Leah MonroeI drank in the silence of the kitchen as I filled my cereal bowl with milk. I needed it, especially with the dreadful day I had today and yesterday, mostly because I hid from Xander the entire day. Feeling self conscious wasn't a great feeling. There was this constant sinking feeling that I wasn't good enough for him.I didn't know where I got the courage from as I got on my knees yesterday. But it felt good to just let go and do something that I wanted to do for once. But when have I ever made a decision for me and it didn't backfire?Shit. A sick feeling washed over me every time I thought about it, followed by a chilling realization. That night was like a broken record, playing over and over again in my head. How I fell on my knees, practically begging to suck him off. The striking look in his eyes as he rejected me. I felt horrible, I thought crying would've helped but it didn't. I guess that's what happens when you get rejected for the first time by a man, and that ma

Leah MonroeI carefully slid both straps of the red silk evening gown over my shoulder, it was one of my favorites. Beautiful silver crystals ringed the waist, the skirt flow was a trimmed tea-length with a dainty split leading up to my knee. I was almost done getting ready when Hayley appeared behind me looking as anxious as ever, even though she wasn’t even going to attend- as per my father’s request of course. I'll never know what my father's deal was with her, no matter how I ask, it was always the same answer. She isn't worthy of being your friend. Her mother is one of his managers for Christ sake! But that didn’t stop me from loving Hayley, she was my family.“A little help.” I pointed to the zipper on the back of my dress.“Twenty two years on this earth and you still can’t get dressed without help.” She sauntered over, zipping me up. As everything came together, I watched how the material melted into my curves. I wasn't oblivious to how seductive my body looked but I couldn't

Leah I looked at myself for the umpteenth time today. I was definitely good enough, my body was banging according to British tourists I met in Chile. I could get with anyone I wanted. So why was I still looking across the lawns to see if Xander came back this morning? Why was I so keen on getting hurt? Because that's what he does, over and over again. Maybe I was immune to it, maybe I loved getting hurt because I keep getting myself in these impossible situations. Ugh! I couldn't even blame him though. If the girl I was attracted to was promised to another man and didn't tell me, I'd be pissed. My guess was as good as any as to how he found out. I mean, it's not like my dad told him, why would he? It doesn't matter how he found out, he believed what he heard and didn't even give me a chance to explain. I can't help but analyze the moment over and over again. My poor misguided heart searched for expressions on Xander's face that didn't make him the woman eater he portrayed to be,