All Chapters of Coming of Age the Fast Way: Chapter 31 - Chapter 40
51 Chapters
The dative case
Day 17. Wednesday. Our market garden is crowned by a single storey thirties bungalow, with the loft built out to accommodate the bedroom Sonya and I share. The estate agent euphemism is ‘dormer window,’ which is daft, because like all other bedrooms you sleep in, it is a ‘dormer’, and if you don’t sleep in it, regardless of shape or position, it isn’t a dormer. One imagines a description like ‘Church Cottages,’ means a terrace of houses. Not so! The first two numbers are at least half a mile away, while our house sits at the front of a vast rambling piece of land, which ends where the fen begins. I always thought the house was a prefab, because of its appearance. I was ignorant. It would have been many prefabs joined together for it is a rambling monster. The windows are quaint. This was August. In winter on such a morning, with a stiff breeze off the sea, my mother and I would go round with huge reels of Se
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Farming wind
'I don’t believe you!' That was determination. No, it was worse. That was vehemence from a tour guide. Wonders never cease. How would Charley play this one? How dare that woman call Charley a liar, even though he had twice lied? 'Listen, lady. Don’t make me do a thrice denial. Peter was the last to do that. It probably contributed to the spread of Christianity, and look at the mess that has left us in.' I thought I was going to pee myself. Charley boy, it’s official. I love you. I love you to bits. How can I get rid of Vera and her serf and have a quick leg-trembler behind that grizzly bear? There was silence from downstairs. I believe the technical term in warfare is a ‘standoff’. I heard the steps creaking as Charley began to descend the ladder and pressed my forehead against the spindles. Charley was a tall man. He was holding the trophies above his head, where the tour-guide couldn’t reach. 'Give them here,' she ordered. 'You’ll ne
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A real lover
We walked across the tea-parlour lawn towards her car but didn’t get there. A bench by the duck pond seduced us. Once sat down, I reminded her of Charley’s salvo with which he sunk the tour guide and saved my embarrassment - dative case, thrice denial and all that. 'How could he do that? Even if he’d been practising put-downs, it was an amazing achievement for a kid with Charley’s educational background.' 'He does a lot for Sidonie, doesn’t he?' 'You’ve lost me.' 'I think he is totally smitten with you,' she explained, 'and knows the only way to keep you is to close the educational gap. I think your friend Sidonie is match-making by giving him tips in return for him helping her so much with the children. I bet you she is in on this one.' I felt myself go as red as a beetroot. Vera noticed. 'Why does my suggestion embarrass you?' 'I’m shocked that anyone would go to that much trouble to get me - half the parish has dawke
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Destroy the opposition
I was on fire. Wind farms were no longer on the agenda. I know that when my adrenaline is pumping, I can make mincemeat of anyone. (OK Vera. I get it now.) I put a business plan in his hand, gave one to Vera, told her to sit down and then sat down some distance from her. That prevented him giving Vera too many withering looks. I would wait for him to ignore me and glare at Vera, and then interrupt him dominating her, by using a bit more lip to make him look my way again. Divide and rule, that was my plan. When I looked up again, I saw how angry he was. I think I could have fried bacon on that forehead. 'Now to the business plan, Mr Ferguson?' He ignored me and addressed Vera. 'Why do we need a business plan? The electricity company has already shown me how it will work. I sent you all the details. All I need is the land-owner signature. I probably don’t need that but my solicitor advised it out of courtesy.' Vera looked helplessly at me.
