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Our Secret Baby のすべてのチャプター: チャプター 51 - チャプター 60

67 チャプター

51

DeaconCALL ME DICK A few days after I’d seen Carys at the coffee shop, Kendra was over again. She bent down to pick up something off the floor.“What’s this?” she asked.It was a pacifier. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed it before. “Where was that?”“Underneath this table. I went to slide my shoes under there and foundit.”I had a small table where I dropped my keys near the door of myapartment. It was right next to the wall mirror—the one Sunny had loved to look at herself in. I had no idea she’d dropped the binky, which had been clipped to her shirt that day.Taking it from Kendra, I looked down at the dusty rubber tip. My chest felt heavy. It hadn’t even been two weeks since I’d vowed to stay away from them, but I missed Sunny. I missed Carys. I missed them.“Why do you have a pacifier here?”Still gazing down at it, I said, “It belongs to the baby next door—Sunny.

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52

CarysSUCK IT UP I ended up leaving the gala early. I couldn’t relax knowing Deacon was stuck taking care of Sunny. Maybe if things had been different between us, I would’ve been more comfortable with the situation.And when Charles showed up, I knew that was my signal to leave. I wasn’t surprised to see him—it was an industry event—but that didn’t make having to deal with him any easier. I managed to avoid him while doing the remainder of my obligatory schmoozing. Then I told Cynthia I needed to leave. She seemed fine with it, since I had shown my face for a while.It was eleven when I walked into my apartment. I was surprised to see Sunny not in her crib, but lying on her stomach atop Deacon’s chest. Both of them were asleep on the couch. I stopped for a moment to take in the sight, which tugged at my heart in a bittersweet way.Why do you have to be so sweet and such an asshole at the same time, Deacon?I tiptoed ov

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53

CarysBLINDSIDEDSix Months Later A lot had changed over the past several months, and it was more than the weather transforming from frigid to hot in the city.It was now July, and I had a fifteen-month-old who was attempting to walk, albeit unsuccessfully thus far. The months were flying by. It seemed like yesterday that she’d turned one. When Sunny had marked that milestone in April, I’d had a small party for her at the apartment with a few friends from our Mommy and Me class. Simone had been there, too, and, of course, Deacon. Charles, on the other hand, hadn’t been invited. He continued to call occasionally, and had apologized multiple times for coming by without permission earlier this year, but I still hadn’t warmed to the idea of having him around Sunny. However, I suspected one day I would.My feelings for Deacon had been put to the test more than ever. Kendra was a thing of the past, but he’d begun dating someone new i

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54

DeaconPSEUDO-FAMILY After double parking the rental car outside our apartment building, I put my hazards on and ran upstairs to help Carys bring down our stuff.“You ready to go?”“Yeah,” she said, carrying Sunny, who already had on her sunhat. I nudged on the hat. “She looks so cute in that.”“Yeah, well, though her name might imply she likes the sun, her fair skin certainly doesn’t.”“Well, Sunny, don’t you worry because Deek bought you sunscreen.” When my eyes moved to Carys, I saw a huge smile on her face. “What?” I asked.“Nothing. Just happy to be spending this time with you.”Her words hit me in the gut. She had no idea how down I’d felt all morning, though I was trying to put on a happy face. Every moment I doubted my decision to move. I hoped our trip would mean a break from the second-guessing.The ride out to the Hamptons was long and congested—no surprise that everyone had the sa

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55

CarysTELL ME TO STAY The weekend after our getaway, I forced myself to get dressed up, despite feeling like the world was about to end. It was the night I’d been dreading. Deacon’s friend Adrian was throwing him a going-away party at a restaurant downtown. Sharon, who loved Deacon ever since he’d come to her rescue with the Bee Gees, had no problem coming to watch Sunny on a Saturday night so I could attend.It wasn’t often that I got dolled up and left the house these days, so I went all out, putting on a sexy, hot pink dress and sparkly heels I knew my feet would regret later. I used my new hair iron—another late-night impulse buy—to create large waves. It seemed kind of silly trying to impress Deacon’s friends when he was leaving in two days, but in all honesty, I knew it was Deacon I wanted to impress. Which was ridiculous. Did I think he would take one look at me and magically decide not to move, turning down a position that paid

