter 221 - Chapter 230

“Your hands are glowing again,” said Jenny. Whatever you thought of my group, one thing you couldn’t deny was their total dedication to stating the obvious.“Yes,” I said, because I was in the group, too. I raised my hands in front of me and turned them over, like there might be an Off switch on the back, or maybe instructions.“Is it safe?” asked Jenny, reaching out her own hand, which wasn’t a smart thing to do if it turned out not to be safe.“Of course.” I pulled my hands away and hid them behind my back, making my proclamation seem somewhat disingenuous. I didn’t think there was any danger from my glowing hands — other than to myself — but still...“Can’t you use the gem to turn them off?” she said, trying to reach behind me.The dwarfstone had absorbed the light from my hands last time. I didn’t know what that meant, whether I could use that captured energy somehow, but at least it provided a safety valve.“In a minute,” I said. “I just w

The six of us reconvened the following morning. A proper night’s sleep in an actual bed had helped chill everyone out, even Claire, and we were back to our usual directionless selves. We were in a new city, with a bit of money, and no real idea of what to do next.“We’ll have a look around the city,” I said. Nothing too complicated about that. We needed to see what this place was like.There was obviously a lot of things we needed to do as well as familiarising ourselves with the city’s layout. We had to get more information on Arta Askii, probably through his warehouse business. He was most likely the Visitor I was looking for. Him being so hard to reach made him an even better candidate. If I was some powerful, otherworldly entity making shedloads of cash off the local populace, I’d do a Howard Hughes and keep myself locked away in my giant mansion, too.Then there was the Church of the Holy Shrine. We had to stay off their radar, and at the same time it would he

The Pope was quite far away and he was hard to see clearly standing in the nasal cavity of a giant skull, but just from his movements I could tell he was a youngish man. Maybe even in his twenties.He had yellow hair, which flopped about, and a big smile full of blindingly white teeth. He wore a brilliant white robe with a flowing golden cape. It could all have been fake — not hard to put on a wig and get some Day-Glo dentures made — but the way he skipped about, waving and blowing kisses to the crowd below, I got the impression this wasn’t someone who was going to come out making Stalinesque speeches about fighting for the Motherland. This was a fun Pope.The crowd shifted closer to the Mega Temple, not done with their shopping, but happy to take a break for some entertainment. And it was entertainment. Horns were blaring, drums were playing, coloured flags were waving, and a team of sub-popes were running around throwing things out of baskets for people to catch.

Maurice and Dudley were not happy boys. Not very surprisingly, they wanted to run after the girls and rescue them. Overcome impossible odds, live happily ever after. You know, the hero thingy.I think everyone agrees this is the way things should be, including most girls. Sure, there’s some lip service paid to the idea that if the positions were reversed the girls would do the same... if it wasn’t for society holding them back. But would they?But would they, though?It didn’t matter. Jenny, Claire and Flossie had made a choice. For some reason, they wanted to do this (whatever ‘this’ was) on their own. Maybe to prove a point. Maybe to protect us. Maybe because they had suddenly hit that time in their lives when acting retarded seemed like the right thing to do.Whatever the reason, they knew the other two would at least join in if asked. So why hadn’t they asked them?“You really aren’t going to do anything?” asked Maurice. “We’re supposed to let the

“You wish to become one of us?” asked the druid, his eyes sparkling with hot anticipation.“Yes. Sure. I’ve always been a big fan of nature and, you know, trees.” I hadn’t really thought this through, but how hard could it be to convince a buffoon you thought his beliefs were brilliant? “You think so too, right?”I passed the ball to Dudley and Maurice.“Definitely,” said Maurice. “Trees are a vital part of the ecosystem. The most vital.”“Yes, they’re absolutely smashing,” said Dudley.“See? We all believe in preserving the environment for, you know, future use.”The druid might have sensed a degree of insincerity in my voice, subtle as it was. “Are you just saying that so you can meet Xesar?”“No,” I said firmly. “Aren’t we all one under the soil?”His eyes lit up again. “Yes, yes we are.”“How do I get my robe? I suppose I have to shave my head.” It wasn’t that big a deal the rate my hair grew at, but it might be a bit t