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Lies and statistcs
We walked across the tea-parlour lawn towards her car but didn’t get there. A bench by the duck pond seduced us. Once sat down, I reminded her of Charley’s salvo with which he sunk the tour guide and saved my embarrassment - dative case, thrice denial and all that. 'How could he do that? Even if he’d been practising put-downs, it was an amazing achievement for a kid with Charley’s educational background.' 'He does a lot for Sidonie, doesn’t he?' 'You’ve lost me.' 'I think he is totally smitten with you,' she explained, 'and knows the only way to keep you is to close the educational gap. I think your friend Sidonie is match-making by giving him tips in return for him helping her so much with the children. I bet you she is in on this one.' I felt myself go as red as a beetroot. Vera noticed. 'Why does my suggestion embarrass you?' 'I’m shocked that anyone would go to that much trouble to get me - half the parish has dawke
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Pinching his bottom
I walked up to the House pumping adrenaline, feeling as though the world were my oyster. OK, my dad was always going to be the easiest to convince, but I convinced him. Supposing he’d told me to get a life - he wasn’t having Giles Ferguson around his business. Then I would have been at rock bottom. You can only beat the opposition given to you so I was pleased with the first success. Of course, in my youthful folly, I assumed everyone would see the beauty of the idea and just roll over and wait for me to tickle their tummies. I met Vera, who looked as though she had the cares of the world on her shoulders. 'Bad night, Vera?' 'Giles has caught up with me. He’s in the office now. I refused to speak to him until you arrived.' My hubris was short lived. I thought fate would leave me a day to bask in my first victory. Not so! And why did Vera trust me to deal with the local worthies? 'Let’s get this over with,' I replied. I
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Reflections
Day 20. Saturday.I woke this morning with a whirlwind of thoughts crashing through my brain, ripping trees out as it progressed. But I haven’t any trees in my brain. I use trees metaphorically. But what were the trees representing? Then I woke and realised that the trees were part of my dream. In which case ‘trees in the brain’ are allowed.There was another gust of wind and a branch from an unruly climbing hydrangea scraped the window pane. That’s why I have trees on the brain. The dream receded and hid itself in the deep, clandestine, dark and unplumbed folds of my brain. I tried my foot. It was still there, so I am still here. Much better.Had I been thinking wooden trees, or rather, trees in a wood? There are Linnaeus trees to map and identify species, or trees to locate a file in a folder on my computer? Who knows? It was gone, leaving me in that deep nonsense Freud
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Utopian Comebacks.
Day 21. Sunday. I got up at four, was home shortly afterwards, did my share of harvesting, had a shower at eleven thirty and left for church the moment the bells began to ring the end of the service. Breakfast was fried and wafted its scents across the raspberry patch. That had been sometime around eight o’ clock, but I kept picking. Consequently, starvation and weakness were setting in as Giles and Vera waved to me from the seat by the wall - the one upon which I’d received my one and only slapped face. Giles had a big grin on his face, which got bigger as he saw me approach.'There’s a woman with a bad conscience, Vera,' he announced.'How did you work that one out?' I growled.'I dropped in, to give you a lift to church and your Dad said he didn’t know where you were as you were keeping out of everyone’s way. He pointed at a pile of fruit already p
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Fennella gets passionate
I could go on. The takeover of Manchester United, the demise of Rover Cars, the floods in East Yorkshire, caused by underinvestment in infrastructure, the banking crash of course! The system is broken!'She yelled the last sentence. She was becoming emotional. Wow! It sounded like a speech at the TUC conference. But where did I fit in this heroic rhetoric? Giles helped us out.'I explained your social enterprise idea to Fennella. I’ll be honest. I was still in a sulk. She said I was to get on board and support the project. That’s where we are now. The world needs a new capitalist model.'I sniggered and then expressed my incredulity.'And you think Lower Butts is the place to start the next phase of global capitalism?''Don’t be cynical, Millie. Many world-changing events, in politics, art, music, literature and architecture, have started in a tiny smoke-filled workshop. The only thing that has really changed -  we’ve s
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Shock moment!
She drew breath and assumed I had something to say.'Don’t interrupt, Millicent -  this is important. Five kilos to the Grand in Yarmouth. They phoned me. Wetting themselves in case the Blue Moon stole a march. They are paying forty a kilo.'The line went dead. I relayed the message. My father’s chin dropped.'By when?'I shrugged.'ASAP, I suppose. We can’t work fucking miracles.'My father’s chin dropped another inch. He sighed and bent over to tend his bush. I heard him mutter, 'Keeping company with the toffs isn’t helping your language.''Sozz,' I grumbled into my basket. 'Sonya! Can you write this down as we go? Three columns. Place, weight, price.'She beamed with pride. She had presided over a disaster turning into an exciting day.And so the day went on. Vera sold a hundredweight that day at an average of thirty pound a kilo. She had the sense to promise deli
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