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56

My legs felt weak as I melted into him. When it hit me that this was really happening, I opened wider, letting his tongue inside and remembering all too well what it felt like on other parts of my body. But despite the intimacy of that night, this moment was different—more passionate than sexual. I tasted him for the first time, breathing him in like oxygen. And I couldn’t get enough.He flicked his tongue to nudge my mouth open wider. His chest pressed into mine, my back still against the brick of the building. Deacon’s heart beat rampantly as our tongues circled in frantic competition. I lifted my hands and placed them around his head, pulling him deeper into me and inhaling his heady scent. The vague sense of people passing us registered, as did the muffled sound of talking around us.His groan vibrated down my throat as he fisted my hair. “Fuck, Carys.”I could feel his erection through his pants as it rubbed against me. My clit was throbbing with need

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57

DeaconSAY MY NAME Three weeks since I’d decided to stay in New York, and there wasn’t a single moment I’d regretted my decision. I felt like the luckiest guy on Earth. I’d managed to keep my old job, despite fucking management over with my last- minute one-eighty. I got to keep my apartment because my landlord hadn’t given it to anyone else yet. But most of all, I’d managed to snag the girl of my dreams, somehow pushing aside my fears enough to allow myself to be with her.Carys found a new sitter who watched Sunny for a few hours every weekend so the two of us could have a date. My alone time with her was precious.Today was a day date, and it had been epic. We went to a diner for breakfast and talked in the window seat over waffles and endless cups of coffee. It was a rainy morning in New York City, so we were spending the last hour of our alone time at my apartment before she had to go back next door.And I’d just returned

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58

CarysTOUCHDOWN In the two months that followed, Deacon’s and my appetite for each other remained insatiable. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced. We had sex almost every night. He’d come over after Sunny went to sleep. We’d hang out, talk, drink wine, and ultimately go at it like animals. Then he’d go back to his apartment in the morning.Fortunately, we had a date scheduled for later this afternoon. It was a cool, crisp Saturday in September, and I couldn’t wait to go out and enjoy the fall weather once the sitter arrived. Unfortunately, I’d gotten my period, so there would be no sexy times for once.Deacon was running errands today, so he’d agreed to go to the store for me. He was supposed to be picking up super-sized tampons, among other things.A text came in not long after he left. Deacon: What’s the difference between Super and Super Plus? Carys: Super Plus is bigger, more abs

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59

DeaconLAST WORDS I’d rented a car for the ninety-minute drive north to Poughkeepsie, and it had been a smooth ride with no traffic. This had definitely been a good idea. I now held Sunny up as she sat atop one of the ponies at Archwood Farms. She was always a happy child, but the ponies brought out a level of excitement I’d never witnessed before.After the pony ride, I went to fetch Carys and me a couple of coffees from the small concession building, while she took Sunny to a grassy area with a bunch of pumpkins laid out. Sunny was now walking independently. While a little wobbly, she was fully mobile.After I ordered our drinks, the woman I knew to be one of the owners of the farm smiled at me. “Your daughter looked like she was having so much fun out there. I’m so glad you guys could come up north today.”We’d spoken to her briefly when we first arrived, but I didn’t realize she’d assumed I was Sunny’s father. I opened my m

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60

CarysNICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN Over the next six weeks or so, Charles proved he hadn’t been kidding when he’d vowed to earn my trust back. I appreciated that he was letting me call the shots on his reentrance into my life, though.In addition to abiding by a visitation schedule, he’d also begun depositing money more regularly in my bank account. I’d never refused his occasional offerings, but now that he wasn’t doing everything behind Violet’s back, he’d set up a direct deposit each month. I wasn’t going to complain. Sunny deserved his support.We’d agreed on a twice-a-month visitation schedule for starters. I gave him a few hours on Saturdays. We’d take Sunny out, and she was slowly taking to him, offering occasional smiles and responses to his endless efforts to make her laugh. It was noticeably different than her immediate attachment to Deacon had been, though.Charles hadn’t insisted on using the term dad around her, and I was

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