I turn to the sound of the door opening softly, “Hey…” I trailed at the sight of my husband, his eyes dark, jaw hard. I was right, he didn’t come up last night, Maria came for a while to see if I needed anything, I’d been so relieved to see her, and when she informed me that hr and the girls were fine and the intruders hadn't thought to make their way near the kitchen I wanted to break into sobs. Thankfully the children had slept through the crazies. Last night, I left them for a bit to get changed out of my dress, during that time I tried to get my head to quiet down as I took off my makeup and washed my face but my hands shook, my stomach quivered from anxiety, fear clawed at my throat, now that I was in the privacy of my rooms I felt nauseous, with a hand over my mouth I blinked back tears swallowing down the bile that threatened to climb up my gullet. I blinked repeatedly to clear images of blood and dead bodies from my mind. The empty eyes. Men had died on either side.

I turned away from him, the sight of him felt like a fist was wrapped around my throat, my chest, my heart, I chewed on my bottom lip, sniffling I wiped my cheek on Angelo’s back. "How can you bare to send us away like this?" My heart broke. I was trying to put a handle on my feelings as I swayed from side to side to get my son back to sleep. Firm fingers wrapped around my upper arm and I felt him at my back, “You think I want this, sending you away? You, the kids” he pulled me flush against his chest, I looked at him with teary eyes over my shoulder, his eyes hold mine “You are my life, Lola it kills me, sending you away, I want you here with me” I turned with our son to face him, as his hands smoothened up my arms. “I want you where I can see you, and have you in my arms every night, to hear my children’s laughter, I don’t want to miss a second with them, but you can’t say, I won’t” he paused, swallowing hard, and his eyes falls shut. “I won’t be able to do what needs to be d

We establish a routine over the course of the week, the twins rise with the sun and so do I. I feed them then place them in a playpen Miguel had set up on the side of the living room, then I get to making breakfast. After that, it’s bath time and another feeding before putting them down for a nap with that I have a few hours to do other things, I wasn't exaggerating when I said caring for two babies was a lot. at least they haven't been crying. I do some cleaning and laundry while they’re down every afternoon because babies can be a messy bunch. I found an old crossword puzzle book so I strike out the words while I wait for the laundry to be out, by the time it’s folded and put away, the twins are up and I have a reason to live once more. It’s clear they miss home, miss him, after the first few days the thrill of a new environment faded and I didn't have to stop Angelo from crawling under the carved chairs in the kitchen or trying to eat them and Caela from trying to go outside, s

I felt much better after a quick shower and washing the vomit out of my hair. I smelled clean, my blood, warm. As he stated, Miguel has some toast, with butter melting all over it and a steaming cup of tea waiting for me. My belly grumbled and I was suddenly hungry I could have kissed him. I get to it immediately, I’m down on my second piece of toast, drawing back a long drink of tea. I hummed quietly, Miguel is really good at making tea, who would have guessed? “Here’s how it’ll be going forward" he started and I looked up. "We’ll share the chores, no heavy lifting for you, you can tell me what you’re comfortable with-“ “That’s okay," I said around a mouthful "I got it, besides, you have to do the security stuff, so I got the chores, I can handle it” I swallowed back, washing it down with a drink of tea. Mmm, it was really good, and my empty stomach thanked me for the much needed nutrition. Miguel blinked at me before “And you’ve done a good job so far." he paused "Which in

It took three days for Miguel to make preparations and I got progressively bad, I felt so haggard and tired, like every ounce of strength I had was going into growing the baby in my womb, it didn’t help that I couldn’t keep anything down. I dressed the kids, in warm clothes because we were all going and put on a loose sundress. “You ready?” Miguels' voice came from the doorway. “Just a sec” I called back then tied the final knot on my shoe, yeah, I looked a mess but whatever. I touched the rose diamond resting on my collar bone, he should be here for this. I am reminded of his dedication to being present during every doctor's visit, holding my hand, just simply being there."Next time," I say to the silence nodding once.I joined them in the living room to see Miguel had the diaper bag I packed earlier and Caela on one arm she looked to be asleep, good, I preferred them to be asleep for the drive.I tightened the bun at the top of my head and lifted Angelo. “Remember the rules”“