My eyes slowly opened when the sunlight penetrated through the curtains. I adjusted my vision and the realization hit me like a truck.I realized that my soul is corrupt now. I have lost my innocence, my purity.‘I successfully bargained for my virginity.’I have just survived the most horrendous night of my life. Depression took over me in just one day, I'll turn insane but I have no choice but to keep these feelings in my heart and bear this undesirable feeling of being used over and over again. I shifted my gaze and saw Christian standing in front of me. My eyes widened in horror as I quickly sat up and pulled the duvet over me to hide my exposed form.

My eyes flutter open along with an aching pain in my body. I tried to shift but I felt a hand restricting my movements. I bit my lips to bear this repugnant and seething feeling. 'What do you truly want?' I turned and saw Christian face so close to mine. My heart skipped a beat as I shifted myself away from him as far as I could but his grip didn't let me go very far. Feeling disgusted, I looked at him with loathe. But his eyes were closed as he was sleeping peacefully.'By destroying my sleep you are enjoying a lull?'I noticed his flawless features that are so appealing that one can bend itself before it. The looks, mastered in capturing anyone just by looking at them beguilingly. As if

My petite form continued to convulse as he rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes for a second. “Why..? Am I too harsh? Too rough? I believe I told you to let me know if I am.” He said, tone softening. Everything calmed down in that moment, the tiny spark of affection was shown in him as we remained like that in the dark room. “Was I?” He asked again and swallowing hard, I shook my head in denial.“Then why do you act if I forced you? Didn’t I stop yesterday or before it as well?” He asked with our silence that somewhat, for the first time, serene me as I stopped quivering for a second, looking away. “Do you truly want me to show you how it feels to be forced? I have your written consent and

I know that she doesn't like my touch but still I tried to calm her so that she can relax in my presence but that apparently seemed impossible.She put her head on my shoulder as she continued to weep."T-that wasn't m-my dream." She stuttered as she held my shirt. Soaking my shoulder with her tears."I should be happy about it but I wasn't." She whispered again.Being curious I asked, "What was it about?" She shivered when I asked. She doesn't want to tell. She looked at me hesitantly and I moved my hand from her hairs to her tears as I wiped them. She looked down and said,"You'll be angry." Her voice sounded scared as usual. Being irritated that she is not speaking about it, I still remained patient and said again,"Tell me, I won't be angry." She wiped her last tear as she tried to get away from my laps but I held her and didn't let her. She cringed as I asked sternly, "Who told you to get away?" She looked down and bit her lips as I could feel the fear she had in her heart for

The next day, I was swinging my legs while sitting on the couch in the library because I am alone in the house and the devil has gone to work. His absence feels like a reprieve from chaos, A short-lived freedom to me.After reading, I leaned back and closed my eyes and remembered him consoling me for the nightmare and later intimidating me about it. I just don't understand him. Why does he pity me? Why does he show little gestures that make me feel like he cares? ‘When there isn't any love then why does he refrain himself? There's no need for him to confine himself.’He doesn’t have to make things so complicated.His eyes are always clo